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PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2021 2:59 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
LESSON FIFTY-EIGHT
Define five rituals that I will most likely face in the next two years
Possible situations:
* Family gatherings
* Walking on the beach
* Going out to dinner with family
* Giving my wife a massage
* Taking a shower
Situation #1
Family gathering where everyone is speaking Spanish, which I don't understand
Awareness of ritual
I start watching what the women are wearing and doing.
Action I will take
I will talk to the men that speak English or go out side for a break
Emotions
boredom, excitement, frustration, guilt, shame
Mind games
Watching the women gives me something to do until we go home, my wife won't catch me
Situation #2
Walking on the beach with my wife
Awareness of a ritual
Wanting to look at women lying on the sand
Action I will take
I will walk away from the sand toward the water and share with my wife why I am doing it
Emotions I expect to feel
anticipation and excitement for what I would feel if I look and frustration and then pride for not looking
Mind Games
My wife wont catch me and all men do it so it is alright
Situation #3
Going out to dinner at a restaurant with family members that speak Spanish when they get together
Awareness of a Ritual
I start watching waitresses and women walking around my table
Action I will take
I will tell my life I need to leave and she can get a ride with one of our adult children
Emotions
anticipation, excitement
Mind game
All men watch women and my wife won't catch me
Situation #4
Massaging my wife as she falls asleep
Awareness of ritual
I try to stimulate my wife while she is asleep which arouses me
Action I will take
I will stop massaging my wife
Emotions
Excitement and I want to masturbate
Mind Games
she is asleep and won't know what I did. Also she is my wife and it is just a form of intimacy
Situation
I am taking a shower and my wife is taking a bath next to the shower
Awareness of a ritual
I see my wife in the tub laying on her back and I want to masturbate
Action I will take
I will take a shower when she is not taking a bath
Emotions
excitement, anticipation
Mind games
she dosn't know I am watching her and getting excited


Last edited by Recovery on Wed Jan 27, 2021 4:01 pm, edited 8 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:32 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: UK
Hello R
at the end of last year you posted

Quote:
So I told her the truth and the following consequences happened.
* she said I wasn't being faithful to her
* she said I made this decision to look at this because I had not worked on RN for the last few
months
* she said she lost trust in me for betraying her
c. I had to admit that she was right in everything she said


I hope that in the interim you have reflected and analysed this and have formulated a strategy to make ammends?

Trust is hard won and easily lost
your wife has been supportive please do reciprocate
recover my friend for both of your sakes

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2021 4:14 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
LESSON FIFTY-NINE
Evolving Action Plans
3 Situations related to the Anger:
Situation#1
* My wife asks me to do something and I don't do it right away because I want to finish something I am in the middle of and I want to finish first
Situation #2
* I am very tired and I tell her I will do it after I rest
Situation #3
* My wife starts putting me down and starts calling me names and bringing something up I did over 30years ago
Ritual
I raise my voice to make a point because she isn't listening
She starts labeling me and I get angry
Action
I tell my wife I need a 5 minute break to calm down before I respond
Mind Games
I feel I am right and I feel I have the right to tell her so


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2021 3:09 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
LESSON # 60
Preventing Slips and Relapse


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