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 Post subject: Recovery Response Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 12:22 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 14, 2019 5:07 am
Posts: 3
My three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) I definitely want to change and get myself out of my sexual addiction and compulsive behaviors as I want to get out of my current hollow and rotten life. A life where I feel so empty and meaningless. A life where I do not know how to love and cherish people who are important in my life, A life where I am so superficial and shallow and where I don’t know how to enjoy achievements and precious moments. I just want to please everybody so that I can be Mr. Popular, but without seeing getting any value out of them. Worst of all, I can see how rotten I was to have done what I did to hurt those I loved most so badly. I want to change so that I can learn to appreciate and cherish people, especially those who are important in my life and to appreciate happy and important moments in my life.
2) I am very ashamed of what I did over my life and my marriage, and how I have destroyed what we have built over the years. Worst of all, how I destroyed the lives of people I loved most. I know I have to change the way I think in order to move forward. But I think this will take some time. I want to be able to feel more positive about myself as I move forward in my recovery so that I can live a more meaningful life. And at the same time, provide a better life for those I loved.
3) I wish to change fast but I know it will take time for the change to happen. I am prepared to go through this journey so that I can change and recover in a more permanent way.

Reasons why I seek to permanently change my life:
1. I want to live a truthful life to myself
2. I want to live a life based on proper solid values
3. I want to provide my family with a better and happier life
4. I want to live a life that treasure and cherish those I love and care for most
5. I want my family to be proud of me or just to be standing next to me
6. I want a life at a pace and issues that I can control and manage
7. I want to live a life that I do not “offer” myself to please everyone
8. I want to be more committed to people and issues
9. I want a healthy life, thinking only positive thoughts and acting positively
10. I want a meaningful and full life


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:28 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3781
Location: UK
Hello Roland
welcome to RN a proven well trodden path for recovery
if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path sucessfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination



lets get committed totally committed and look forwards to being that better man
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2019 5:04 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 14, 2019 5:07 am
Posts: 3
Thank you very much Coach Kenzo for your comments. I want to work hard to become a better man. That's what my son told me when I apologised to him for the wrong actions that I committed.

Lesson 2: My Vision
From now on, I want to live a life that is meaningful and has depth – especially to people who I care and love and to issues which are important to me. I want to live a life that is truthful to God, to my wife and son and most of all, to myself
To God, who knows everything, I want to be able to engage and talk to God everyday and reflect on what I go through in my life each day. This will be a good way for me to check myself and my actions daily in front of God
To my wife, who I love and yet I hurt so much, I want to devote the rest of my life to her. I want to develop greater depth in our relationship so that I can learn to appreciate her more each day, I can learn how to love her and make her feel more secure and protected. I want to plan and do things that we can both enjoy as a couple in our daily life. I want to communicate more proactively and also be more intimate with my wife so that she will understand me better and know that I appreciate and love her. I will continue to plan and travel with my wife to places where we can enjoy as a couple ie. enjoy the activities, sceneries and food etc. I want to have a life with my wife where we can laugh and cry together openly and truthfully, one where we can wholeheartedly love and care for one another.
To my son, I want to be a good role model for him. Someone that he can look up to and seek advice when he needs to. I want to have a deeper relationship with my son so that we can both share our thoughts more frequently and openly. I want to be able to share his life as he starts his career and later his family
For myself, I want to live a happier, more truthful and meaningful life. I want to have more integrity in my own life; a life that I am more aware, in control and one where I will be more deliberate in my actions and behaviours. Knowing very clearly why and what I want and should or should not do. I want to be more truthful and be able to get rid of fake and deceitful behaviours
I want to be more focused and go into greater depth in people who are important to me and issues that are of interest to me. To be able to develop and enhance relationship and to start really enjoying hobbies such as jogging, swimming, golfing and travelling.
I want to spend more meaningful time with my siblings and to enrich their lives whenever I can. Need to spend more consistent time with them and understand their situation and see how I can help them to look at things more differently and with a stronger sense of black and white.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 12, 2019 4:39 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 14, 2019 5:07 am
Posts: 3
Lesson 3
My Values (Prioritised)
1. Truthful to God, to myself and to those I love and care for
2. Honesty and transparency to myself, my family and others
3. Thank and engage God each day
4. Develop a more intimate and loving relationship with my wife
5. Good father & role model to my son
6. Develop and enhance relationship with my wife, son, siblings and close friends
7. Meaningful and happy life with my family
8. Develop greater depth in issues that are of interest to me
9. A life that I am more aware & in control
10. Stronger sense of black and white
11. Treasure & Cherish people whom I loved and cared about and things which are important to me – no need to please everyone
12. Meaningful time and genuine care for my siblings
13. More deliberate in my actions and behaviours
14. Spend quality time and travel as a family
15. Enjoy simple and day to day moments
16. Spend quality time in what I like to do; travelling, gardening, golf, running, swimming, reading etc.
Negative Values
Fake and deceitful behaviours
Selfish
Cruel
No clear boundary
Low Class
Sleazy
Take advantage of situation & people
Shallow
Greedy
Sense of entitlement
Compulsive behaviours
Lazy to think
Not truthful to myself and others


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