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 Post subject: michgem63 recovery
PostPosted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 8:11 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 8:35 pm
Posts: 3
Location: Michigan
I would have to start at the beginning, because that is the root of the addiction. At the ages of 10 to 12 I was sexually molested by two of my step dads nephews. At that age and time family did not want to hear about those issues.
through high school and on I used masturbation and porn as a release. It is looking back deeper, most of the time was when I was depressed or angry.
I had a good just not great intimacy with my wife, but over time of getting into more and worse porn and self orgasm, our intimacy has been less.
Over the past two months I have committed fully to recovering from both porn and masturbation. I have not been on a porn site for over a 3 weeks, was at least once daily. We have been more intimate but my performance is not good. I used to many other things of arousal and now I pay the price for it.
I am using RN, two other groups and counseling. I feel better in my heart all ready. I know this is only the beginning and I have a battle ahead. I am willing to fight like I have never fought before. I am setting for a goal of not only being totally my wifes for what we need together but I am working on becoming spiritually committed.

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Starting a new way of being myself.
RAJ


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 Post subject: Re: michgem63 recovery
PostPosted: Mon Dec 29, 2014 2:11 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:56 am
Posts: 849
Location: Sweden
Hi Mich

Hi

Welcome to RN. You're in a great place to lay the foundation for your recovery process and the rest of your life. RN is a vehicle or a roadmap, it will not provide the recovery that you want but it will help and guide you, but the vehicle needs an engine and that of course is you

If you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that desire reality. Open yourself up to the possibility to change, commit to recovery fully and completely.

Work through the lessons and understand them, if you miss or have difficulty understanding something ask on the help forum, assistance is always on hand. Try to participate on a daily basis on the community forum. Just reading other posts and writing will help your thought process. Take the chance to read your fellow recoverers' recovery threads. Odds are they're having the exact same struggles and problems as you and seeing things from another perspective can be a real eye-opener

Coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

The path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone. We usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading. Get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness. Besides the workshop, branch out into other sources of information like books, internet articles, etc. Remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination (including me). The faster you accept that recovery is something that won't happen overnight, the better of you will be. There are no quick fixes.

Here at RN we see addiction as something we addicts have used because welack of something else and that it is only when we replace addiction with the growth of our values that we can leave healthy lives. Abstinence is great and necessary for us to heal, but we also need to look at our lives and find our reward somewhere else, somewhere healthy.

I also understand where you come from with your fight metaphor and I commend you for your dedication but two things: That dedication will wane, where will you be then? Ask yourself this, don't answer me, and use whatever answer you get to help yourself in the future. Secondly, to use words such as battle and fight is erronous in this context. The addiction is sprung from patterns of how you handle emotional imbalances in your life and to fight these urges, would be fighting yourself. It is you who are having urges, not someone else. You can't win that battle. My advice to you is to embrace yourself instead, with weaknesses and everything.

All the best! :g:


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 Post subject: Re: michgem63 recovery
PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 9:53 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 8:35 pm
Posts: 3
Location: Michigan
My Ideal Self, I am energized by my faith. I have walked away from what gave me strength, I am committed to gaining the energy back. I have been about two months rebuilding faith with TTB. I have learned a lot about what I have overlooked.

I have a few good natural talents. Many say I am happy go lucky and easy to get along with. I strive to not judge others because I do not know the entire picture of their lives. I am using my finishing wood work skills at my church and have to commit to attending church more often.

I would like to have more of a intimate relation with my wife. My porn and masturbation and the lack of confidence in myself are part of the blame. I have never had a lot of self confidence with intimacy. I know part of that is from what "K" stole from me when I was a young boy.

I would like less of the doubt and fear in who I am with my wife. I want no more Porn and no more masturbation.

I don't know who I would like to be like. I have never had many to follow.

Personal qualities and characteristics I like and want in my life are Faith and Wisdom in Christ, true and complete love with my wife, friendship understanding with those around me and those at work. I want to be a stronger listener, a shoulder to those who need it. I want more compassion, less temper. I want more confidence in who I am and control over who I am to others.

_________________
Starting a new way of being myself.
RAJ


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 Post subject: Re: michgem63 recovery
PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 6:30 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3893
Location: UK
hello mich
Quote:
I don't know who I would like to be like. I have never had many to follow.

you should aim to be the best YOU that you can aspire to be
the recovered Mich would be a much better person to be than the addicted Mich
I am assuming that you believe that this is lifes vision done
well IMO it is not!
Your choice but if I were you I would re do the vision after reading coach Mels how to which can be found at
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=18746

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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