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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 10:58 am 
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A huge part of the work of healing and recovery has to do with creating and connecting to a vision for our lives. The more I experience life, either through my role here as a coach, or in my personal life, the more strongly I feel that vision work is cornerstone to living an empowered, health based life--regardless of whether or not one's life has been impacted by sexual addiction. Creating a vision for our life, extracting and deepening the meaning we derive from our values, is not something that is taught in schools and sadly, it is not something that we are often intentionally taught by our families, either. Not surprisingly, it is the part of the workshop with which many people struggle and get stuck on and is what motivated me to I write this "how to" for creating your vision. This is an incomplete work in progress, and I am not certain how it will unfold exactly but as it does, I will post the updates here, in this thread. I hope that you will find these exercises useful and practical, inspiring and motivating you in creating your life's vision!


A well thought out vision, one that considers the totality of your life, will serve you well--especially when you are met with conflict or major life decisions!

So, how does one go about creating a vision for their life? Good question! Most of us have never done this kind of work before, so being given the task, especially so early on in the process of healing and recovery, can seem daunting. This is why I decided to write this little "how to" on creating an effective vision. Let's begin. First, read through each exercise. Do them all, or choose the ones that most appeal to you. I suggest at least 3, including number 5. The more you do the better, as each one will contribute something to the others, but it really is up to you! Just like the workshop--and life--what you get out is relative to what you put in!

1. Start at the Very End. This one is a little confronting for people who may not deal well with the idea of their own mortality, but let's face it~we are all going to die, sooner or later! But, as the quote goes, "are we truly going to live"? Yes, you are and your vision is going to show you the way! Imagine that you are able to be at your own funeral. Who is there? What are they saying about you? Think in terms of what you would want them to say, as this is an exercise in creating a vision for the person you are committed to being, not an exercise in beating yourself up for falling short of your, or anyone else's, expectations! Another approach to this exercise is to imagine that you are able to do a review of your life after you have taken your last breath. What was your life like? Was it everything you wanted it to be? What did you like about it? What would you change if you had the opportunity? Again, think about the roles you filled, the people you surrounded yourself with, how you spent your time etc. ...and don't forget the values you lived by!

2. Start at the Very Beginning. Think back to when you were a child. What did you like to do? What kinds of activities did you do and what kinds of games did you play (dress-up, building with lego or blocks, drawing, reading, sports etc.)? What did you imagine yourself doing when you grew up? What were your favorite school subjects? Did you play sports? What were your hobbies? Where were your favorite places to go? What sense do you have of yourself as a child (free spirit, introspective, strong-willed, loving, helpful, outgoing, shy)? Also think about the things that you didn't like to do? Why didn't you like to do them? What things did you always wish you could do, that you felt you couldn't?

3. Your Ideal Self. What energizes and inspires you? What are your natural talents (those things you do that seem effortless, that you may even take for granted)? What would you like more of in your life? What would you like less of? Who would you most like to be like? Why? What personal qualities and characteristics (in yourself and in others) appeal to you?

4. Your Dream Life. What do you want more than anything else in this world? If you had no obligations, constraints, or obstacles and your resources were unlimited, what would you do? Where would you be? Who would you be with? What do your surroundings look like? What pursuits would you devote your time to? What do you most like to talk about? What motivates you? What could you spend an entire day doing and not grow tired, bored, drained from or frustrated with? Think beyond your response and answer the question of why in regard of your responses. Think about what it is about that person that you would like to spend time with them; what is it about that location that you are ever-inspired, peaceful, energized, etc.

5. Your Values Inventory. Using the list provided, highlight the attributes, qualities and values that appeal most to you. Cross out the ones you don't like. Add any that you don't see listed that appeal to you. Use a dictionary or use your own interpretation to define what these words (values) mean to you. Group similar value words together to form a value concept. Use one or two defined values to represent your value concept. To help you with your definitions and to develop your values concepts, it will help to think about what behaviours, actions and ways of being that a person with (insert value here) will be. For example, I value Integrity. The dictionary definition of integrity is “the state of being whole and undivided; the condition of being unified, unimpaired, or sound in construction; the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; uprightness. My personal definition of a person with integrity is a person who honors themselves as their word, they do what they say by when they said they would do it, they practice absolute honesty, they are the change they wish to see in the world, they think about the impact they have on others and the world around them and they take responsibility for their actions. Integrity is the foundation for all of my other values; in other words, without integrity, my other values risk being compromised.

Alphabetical List of Values:

Ability, Abundance, Academics, Accessibility, Accommodating, Accomplishment, Achievement, Acknowledgment, Activeness, Acquiring, Adaptability, Admiration, Adoration, Adroitness, Advancement, Adventure, Advice, Affection, Affluence, Aggressiveness, Agility, Alertness, Allegiance, Altruism, Amazement, Amusement, Ambition, Amnesty, Anticipation, Appreciation, Approachability, Approval, Articulacy, Artistry, Assertiveness, Atonement, Attentiveness, Attraction, Attractiveness, Audacity, Austerity, Authenticity, Authority, Autonomy, Availability, Awareness, Awe

Balance, Beauty, Being, Being the/your best, Belonging, Beliefs, Benevolence, Bliss, Boldness, Bonding, Bravery, Brilliance, Building, Buoyancy

Calmness, Camaraderie, Candor, Capability, Career (mindedness), Carefulness, Caring, Celebration, Celebrity, Certainty, Challenge, Change, Character, Charity, Charm, Chastity, Cheerfulness, Choice, Civility, Clarity, Classiness, Cleanliness, Clear-mindedness, Cleverness, Closeness, Closure, Coaching, Cognizance, Collaboration, Comfort, Commitment, Communication, Communion, Community, Companionship, Compassion, Compatibility, Competence, Competition, Completion, Composure, Comprehensiveness, Compromise, Concentration, Confidence, Conformity, Congruity, Connection, Conscience, Conscientiousness, Conservation, Conservatism, Consciousness, Consideration, Consistency, Contentment, Continuity, Continuous growth, Contribution, Control, Conversation, Conviction, Conviviality, Coolness, Cooperation, Cordiality, Correctness, Courage, Courteousness, Craftiness, Creativity, Credibility, Cunning, Curiosity

Daring, Decency, Decisiveness, Decorum, Dedication, Deference, Delight, Democracy, Dependability, Depth, Designing, Desire, Destiny, Detachment, Determination, Devotion, Dexterity, Dignity, Diligence, Diplomacy, Direction, Directness, Discernment, Discipline, Discipleship, Discovery, Discretion, Distinction, Diversity, Dominance, Dreaming, Drive, Dutifulness, Dynamism

Eagerness, Earnestness, Economy, Ecstasy, Education, Effectiveness, Efficiency, Elation, Elegance, Emotional maturity, Empathy, Empowerment, Encouragement, Endeavor Endurance, Energy, Enjoyment, Enterprising, Entertainment, Equinamity, Esteem, Evolution, Excellence, Exceptionality, Excitement, Exhilaration, Expansion, Expectancy, Expediency, Experience, Experimenting, Expertise, Expressiveness, Extraordinariness, Extravagance, Extroversion, Exuberance

Fairness, Faith, Faithfulness, Fame, Family, Fascination, Fashion, Fearlessness, Feeling(s), Ferocity, Fidelity, Fierceness, Finances, Firmness, Fitness, Flexibility, Flow, Fluency, Focus, Fortitude, Frankness, Freedom, Friendliness, Friendship, Frugality, Fun

Gallantry, Generosity, Gentility, Giving, Grace, Gratitude, Gregariousness, Growth, Guidance

Happiness, Harmony, Health, Healthfulness, Heart, Helpfulness, Heroism, Holiness, Holism, Honesty, Honor, Hope, Hopefulness, Hospitality, Humanitarianism, Humor, Hygiene

Imagination, Impact, Impartiality, Importance, Independence, Individuality, Indulgence, Industriousness, Ingenuity, Initiative, Innovation, Inquisitiveness, Insightfulness, Inspiration, Integrity, Intelligence, Intensity, Intimacy, Intrepidness, Introversion, Intuitiveness, Inventiveness, Invulnerability

Joyfulness, Judiciousness, Justice

Kaizen, Keenness, Kindness, Kindheartedness, Knowledge

Leadership, Learning, Legacy, Liberation, Liberty, Likability, Liveliness, Logic, Longevity, Love, Loyalty

Magnanimity, Majesty, Making a Difference, Marriage, Mastery, Maturity, Maximization, Meekness, Mellowness, Mercy, Meritoriousness, Methodology, Meticulousness, Mindfulness, Moderation, Modesty, Motivation, Mysteriousness

Neatness, Nerve, Normality, Nostalgia, Notoriety, Nutrition

Obedience, Open-Mindedness, Openness, Optimism, Order, Organization, Originality, Outlandishness, Outrageousness

Participation, Partnership, Passion, Patriotism, Peace, Perceptiveness, Perseverance, Personal Growth, Perfectionism, Perkiness, Persistence, Persuasiveness, Philanthropy, Piety, Playfulness, Pleasantness, Pleasing Others, Pleasure, Poise, Polish, Popularity, Potency, Power, Practicality, Pragmatism, Precision, Preparedness, Presence, Privacy, Proactivity, Problem-Solving, Professionalism, Progress, Prosperity, Protection, Prudence, Punctuality, Puritanism, Purity, Purpose

Quality, Qualifying, Qualification, Quietism, Quietude, Quirkiness

Realism, Reason, Reasonableness, Recognition, Recreation, Refinement, Reflection, Regard, Regulation, Relationship, Relaxation, Reliability, Religion, Religiousness, Resilience, Resolution, Resolve, Resourcefulness, Respect, Rest, Restfulness, Restraint, Results, Reverence, Richness, Rigor

Sacrifice, Sagacity, Saintliness, Sanctitude, Sanguineness, Satisfaction, Security, Self-actualization, Self-care, Self-control, Self-esteem, Selflessness, Self-reliance, Self-respect, Sensitivity, Sensuality, Serenity, Service, Servitude, Sexuality, Sharing,
Shrewdness, Significance, Silence, Silliness, Simplicity, Sincerity, Skillfulness, Solidarity, Solitude, Solvency, Soundness, Specialness, Speediness, Spirit, Spirituality, Spontaneity, Spunk, Stability, Status, Stealth, Stillness, Strength, Structure, Success, Support, Supremacy, Surprise, Survival, Sympathy, Synergy, Systemization

Teamwork, Temperance, Tenacity, Thankfulness, Thoroughness, Thoughtfulness, Thrift, Tidiness, Timeliness, Tolerance, Tradition, Tranquility, Transcendence, Transformation, Trust, Trustworthiness, Truth, Truthfulness

Understanding, Unflappability, Uniqueness, Unity, Usefulness, Utilitarianism

Valor, Variety, Verve, Victory, Vigor, Virtue, Vision, Visionariness, Vitality, Vivacity

Wackiness, Warmth, Watchfulness, Wealth, Willingness, Willpower, Winning, Wisdom, Wittiness, Wonder, Worldliness, Worthiness

Yearning, Youthfulness

Zaniness, Zeal, Zest


6. Identify your Domains. A domain, by definition, is an area of territory owned or controlled by a ruler or government. Therefor, your domains are the areas of your life that are controlled by you! What are those domains? Some ideas to get you rolling are Family, Friend, Career, Spirituality, etc. Some of these may be broken down into sub-domains, or you can separate them out as individual domains~your choice. For instance, Family can be divided into subdomains of Partner, Parent, Son/Daughter, Sister/Brother, etc. The more areas you identify, the more areas you will have to support you.

7. Vision Abstract Collage. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words! Using old magazines, tear out pictures that represent what you envision or want for your life. You can include personal photographs as well, creating your collage using the traditional cut and paste method, or create a digital collage, or perhaps a scrapbook or even a photo collage using a collage frame (with multiple openings). You can draw, write original work or include quotes that inspire you~anything that conjures up a rich mental image of the vision you have for your life. Think about the story told by each image you incorporate into your collage. Use each element of your collage to draw out your values.

When considering your vision, you also want to consider the values that you have inherited (from your family of origin, from your faith or spiritual based affiliations, from your peers, from your culture, etc.). Some of these values will "make the cut" but some might not. That is the thing about your vision~it is your vision! :w:

Finally, As you are developing your vision, you want to keep in mind that, just as life is a process, so to is creating your vision: As you evolve, so will your vision. There is no "right" or "wrong" vision to have, only one that is right or wrong for you! Be honest with yourself, be true to yourself. If you are including something because you feel you should, or if it doesn't feel right~it likely isn't.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 3:01 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:54 am
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Coach Mel

Thank you so much for this. This is astonishingly helpful. you are a wonder.

Shaw


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 10:17 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
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Hi coach Mel
I second Shaws comment
a very useful guide, the importance of which can be evaluated as new members generate their own visions and established members re evaluate theirs
As you said vision is all important in the quest for health
I still marvel at the vision of coach Jon as he plowed that first very lonely furrow
keep up all of the great work and please accept a heartfelt thanks

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 12:39 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2007 11:28 pm
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I third the motion Coach.

Outstanding job!

Not only with this post (which is/was awesome) but all your other efforts for the forum as well. :g:


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:43 am 
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Coach Mel,

Thank you for the time and energy you put into this.

RN is very fortunate to have you. I look forward to doing all of these exercises!

Best,

Randy


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:33 pm 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
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Thank you all for your positive comments.... much appreciated. :)

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 4:02 pm 
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If I think about what people might say at my funeral, I have to divide the people into two categories. The ones who knew I had a sexual addiction, and the ones who didn't. The ones who didn't know would say I was a fine upright man who went to church, raised two fine boys, and loved his wife of more than 32 years. They could say these things because they knew nothing about any of my thoughts sexual or otherwise. I kept friends in the dark because of what they would think of me.
The ones who knew of my struggles would say he really tried hard to beat the addiction. That's because until approximately 1-2 years ago they would know that I would try and be really gung ho and then slow down with my efforts. Now they could say that I am working several programs, reading, learning to be open about my addiction. Now that I have been open with other people (addicts and non addicts) I still see that I am loved and not rejected.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 4:06 pm 
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Hello wmmcguire,

Do you have a recovery thread? If so, your response would be best placed there. Also, the point of that part of the exercise is to consider what you would want said about you at your funeral, compared to what they might actually say. Is this what you would want them to say? If yes, then these are points to include in your vision for your life. If not, then these are areas to work on.

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 9:00 am 
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it took time for my account to be activated but what i have encountered has been helpful. i always feared to have a vision and values. i am aged 23. this is my vision and my values

I will be physically fit, having abs, and being there for my wife and kids. I want to live the best out of my life; worshipping and praising God, learning, developing, improving myself and have a nice home, cars and belongings. More so I appreciate the little and big things I have and be patient in pursuing my goals which makes me be successful with everything I do and women. Most of all; through my confidence and fighting spirit I rationally decide with my brains not my emotions.

Values
 Integrity - to behave in line with my vision and values
 Priority –to always do vital things first on the to do list
 Decision making – to always make a decision or choice in whatever situation which is based upon rational thinking rather than emotions.
 Responsibility – to be in charge of my life and accountable for my decisions and choices. Take care of my mom, Mishy, Popo and girlfriend.
 Prayer and Word –to always pray and read the word of God at any time presented.
 Confidence - to always believe in myself in decision making, tasks, relationships, and in airing out my opinions.
 Contentment – to be appreciative and happy on whom I am and belongings I have.
 Development – to not be on the same stage for a long period of time; socially, academically, materialistically, financially, spiritually and relationship wise.
 Making money –to grab each and every opportunity presented to make mula.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 9:05 am 
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Welcome to RN KSiyaz05,

Responses to this supplement exercise can be put in your healing/recovery thread. If you have yet to create one, instructions can be found here, the the Welcome Centre: http://www.recoverynation.com/partnersb ... m.php?f=80

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:02 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

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Copied over from "Suggestions/Resources" in the Member's Corner. It fits here (left it there, too).

safeandsound wrote:
The link below deals with the idea of "Living Your Values" and why it has importance. It is a step by step guide to understanding and utilizing this understanding to harness the usefulness of developing and living your values.

I have come to believe that this is a cornerstone to healing for the person in recovery, the partners, and couples alike.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/li ... lues-1.htm

Happy Healing :w:

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:51 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3815
Location: UK
thanks
Coach Mel
I hope all members benefit from your advice

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2015 1:09 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:26 pm
Posts: 189
Thanks coach Mel, this could not have come at a better time. I just posted in the community forum the other day about making value based decisions and this article really hones in on the intricacies. I am truly enriched :g:

_________________
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.


Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.


Carl Jung


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 10:15 pm 
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Posts: 31
Thanks Sir,

Its very helphul :g:


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