Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Sat Nov 17, 2018 4:51 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 122 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: An updated action plan
PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:17 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
Updates and further work. It's still not quite there but it's at a point where I think I can post it

Scenario
While getting milk at the corner store, I notice the porn magazines on the rack. I am tempted to buy one. I stop and quickly scan the titles to see if any interest me. The act of stopping and even considering the titles is the start of the ritual.

Immediate Behavior
Do not buy the magazine, tell my wife about the incident
Detailed Action
1. I will immediately phone my wife to tell her about the incident even if I am still in the store. I will not explain everything in detail, just let her know that it happened and that when I get home I will give her the details.
2. I will seek the earliest opportunity to talk this over with my wife

Anticipated Awareness
I become aware that I am not yet engaged in a compulsive sexual ritual.
Ritual start. As mentioned above, the act of stopping and even considering the magazines is the start of the ritual. I am not actually engaged in the ritual at this point but I am at the potential start of a ritual.

Emotions. (Immediately after the decision is made)
Negative
Shame for having considered starting a ritual
Anxiety from not acting out
Frustration from having considered the ritual
Frustration from not acting out

Positive
Pride for having made a value based decision
Pride for having shared the incident
Pride for having protected my values
Pride for having shared with my wife
Confidence for having chosen the option that best fits with my values
Enhanced intimacy with my wife

Thought/Ideas/Mind Games
Negative (beating myself up)
I may run through the following in my head
- Why am I even considering this?
- What the is wrong with you?
- What will my wife say when she finds out?
- I should not tell anyone and just try to forget this
- No one can know about this
I will likely feel anxiety for not acting out
I will likely feel further anxiety for having had the urge in the first place
I will likely feel as though I have failed because I had the urge even though I didn't act on it

Positive
I will feel pride for protecting my values by not having acted out
I will feel pride for sharing with my wife, thus enhancing her boundaries
I will feel pride for having helped reinforce my values and my newly found ability to handle urges
I will feel pride for having chosen the healthy way to deal with my emotions
I will have enhanced the intimacy of my relationship with my wife.

Post Ritual Assessment
Life balance.
This may be a spontaneous ritual or an indication that something is out of balance
I will question myself as to whether I made the trip to get milk just to see the magazines.
I will realize that I had probably noticed the magazines before and done nothing about it.

Emotions.
I will need to become hyper aware of my current emotional state. I will look specifically for un-noticed and/or unanticipated stresses and generally for how I am feeling and how my past week has been.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:12 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
Take today to envision where you are in your transition to health.

What skills do you feel you have worked hard to develop?Honesty, openness, transparency, expressing my emotional state, sharing myself, intimacy, dealing with stressful and unpleasant situations, releasing my guilty feelings,

What skills need additional work? I feel I still need to work on sharing myself, intimacy with my wife, being open and honest. I feel I have come a long way with these but there is still room for improvement

Explore your attitude in regards to whether or not 'addiction' is a part of you; or merely a pattern that developed in your life.
I don't believe that addiction is part of me, merely something that developed as a way to manage certain aspects of my life.

Explore your awareness as to the role that your compulsive rituals played...and what it would mean should they return.
My rituals provided me with a form of comfort and brought a sense of stability to me.

I have spent some time thinking about this and the implications. If the rituals were to return it would mean several things:
1. My life is out of balance. Not just a little but a lot
2. I am consciously ignoring the lessons I have learned.
3. I am ignoring my values and basing my decision making on emotions.
4. I am choosing to risk my marriage and my emotional health.

Explore how you would respond?
#1. Talk to my wife about it and try to find the root cause of it
#2. Talk to someone else. That would be a mentor and/or coach and/or someone else I have confidence I could talk to

Explore your confidence level in that response.
Just after Christmas I found myself very unhappy at work. My current contract is very stressful and not the least satisfying or fulfilling. I recognized it and talked to both my wife and my boss about it. Nothing really changed but I dealt with it as best I could. I am continuing to look for a new contract but am making the best of the situation for now. All this is a round about way of saying that I am confident in my ability to spot and head off potential problems.

Explore your overall balance and stability...how much of your life is spent 'fighting urges, managing urges, acting out, engaging in recovery activities, etc.' versus how much of your life is spent just living.
I would say the majority of my life is spent "living" right now. I have reduced that amount of influence my work has in my overall sense of self, increased the amount my family and hobbies make up. I think I am achieving a good balance at the moment

Assess your identity for hyper-sexuality. How prevalent is it?
It is not prevalent at all.

Assess your value system.
How efficient are you in using it to make decisions, achieve balance, etc.?
I believe I am efficient using it right now.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Repost of lessons
PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:25 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
I am going to repost my lessons in the hopes that others may find them of some use. I will try to get this done over the next couple of days.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Lesson 65
PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:43 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
a) Envision your "life after addiction/life after recovery".

Intimacy
To be truly intimate with my wife. Intimacy comes very easily to her whereas I need to learn this skill.
To be intimate with my daughter. I would like to show her that intimacy is not only OK but a necessity for a healthy life
To build a more intimate relationship with my immediate family. I belive this will be the hardest to accomplish as I don't come from a very intimate family.
To build more friendships as well.

Confidence
Build my confidence that I can make the right choices when faced with them
Build my confidence that if I do make a wrong choice, that I can correct it
Help rebuild my wife's confidence. It has been severely affected by the choices I have made
Help build my daughter's confidence so that she will be able to face lif'es challenges

Preparation
Be prepared for life's ups and downs
Be prepared for life's stresses and
Help prepare my daughter for her own ups and downs

Living fully
I am trying to live each day in the moment and enjoy it for what it is

Compassion
Have compassion for:
My self. Holding myself accountable does not mean I have to be overly hard on myself
My wife. Rembering that my actions affect her
My daughter. Remember what it is like to be a kid, both the joys and the sorrows. Help her explore the world and see it anew through her eyes
Others. A person should be judged not only on how they treat their equals but those who have a lower station in life

Passion
I am still working on this.

I am developing my passion for wine through education both formal and informal.
I want to be passionate about what is in my life. I want to be passionate with my wife, not just sexually but in all parts of our life together. She has a wonderful soul that doesn't shine as brightly as it did. I love her deeply and want to commit myself fully to her. I want to be passionate about my daughter and helping her make her way in the world. I need to be passionate about my work. I enjoy my career but don't feel passionate about it.

They should be nearly identical. Are they?
They are pretty close. The wording is different and I have tried to write it more in the present tense rather than in the future. Overall I would say they are pretty close.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Lesson 66
PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:44 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
a) Consider your perspective towards potential triggers when you were in early recovery. Consider your perspective now. How has this changed?
Early in Recovery I was be worried that I would be tempted and even if I didn't give into the temptation, that I was somehow failing at my recovery. While working through the workshop I have come to realize that, like most things in life, practice makes perfect. By exposing myself to triggers, via action plans and role playing, I was practicing and gaining confidence in my abilities to handle triggers as they arose in my day to day life.

I have also come to see that triggers in and of themselves are not really that important. The trigger itself is just an event in our life, much like a stop light during our morning commute or a call from the library telling you that a book you reserved has come in. It is not the event itself but our reaction to the event that determines what the event means in our lives.

b) List five potential triggers for you--that may lead you into a compulsive crisis. How can you shift your perspective of each so that they are not only NOT a threat to your values, but you
can actually use these triggers to strengthen those values?

List of potential triggers (in no particular order)
1. Un-resolved slip
2. Relationship problems
3. Work stress/Unhappy at work
4. Concentrating only on one or two aspect of my life
5. Unresolved anger with family member

Perspective shift (In the order they appear above)
1. This would be harming my values of integrity, honesty and being a good husband. Admitting to the slip and talking to my wife about it would help me strengthen these values.

2. Relationship problems can cause a great deal of stress. Dealing with these problems in a mature will reinforce intimacy, confidence in my ability to make the right choice and help rebuild my wife's respect for me and her confidence as well.

3. Work stress/Unhappy at work. Not dealing of finding a good outlet for problems at work has led to problems in the past. Specifically I acted out by viewing porn and ended up lying about it and losing my job over it. Dealing with problems as hey come up again helps me with my confidence in my ability to deal with life in general

4. Concentrating only on one or two aspect of my life. This would be harming my balance, which might in turn lead to a slip or relapse if left to fester. Noticing this imbalance and attempting
to correct it would be strengthening my confidence in both the recognition and the addressing balance in my life.

5. Resolving my anger with a family member will again help my confidence. It will also help me by reinforcing my compassion both for myself and others.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Relapse November 2009
PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:28 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
This was my post from just after a relapse in November of 2009


Step One: Freeze. Just as when you are asked to create a break from the emotional intensity of a compulsive urge, you must now create a break that will allow you to suspend all judgement, decisions, etc. in order to assess your current state objectively. Freeze all activity relating to compulsive rituals in their tracks so that you can openly assess where you are--without falling further in the process.

Ok, done. At least I am trying to. I have stopped the acting out. I am still working on suspending the judgement. I'm not making any decisions although there are hundreds of ideas running around in my head right now.

Step Two: Anticipate feeling intense emotions that can cloud your judgement. Failure. Frustration. Hopelessness. Recognize that these emotions can lead you into making immature and/or emotional decisions that will conflict with your values and goals. Emotions that will blow your compulsive identity out of perspective. Emotions that will distort the role that this relapse will play across your life span. Place yourself in a situation where you are neither thinking of the past or the future...but able to honestly assess where you are out now.
Still working on this too. I will add fear, disgust, shame, loss of self respect. This looks like a monster to me right now.


Step Three: Recognize that you will need to accept the consequences of this relapse, but that that should not be your focus now. No matter what potential consequences you are facing--loss of your marriage, loss of self-respect, STD, etc.--what is important is to regain immediate stability and focus. It is to recognize what went wrong and strengthen those parts of your life management strategy. It is to permanently halt the deterioration in its tracks and begin the process of construction.
Again, still working on this. Not on the accepting part but on regaining stability and focus. I feel very scattered right now and I am questioning every decision I am making.


Step Four: In assessing the relapse itself, determine whether the deterioration occurred beyond your conscious awareness or whether you were aware but deliberately chose to ignore those warnings. This will require absolute honesty on your part. Prepare yourself.
This is the biggie. I know I let things slide. I wasn't really doing my weekly monitoring. I was doing it but it was just a cursory thing, more of a chore to be done than a valuable tool. It was a very valuable tool early on and I looked forward to it. I am still trying to understand where and when it went bad for me.

If I stand and look at this dispassionately, I can see warning signs that were missed, signs that should have warned me of problems ahead.
- Not (really) doing weekly monitoring or any meaningful monitoring for that matter
- Emotionally unstable
- Out of balance.
- Ignoring my values
- Letting my hobbies/interests slide (gardening)
Justified this by saying "I have other projects on the go"
- My wife warning me
- High level of stress at work.
- High level of stress dealing with my parents.
- Complacent
- Overconfident

The above listed are the symptoms that I was headed for a relapse. There are several that could have helped me head it off before it got started. The most important of which was planning. I did the minimum for the relapse planning and prevention exercise and didn't take advantage of all the wonderful tools available at RN. Starting with the Developing a relapse plan check-list.

When it is the former (a battle between you and the pattern of addiction) it will be far easier for you to pick up the pieces, learn from the experience and move forward. Relapse becomes a true learning tool. When it is the latter (a battle between you and yourself), you will have some real soul-searching to do. Recovery becomes a game and your efforts towards recovery are at best, buffered; and at worst, wasted. When you shift your life management skills back to assessing decisions based on whether or not you will be caught, you've lost. You've lost the foundation of healthy life management and have begun your dual-identity approach to life once more.


Step Five: Assess the motivation of the relapse. There are people pursuing a healthy recovery that occasionally engage in behaviour that is destructive to their value system; yet they remain on a path towards health. There are others who engage in the exact same behaviour, but they aren't even close to pursuing a path to health. Which is which can be found by assessing not the behaviour, but the motivation behind the behaviour. Take a deep, insightful look into this motivation.
This is ongoing.

Places to look would be in the 'setting up' of the behaviour, the extensiveness of the behaviour and the cover-up of the behaviour. When lies are used long before the engagement of the behaviour to help set-up alibi's or excuses...this is not part of a healthy relapse. When the behaviour being engaged in is a "multi-level" type of behaviour...with numerous stimulating elements and numerous decisions having to be made in order to continue this behaviour...this is not part of a healthy relapse. And more than anything else, when personal attention turns to covering-up the behaviour, rather than remorse...it is not part of a healthy relapse. All of those behaviours suggest a pattern of someone who wants to retain their secret life...while pursuing a public recovery. However, when the 'relapse' is of a more sudden, spontaneous manner...triggered by emotions...without premeditation...and followed by true remorse and a re commitment to ending their addiction...then it is most likely part of a natural, healthy recovery process.
I did not premeditate this relapse. I did however let my life get completely out of whack. I let my monitoring slip, let my awareness wane, missed the warning signs. That, coupled with events that I didn't prepare for led to the relapse. The thing is the first part, letting things go and missing the signs happened so gradually that I didn't notice until it was too late. I was in relapse by the time I noticed. I was also trying to deal with some issues with my parents. This is probably the first time I have tried to deal with my issues and to say it has been rocky would be an understatement.

I understand now that I was struggling with not acting out but that I was repressing/suppressing it. In my current state of hype-awareness, I am seeing this.

Behavioural relapse is not an expected part of a healthy recovery, though it can be common. Emotional relapse, on the other hand--struggling with thoughts and desires and urges--this is an expected part of a healthy recovery. It will be experienced by everyone as they transition from a sexualized mind to health.
I was not lying or hiding before the relapse. I was being honest and truthful. I was being true to my values and boundaries before the wheels came off. I also was not consciously setting up a situation where I would relapse.

And I was genuinely remorseful while I was in the relapse. Not that it helped me get out of it though.

Step Six: Adjust. By this point in your recovery, you know what tools you need to manage a healthy life. And, you should also know at this point in the relapse assessment, what parts of your life management strategy failed you. Fix them. Whether this requires a few tweaks to your action plans, a re-commitment to your monitoring system or whether it requires a complete overhaul to your priorities and values--make the adjustments.
I have begun to look at this.

I need to re-engage with my weekly monitoring. I am updating it to include complacency and emotional stability

Step Seven: Accept the consequences--whatever they may be. At a minimum, these consequences will likely involve a hit to your confidence and self-respect. At worst, these consequences can throw your life into complete chaos. No matter what consequences you may face...face them with your head held high and your re-commitment to moving forward intact.
Easy to say, much more difficult to do. Not accepting the consequences but holding your head high.

Step Eight: Let it go. Not what you have learned from the relapse--that should become a part of your overall awareness forever. But the guilt, shame, insecurity, fear, etc.--let it all go. You have relapsed. You have not yet mastered the skills of living a healthy life and that has led to a collapse in how you have recently managed your life. Fine. Accept the consequences and move on. Remember, your goal is not to live a perfect life, it is to live a healthy, fulfilling life. Those goals are still intact and your job is to reconnect to this awareness at your first opportunity.

How do I do this? It sounds so simple but I have been unable to do this so far. I still haven't been able to let go of previous problems.
Is this an all at once thing or something that happens over time? I am still holding on to things that happened years ago. They still haunt me. I know I can't change them but they are still there and they still bring up emotions.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:24 pm 
Offline
General Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:49 pm
Posts: 3956
Thank you Jond for taking the time to repost your lesson responses! :w:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Letter to myself
PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:11 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
Letter to myself

To be read at when in relapse or at the end of relapse or at any time it is needed.

You can get through this. Whatever you have done cannot be undone and you will deal with it in due time.

What you need to do right now is to reconnect with the person you know you are and that you want the world to see. You need to show the world your soul and the person you truly are. They may not like it but you can not control that.

You are a good person who has flaws. You have chosen to try to address those flaws in a way that most people never do. You have chosen to look into yourself and not turn away from what you find. You have chosen to fight.

Right now you have fallen. You are hurting deeply and you will deal with that. You can get back up and try again. Show the yourself and the world who you are.

Remember, you always have a choice.
You can stay down or get up.
You can give in or you can fight.

Choose to get up.
Choose to fight.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Affirmations
PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:12 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
I am a good person
I will recover and lead a healthy life
My wife loves me
My daughter loves me
I deserve to lead a healthy life


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Lesson 66 take 2
PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:14 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
a) Consider your perspective towards potential triggers when you were in early recovery. Consider your perspective now. How has this changed?
At this point in my recovery I see triggers as nothing more than events that happen. Events that should be prepared for but just events. I understand that triggers d nothing themselves, it is how we handle and prepare for them that determines our actions.

b) List five potential triggers for you--that may lead you into a compulsive crisis. How can you shift your perspective of each so that they are not only NOT a threat to your values, but you can actually use these triggers to strengthen those values?

List of potential triggers (in no particular order)
1. Lapse in awareness/Life out of balance
2. Unresolved family of origin issues
3. Relationship problems
4. Work stress or unhappy at work
5. Unresolved slip

Perspective shift (In the order they appear above)
1. Lapse in awareness/Life out of balance. When my life gets out of balance, I do not make good decisions nor am I able handle issues that may come up that I may have been able to handle otherwise.

2. Unresolved family of origin issues. Dealing with the issues with my family of origin help my confidence. It will also help me to show myself that I am growing and improving. I may not get anywhere but at least I will have attempted to resolve the issues.

3. Relationship problems. These can cause a great deal of stress in people with emotional stability. Handling these in a mature manner will boost my confidence.

4. Work stress or unhappy at work. I have acted out at work in the past and it has lead to problems. I have actually dealt with problems at work as well and it did help my confidence levels.

5. Unresolved slip. This could quickly lead to the shame and guilt spiral that would quickly turn a minor slip into a full relapse. Resolving this would demonstrate to myself that I get it and am able to deal with slips in a mature way rather than the immature way I have in the past.

Further note
When I first did this lesson, I listed #5 as my #1 trigger. It certainly contributed to my relapse but was not the root cause. In fact it was more of a symptom that something was amiss. I have also discovered that a single trigger on its own will probably not cause too much harm. I experienced #4 and was able to deal with it in a mature fashion. It was stressful to be sure but I did deal with it. What ended up happening was a combination of waning awareness along with a trigger that I hadn't sufficiently prepared for. (#2)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Lesson 67
PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:28 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
a) List the most likely behaviour that you will need to monitor for potential 'switching' and/or compulsivity now that the sexual rituals have subsided.
The main behaviour I need to watch for is related to food. I love cooking and eating and will eat even when I am not hungry.
I also need to watch my alcohol consumption. I enjoy wine with my meals and during social events.

b) Are these listed anywhere on your weekly monitoring so that you can objectively assess them?

I have added them to my weekly monitoring as follows

Did I eat only when hungry?
Did I eat healthy foods?
Did I limit my alcohol consumption?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Lesson 68
PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:33 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
a) Map out your own anger rituals in the same way you did your sexual rituals long ago. Look for patterns in relating to your partner, co-workers, friends, yourself...where anger is triggered and
you find it difficult to disengage from that anger.
I am doing this in another set of file. I may post one or two for future reference

b) Can you identify the elements of these rituals where YOU actively intensify the stimulation that is experienced?
Yes. By going over the item(s) which triggered my anger. Replaying them over lets me hold onto the anger and does intensify it.

c) Do you think that 'creating a break' upon the awareness of these anger rituals will allow you to slow the situation enough to allow your values to take over? Why or why not?
Yes, I absolutely do. This lesson has come at a very fortuitous time. Without getting into all the gory details I am trying to deal with my parents and there attempts to control me and my family of origin. This started several weeks ago after they had stayed at our house. Several days after they left, I got a phone call from my Mom. She was being very dramatic and over reacting to a series
of simple issues that happened during their stay. It was a long and draining phone call but I didn't lose my temper and told her I would think about what she said and her concerns and get back to her. I took a couple days, thinking about each of the points she raised, wrote out what I thought and what I wanted to clarify. Called her back and had what I thought was a good, productive conversation. She said she had a couple points that she couldn't discuss over the phone and wanted to email them to me. I assumed that they were minor issues so I said sure.

To say I was stunned and angered by the email I received would be an understatement. I was livid. It took me 4 or 5 days before I could even read it all through at one sitting. The tone of her email indicated that she had not heard or not listened to anything I had said on the phone.

Rather than fire off an angry reply, I decided to hold off and wait until I was calmer. I replied a week later and not to all the content of the email. I simply stated that I was hurt, angry and upset and that I would not reply until I was ready to.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 10:39 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
a) Map out your own anger rituals in the same way you did your sexual rituals long ago. Look for patterns in relating to your partner, co-workers, friends, yourself...where anger is triggered and you find it difficult to disengage from that anger.

- Received phone call from Mom. She was calling to say she was upset with their recent visit. She was angry and aggressive
- Was taken aback. Tried to get what was really upsetting her
- Was angered by her tone and her accusations
- Tried to take mental notes of her points
- Calmed her a bit. Asked for some time to think about her points
- Finished phone call
- Felt intense anger to the point of rage. Also felt belittled as several of the points she brought up had to do with her disapproval of my choices during the weekend

b) Can you identify the elements of these rituals where YOU actively intensify the stimulation that is experienced?
Yes, by replaying the phone call and venting to my wife about the individual points.

c) Do you think that 'creating a break' upon the awareness of these anger rituals will allow you to slow the situation enough to allow your values to take over? Why or why not?
Yes I do. It will allow me to take a break and think about what was causing the anger and how best to deal with it.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2011 1:41 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
Edit and re-post from community forum

Slips

I want to share two incidents that have happened over the past week.

The first concerns an article I read on the web. The title was 'Why Lesbian porn is best'. It was about the making of porn and how some people in the industry are trying to change it. She found out and was understandably upset. When confronted I tried to justify not only the reading of it but the not sharing it. I tried all kinds of justifications but the fact is I should not have read it.

The second is a slip I had over the weekend. My wife an I were watching a movie and there was as sex scene in it. There was a bit of arousal on my part while watching it but when my wife asked if I was aroused I denied any arousal even though there was proof I was aroused. After a heated discussion, I finally admitted that I had been aroused.

What bothered my wife most about both incidents was my not sharing as well as the fact that in the first case I gave myself permission to read the article at all. It calls into question everything that we have built.

What I am doing now about it.
First, return to health monitoring. I am opening up both my daily and weekly monitoring.

Second, I am updating my reactive action plans. Or rather, I am creating a generic one from my specific ones. I will post it in my thread when I get it finished.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:00 pm 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
As mentioned above and in my original community post, here is the generic reactive action plan.

Generic Scenario
I am confronted with a situation where I have an opportunity to return to my old habits.

Options
1. Take the opportunity. Cover my tracks. Don't tell anyone
2. Take the opportunity. Cover my tracks. Tell my wife after the fact.
3. Don't take the opportunity. Suppress the urge. Don't tell anyone.
4. Don't take the opportunity.. Suppress the urge. Tell my wife about the urge.
5. Create a break. Don't tell anyone about the urge
6. Create a break. Tell my wife about the urge. Return to health monitoring to see if I am out of balance

Consequences
1. This is a slip and may lead to a relapse. It would be a violation of the boundaries around integrity, honesty and being a better husband

2. While slightly better in that my honesty is protected, my integrity boundaries are violated. Some of the boundaries around being a better husband (being honest, sharing) are protected but others (respecting my wife) are not.

3. Integrity is protected by not taking the opportunity. Honesty and being a better husband are damaged in that I am hiding and ignoring the urges. It is also a passive way to deal with the urge rather than a more active approach.

4. Integrity is protected by not taking the opportunity. Honesty and being a better husband are also protected when I tell my wife. It is still a passive way to deal with the urge rather

5. Integrity is protected by not taking the opportunity. Honesty and being a better husband are damaged in that I am hiding. It is an active approach to dealing with the urge.

6. Integrity is protected by not taking the opportunity. Honesty and being a better husband are also being protected by telling my wife. As well, by returning to my monitoring, I am trying to take an active approach to heading off future urges. (Anticipating, possible role playing)

Decision
I will choose #6

Follow up
Regardless of which option is chosen, I will need to evaluate my state of balance.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 122 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group