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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 8:57 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
This is my second attempt.

The first one was last summer. Unfortunately though, I fell off the wagon and did not stay with the program. I'm back this time and hopefully with an entire year of new experiences, I will be able to successfully navigate myself through the entire thing.

Allow me to reintroduce myself.


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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 9:08 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 1 Exercises:
A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.

1) I believe after an entire of trying during the school year. Now in the summer, it is a very good time where I can actively commit myself to change. Every single day of the year it is on my mind to change and recover but I don’t believe I have ever stayed consistent. I always go in so many directions and try so many things. I feel confident in staying with the program. Finishing a lesson every day or if it takes more than 1 day etc. I have been able to become more organized despite what I have said earlier and I will put each thing I learn and keep it with me.
2) I will not let guilt and/or shame to sabotage me in my commitment to change. Most of the guilt comes from being upset that my WILL was not strong enough. But again I understand the reason why I continue to fail is that I don’t know better and that WANTING is not enough.
3) I have always given myself time to change, perhaps at times at a fault. This will not be an issue though, if it takes 3 months, 6 months, or a year, I will be patient and kind to myself.


B. Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life. Don't stop at three or four obvious ones, really examine your life and what is important to you. Phrase these in the positive. For example: " I don't want to keep deceiving my wife" would serve you better if written like "I want to be honest and transparent with my wife". Positive statements have much more power in our mindset than negative ones. List these in your recovery thread.

I want a real and genuine life and I am genuine in all that I do, no shame or guilt underneath
I want to have a great relationship with friends, family, and peers. Not hiding anything but being who I am
I want to live a life where I am in control always and I know I can count on ME
I want to live a lifestyle where I am fully able to enjoy myself and not constantly feel not whole and missing out
I want to live a life full of truth and not a life of lies and fakeness, in front of everyone
I want to be there for my younger siblings who are still in school and in development
I want to be able to fully engage and learn new things without feeling like “beating” this addiction first
I want to be able to fully achieve my academic heights and potential
I want to be able to help others and know that I am in position to do so, beaming a light to others


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PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 1:26 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 280
Welcome back to RN WoFB,

Quote:
The first one was last summer. Unfortunately though, I fell off the wagon and did not stay with the program. I'm back this time and hopefully with an entire year of new experiences, I will be able to successfully navigate myself through the entire thing.

Recognise that you got pulled away from RN last time and be ready for that this time if you do genuinely want to recover.

If you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit, fully and completely
Work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
Coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

The path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
We usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
Get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

Remember to work at your own pace and it's not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

I look forward to seeing your progress on your thread. Let's get it right this time.

_________________
L2R

"Should you fail to permanently recover from your addiction, it will be due to your inability to fully commit to recovery"


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PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2018 12:21 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 2: VISION


My vision for life is to have the following incorporated in my life and to represent who I am in words.
To have and maintain healthy relationships with other people and exude with others that feeling of a real and genuine life with no fear of being judged. Showcasing who I am and expressing myself to others with beaming levels of confidence in myself. Constantly moving forward to achieve excellence in the things in front of me that need to be completed (school, job etc). Always maintaining that level of responsibility and respect towards towards other people and commanding that right back (friends, co-workers, new people). Taking care of myself physically and mentally, having that mind and body awareness in everything I do (lifting, meditation). Socially to be someone of value and known as someone who works extremely hard and is disciplined (job, physical, confidence). To be an active member of my family who is an example and shines light on others in a manageable way (calm, relaxed, helpful). To always when given the chance, aiming to achieve the feeling of adventure in all of my experiences, having fun and pushing the limit of what comfort is (camping, road trips etc). Having great incredible friends who I can depend on and who can depend on me, socializing and developing bonds with them. Having clarity in what I want to achieve during the day, week, month, year (goal setting what is in front of me). Encapsulating all mentioned in my vision into a representation of my life.


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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2018 1:40 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 3: Values


Values that correspond to my VISION :

Living with integrity
Strengthening my role as a friend to close people around me
Strengthening my role as a coworker
Being dedicated
Being tenacious in my pursuit of school activities, class, extracurriculars
Being respected as a professional by others
Staying active
Being dependable
Honesty
Sense of responsibility
Being considerate of others
Taking care of myself
Being a role model for my family
Being a role model for my peers
Living an exciting life
Living an adventurous life
Being challenged; overcoming challenges
Competition
Developing emotional maturity
Risk-taking (danger)
Striving for excellence
Physical health
Feeling sexually desired
Feeling masculine
Feeling empowered
Developing sustained friendships
Being validated by others
Being respected
Being judged trustworthy
Indulging in creative inspiration, development
Sharing my true self with the world around me
Developing superficial friendships
Being known as reliable
Connected to my own feelings
Being identified by others as charming and warm
Resourcefulness
Integrity
Organization
Personal independence
Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
Power
Control
Experiencing uniqueness
Improving my social interactions
Being a leader
Sexual intimacy
Physical attraction/Beauty
Masculinity
Building things
Intellectual growth, debate,
Feeling happy and content
Pressure to accomplish
Accepting responsibility for living my life
Be known as truthful and honest
Sense of accomplishment
Feeling challenged
Friendship
Realistic
Personal growth, development
Living a charged life
Showcasing value to other people
High levels of confidence and charm
Charisma
Discipline
Hard work
Powerful presence
Awareness of actions/thoughts
Adventure and excitement
Organization of schedule
Minimalistic
Clean
No bullshit/ just do it and do the next thing in day
Expression through actions
Poised and focused on task at hand
High levels of expectations in oneself
Humour
Helpful to others
Showing genuine interest in others and their life/day etc



Some of the values that went into the addiction were:

Excitement
Forbidden
Taboo
Alone/Time to oneself
No responsibility
No witnesses
Warmth
Comfortable
Variety
Resting and sleep
Meaning/Purpose in day
Delayment



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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2018 7:24 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson Four
Prioritizing Your Values




Being tenacious in my pursuit of school activities, class, extracurriculars
Strengthening my role as a friend to close people around me
Being challenged; overcoming challenges
Developing emotional maturity
Living an adventurous life/Adventure and excitement
Physical health
Feeling sexually desired
Developing sustained friendships
Indulging in creative inspiration, development
Pressure to accomplish
Awareness of actions/thoughts
Being respected as a professional by others
Discipline
Hard work
High levels of expectations in oneself
Perseverance
Be known as truthful and honest
Competition
Risk-taking (danger)
Improving my social interactions
Personal growth, development
No bullshit/ just do it and do the next thing in day
High levels of confidence and charm
Poised and focused on task at hand
Power
Expression through actions
Living with integrity
Living an exciting life
Striving for excellence
Personal independence
Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
Showcasing value to other people
Living a charged life
Charisma
Powerful presence
Clean


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PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2018 9:07 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Recovery Workshop: Lesson Five
Identifying Incongruent Values

Being tenacious in my pursuit of school activities, class, extracurriculars / Pressure to accomplish
Strengthening my role as a friend to close people around me
Developing emotional maturity
Living an adventurous life/Adventure and excitement/Living an exciting life
Physical health/Feeling sexually desired/Staying active
Developing sustained friendships
Indulging in creative inspiration, development
Awareness of actions/thoughts
Actively planning events
Being respected as a professional by others / Powerful presence
Discipline / Hard work / Perseverance
High levels of expectations in oneself / Striving for excellence
Improving my social interactions
Personal growth, development
High levels of confidence and Charisma
Poised and focused on task at hand
Showcasing value to other people


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PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2018 9:43 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 6 Exercise:

Being tenacious in my pursuit of school activities, class, extracurriculars / Pressure to accomplish
- Planning my study sessions first, cement the times
- Having a set time of studying and where I’m studying
- Zero distractions when studying

Strengthening my role as a friend to close people around me/Developing sustained friendships
- Calling a friend facetime each night
- Having more conversations daily
- Being more serious with my conversations

Living an adventurous life/Adventure and excitement/Living an exciting life
- Every weekend plan something to do both Friday night and Saturday night
- Friday night starts more at 8-9pm
- Saturday a little earlier

Physical health/Feeling sexually desired/Staying active
- Going to the gym 3x a week. COMMIT this time
- Commit to intermittent fasting, losing weight
- No breakfast and eat food from 2-9pm


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 11:44 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 7:

Indulging in creative inspiration, development
- Rubix cube potentially
- Reading books

Awareness of actions/thoughts
- Meditation everyday in the morning 15 min
- Bioenergetics in the morning
- Stretching and rolling

Being respected as a professional by others / Powerful presence
- Having the mindset of being hard
- Being grounded in all my actions which comes from bioen and stretching


Discipline / Hard work / Perseverance
- Always continually facing discomfort and the discomfort of working hard until you want to quit
- Setting difficult expectations of oneself
- Checklist of to-do list and do them

Ex.
1 hr Gym
15 meditation
30-45 min reading
30-60 min of Rubix Cube
30-45 min eating
30 Min Biking or 20 min running(not on leg day)


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 5:29 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 10 Exercises:


I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving. Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.

I am deceiving my friends. I give the persona that there is absolutely nothing wrong in my life. There have been multiple times where they’ve asked me if there was something wrong that I wanted to talk about and I didn’t. I don’t talk about the elephant in the room and I don’t address them. The risks of coming clean would their views of me changing and perhaps seeing me in a lower light. But also I think a PRO of this is being taken more seriously. I think because of me not sharing my true self to the world, I instead resort to jokes. I have been doing this for a long time and I am just realizing why. I was afraid of how people would judge me. By showing my true self to the world, I risk being judged by people but I also have the opportunity to be taken much more seriously by everyone. Taken for as an actual individual instead of playing a role as a class clown in every situation.

Parents. I don’t talk about anything in my personal life. The are very conservative and religious and my views are completely the opposite of theirs. For this reason, I don’t even feel like coming open to them is available as the consequences would be crazy. For them to have a better reaction I would need to become more successful in life. When this happens, it will be natural to open up to them as I would have evidence of autonomy. Something I don’t have right now.

VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.

Room


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2018 7:09 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 12 Exercise:


- They often feel forced into recovery (e.g. legal consequences, social expectations, treatment demands)

- They believe that they are uniquely defective and/or damaged as human beings

- They often attempt to "prove" their sincerity to others through voicing dreams, sharing words and making promises, rather than through their actions.

- They find comfort in knowing that they can play the "relapse card" should they ever be caught acting out

- They often experience selfish thoughts when caught acting out (e.g. "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Why didn't I cover that up better?" "Why do I cause myself so much pain?")

- They consistently measure the success of their recovery through abstinence, rather than emotional stability and personal satisfaction.

- They tend to hyper analyze their actions, thoughts and feelings...and make the possibility of living a "normal" life all but impossible.

- Capable of achieving anything they set their minds to...though unsure of what it is they will eventually settle their minds on.


Last edited by thewilloffireblooms on Sun Jun 03, 2018 7:13 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2018 6:51 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 13 Exercise:

Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery.

- In early recovery, they tend to experience relief in having their behaviors understood, and immediately seek understanding in all areas of their life. Unfortunately, this tends to overwhelm them, distract them, etc., but it is fairly common...and a good sign that their desire to change is sincere.

- In early recovery, extremely negative emotions are the norm: especially as they relate to depression, anxiety, hopelessness and suicide.

- They have accepted that they have struggled with certain immoral behaviors that contradicted their values, but realize that what matters is what they are doing, not what they did. They realize that no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present.

- Their motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that they can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that they can be proud of.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2018 12:41 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3635
Location: UK
Hi Will

I see that you have two threads running
on the other thread I wrote

This is my second attempt.

I'm back this time


Quote:
Are you :pe:
I do hope so but there is as yet little proof of your commitment
come on in what do you have to lose SFA

you have a value, please embrace that



I had at that time not seen this thread
so I was wrong
this thread does demonstrate your commitment and I apologise
some good work do keep it up

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2018 6:34 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 14: Health Monitoring


List
Did you intermittent fast today(3-11pm)? No sweets and unhealthy food?
Did you go to the gym today for your designated workout? (If off day, did you run 15 min?)
Did you meditate 15 min today?
Did you read your daily book for 30-45 min today?
Did you engage in a social activity today?

I will spend 5 minutes before bed reviewing it.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 11:41 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:16 pm
Posts: 62
Lesson 16 Exercise:

I. Consider the POSITIVE role that addiction has played in your life. What purposes has it served (think short-term, not long)?
Share a few positive aspects of your addiction in your recovery thread. Share 6-8 minimum.

- Has allowed me comfort and a safe-haven from negativity in my life.
- Makes me feel emotions of excitement and a rush, all in the moment.
- Allows me time for myself away from others and the noise of life.
- Allows me to never get bored and always have something to do.
- Lets me find something to do with my time and something I feel I am enjoying.
- Allows me to have control over what i am doing in the moment of things.
- Gives me the emotions of power and conquering and strength.
- Allows me to go into fantasy mode instead of having to face other facets of life.


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