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 Post subject: Eunoia's recovery thread
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:55 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:27 am
Posts: 5
Lesson one

Where am I with regard to commitment

One trait of character I have in effect chosen not to develop is commitment. Aside from porn (and I’m certain it relates), I don’t follow through on pretty much everything. From entertaining things like finishing books or tv series, to the many projects I pick up, to my education, and to more meaningful things like relationships of all types… it is a strong pattern in my life that I have made choices that avoid commitment. I can get things done, but in many cases it is usually from the last minute stress to pull something off because of essential need. This relates to my indulgence of what I want to do at every changing moment. This is very apparent in porn use, but is seen in other aspects of my life as well. I’ll extend great amounts of energy into making something ‘perfect’, but these details usually involve more or less superficial things rather than things I can actually handle and have time for. My perception of commitment is likely also distorted. Commitment has nothing to do with being perfect or great amounts of energy. It is just dedicating the self to something or someone.

Guilt / shame

Guilt and shame play a significant role in my life. I’ve easily accepted this as a part of indulging urges, fantasy thinking and, behavior that I do not like. I know it feeds my cycle of ever increasing obsession and addiction. I do something I don't like. I feel shameful about it. I don't like feeling shameful, so I take the easy way out by burying that emotion with more behavior I don't like. It's madness. How about I actually stop doing the behaviors I don't like and that produce shame! The task at hand is how to convert this toward the way I really want to live my life.

Time to heal

I want immediate gratification in most all things. Whether it is with driving and being frustrated with slow drivers, to the high of new things or relationships, to the instant discovery that creates recovery. I don’t give myself time, but really there is a lack of something connected to this. I wish to. This wish isn’t desire or want. I think it speaks to something more essential that I avoid addressing.

10-15 reasons to change

I wish to live an honest and character driven life for myself and the people I care about.
I wish to follow through and remain committed to tasks, projects, and relationships.
I wish to connect with trusted others with affection, charity, and openness.
I wish to develop the undeveloped parts of myself.
I wish to bring order and goodness into my life and spread it around me.
I wish to feel good about myself and get genuine satisfaction from who I am and what I do.
I wish to be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy.
I wish to contribute to things that are more than myself.
I wish to do things with confidence, clarity, and purpose.
I wish to maintain focus on the things I want in life and need to do.
I wish to simplify the things that need simplifying in my life.
I wish to communicate clearly and with sincerity to the people in my life.
I wish to ask for help when needed and to give help where I can.
I wish to have an organized personal physical space as well as mental space.
I wish to exert the appropriate energy toward tasks and commitments.
I wish to only make promises that I can and do keep.
I wish to embrace and develop the talents I have.

Looking at the child that is me...

Well, I've avoided this one. Finding a picture was easy enough. But actually facing that child wasn't something I wanted to do. But there is another part of me, that knows I've been neglecting both this young boy, the experiences he had, and the person and life I've made. I see goodness in him, innocence, gentleness, and a fondness for life. The picture is one with my older sister and I see it in her too. This actually brings more emotion up for me. Perhaps because she had it worse, perhaps because that relationship would become fractured growing up. I feel a loss of what I could have accomplished for this boy. I feel that I betrayed him. I feel that I threw away living life for false illusions that provide instant feel good chemicals. I feel that he became isolated and withdrawn. I feel like I want to do better by him.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 02, 2020 10:57 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:27 am
Posts: 5
Lesson 2

Establishing a Healthy Vision for My Life

My vision for myself is to fully engage with others and the various parts of my life. In this, I seek to communicate openly and honestly, specifically to those I value. I want to recognize the value others give to me and to freely give the same. I wish to reach toward God, something that is much more than myself, through my acts toward others, meeting my responsibilities with gratitude, and by giving nourishment to my potential and the divine intent that rests within me. I wish to for my life and my legacy to provide order from disorder. I seek to achieve health, to the best of my most sincere abilities. I seek to continually develop my sincerity by actively looking at and addressing the things I’d rather ignore and deny. I seek an unflinching will that brings my vision into reality. I seek to put my thoughts, efforts, and energy into the things that create growth for myself and that may be of benefit for others.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2020 5:54 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4048
Location: UK
Hello E
Quote:
I have made choices that avoid commitment


great opening statement
you have opened a door , now you need to pass through it ... or not you choose

welcome to a proven well trodden path for recovery
if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path successfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your vision is good but it could be better by adding a few "how" "why"and "whens"

IMO the vision is the cornerstone of recovery, so the more detail the better
your call

lets get committed totally committed and look forwards to being that better man
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2020 9:43 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4048
Location: UK
Hello Eunoia
some time ago I posted
Quote:
you have opened a door , now you need to pass through it ... or not you choose


looks to me like you have chosen to NOT

prove me wrong, for your sake

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2020 9:12 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:27 am
Posts: 5
Kenzo wrote:
Hello Eunoia
some time ago I posted
Quote:
you have opened a door , now you need to pass through it ... or not you choose


looks to me like you have chosen to NOT

prove me wrong, for your sake


It is up to me, and it for my sake as well as those I care for. I get the tough stance but to be honest it's not motivating. I need to find some footing. In any case, I'll be starting again.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2020 8:00 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 26, 2019 8:20 am
Posts: 8
Eunoia wrote:
Kenzo wrote:
Hello Eunoia
some time ago I posted
Quote:
you have opened a door , now you need to pass through it ... or not you choose


looks to me like you have chosen to NOT

prove me wrong, for your sake


It is up to me, and it for my sake as well as those I care for. I get the tough stance but to be honest it's not motivating. I need to find some footing. In any case, I'll be starting again.


Hello Eunoia

Don't lose heart, there are others in exactly the same situation. I'm one of them. I also found Kenzo's slightly tough line less than motivating at first, but I realised that I should not take it personally, for he doesn't know me. By the same token, I don't know him, and what lead him here to be a coach and what shaped the way he coaches. If sometimes he seems harsh, I suppose that's just his way. Remember, at the end of the day he, like the other coaches here, is trying to help.

What I try and do is look at the things the coaches say objectively. Maybe that would work for you. They've seen these behaviours and attitudes, that we, the users of this forum exhibit, and they're just reminding us of some insights that are tried and tested. Presumably some of these coaches are recovering addicts themselves. If that's so, then they know the patterns and struggles we are facing first hand, as they've lived it / are living it themselves.

Anyway Eunoia, your posts struck a chord with me, and I just wanted to say that you're not alone.

Stay safe, 7Squirrel.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2020 12:15 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:27 am
Posts: 5
7Squirrel wrote:
Hello Eunoia

Don't lose heart, there are others in exactly the same situation. I'm one of them. I also found Kenzo's slightly tough line less than motivating at first, but I realised that I should not take it personally, for he doesn't know me. By the same token, I don't know him, and what lead him here to be a coach and what shaped the way he coaches. If sometimes he seems harsh, I suppose that's just his way. Remember, at the end of the day he, like the other coaches here, is trying to help.

What I try and do is look at the things the coaches say objectively. Maybe that would work for you. They've seen these behaviours and attitudes, that we, the users of this forum exhibit, and they're just reminding us of some insights that are tried and tested. Presumably some of these coaches are recovering addicts themselves. If that's so, then they know the patterns and struggles we are facing first hand, as they've lived it / are living it themselves.

Anyway Eunoia, your posts struck a chord with me, and I just wanted to say that you're not alone.

Stay safe, 7Squirrel.


I do get it. I have too many indulgences that exist from my own thinking, and they really don't deserve much too much quarter since such allowance just permits them to continue. I understand the tough line as it can be needed, and I am here to tackle tackle these things. Thanks for the thoughts and support.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2020 12:17 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:27 am
Posts: 5
Here's a revised vision for my life. I'll likely continue revising, but I'll be working on the next lesson first.

Establishing a Healthy Vision for My Life

My vision for myself is create a life of inspiration, growth, and fulfilment. In this, I give of myself fully to my responsibilities with gratitude and without resentment. I take on responsibilities just above what makes me comfortable.  I take healthy, life-enriching risks like being vulnerable and sharing my past scars and present difficulties with those I care about, and I also set healthy boundaries where I need them to be. I willingly face any desire for unhealthy risks that a part of me wants to take, and use it for exploring what is going on in my world, an examination of my current thinking patterns as it relates to present or past events, what I can learn from, and how I have a choice that I can and do make toward commitments, responsibilities and the things I truly value instead. In other words, I face and accept my weaknesses while also recognizing my strengths and values I have and use to overcome challenges. 

I put energy into the things that provide energy. For me, these are things like research, reading and writing, giving service to others in everything from manual labor and cooking to sharing my experiences and knowledge. I communicate openly and honestly, commit myself to my tasks at hand by listening to what is greater in me and allowing what is lesser in me to pass. I seek to recognize the value others give to me and to freely give the same. I reach toward God, the Universal Devine, something that is much more than myself, through my acts toward others, meeting my responsibilities with gratitude, and by giving nourishment to my potential and the divine intent that rests within me. I wish to for my life and my legacy to provide order from disorder. When I see something that can be cleaned or organized, if I can do it, I do. I seek to achieve health in body, mind, and spirit. I seek to continually develop my sincerity by actively looking at and addressing the things I’d rather ignore and deny. I seek an unflinching will that brings my vision into reality. 


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2020 6:34 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4048
Location: UK
Hi EU
Quote:
It is up to me, and it for my sake as well as those I care for. I get the tough stance but to be honest it's not motivating. I need to find some footing. , .


the motivation for recovery needs to come from within
As you say it is up to you, this community can only encourage and support

Quote:
I'll be starting again

and you have , with a much better vision :g: :g: :g: :g:

7 Squirrel
For sure you were being supportive and meant well but posting in another's thread is strongly discouraged as per
Quote:
Just a reminder:

Know that while you are welcome to review other people's Personal Healing/Recovery Threads for possible insights and experiences to apply to your own healing, you are asked not to post directly into another person's healing/recovery lesson response thread.

Hugs -

Coach Sue

found in http://www.recoverynation.com/partnersb ... 13&t=23183

no harm done indeed quite the contrary

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2020 12:21 pm 
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Joined: Fri Apr 26, 2019 8:20 am
Posts: 8
Oh, sorry, I didn't know that posting in someone else's thread was not encouraged. I will stick to reading the posts.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2020 9:54 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4048
Location: UK
Hello EU
OK you did not like my previous comment

so now the silence is deafening !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

come on do this for you, you know that you want to but also likely fear losing your "friend"
believe me addiction is friend to nobody

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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