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 Post subject: Lesson 1
PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:32 am 
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Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:23 am
Posts: 5
A Three Keys for a change foundation and me
1. Active commitment - I have been avoiding lesson 1 (and the whole program) to be honest, commitment has not been and is not one of my strong suits I now see, in regard to relationships at least; although I seem to have no trouble in this regard as to work. However, after over 12 months of sporadic conventional counselling, one furtive 12 steps program meeting and much reading and research I have come to the view that this RN program is probably the only approach that has a chance of working for me. So the fact that I didn't want to start if I did not think I could finish it, that I do not want to keep doing the same things over and over for the last 1/3 of my life and that I've now actually started, to me means commitment.
2. Guilt/shame barriers - to be honest I do not believe I have felt (and maybe still do not yet have) enough guilt or shame about my behaviour. The disconnected and nomadic life I have lead since finishing high school and leaving home has allowed me to easily move on and walk away from the collateral damage my behaviour has caused. I have been able to avoid facing the music and also been very adept at blaming external factors and other people who I see as having hurt me, maybe I should have been a politician?! However, I am now married to an angelic woman who is so loyal and has never hurt me; I cannot blame shift anything to her. To make matters 'worse', she decided not too long after outing my addiction that she would not leave me but work with me to try and belatedly make me the person she tought she was marrying and achieve the relationship we should have had but never did. The shame and guilt are now growing at a concious level but what is growing more, is the awareness that my issues seem to have started so long ago and that associated shame and guilt have been so successfully suppressed and falsely excused for all that time; maybe from the age of 11 or 12 or even earlier (if I could remember anything).
3. Time to change - it would be easy to say I have already had too much time! However, my wife, while certainly cracking the whip to get me started (she is on lesson 9 of her partners program already and she was the one that found RN for me) and keep me going, I feel will give me enough time provided I put in the time and effort. Current business and life circumstances are time bandits so I know I have to make a special effort to keep enough momentum going with the lessons to demonstrate enough progress to maintain her support and hope.
To follow - 10 reasons for change and how much of that innocent little guy in the 1950s photo is left in me?


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