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PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 2:26 am 

Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 4:56 pm
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Before I start with my exercise work, I'd just like to note something that I noticed myself doing while reading all of the material up to this point. I practice yoga and one part of that practice is specific breathing exercises in which I elongate my inhales and exhales as much as possible. Typically, I perform these exercises at the beginning and end of my practice sessions while laying on my back and with my legs bent at the knees. At the beginning of practice, it’s purpose is to tune my mind out from external distractions as well as warm up my lungs for the deep breathing required during yoga practice. When it’s done at the end of practice, it serves to allow myself to reflect on my practice and all of the benefits my practice may have brought to me. While reading through the material, I find myself naturally elongating my breathing as I would during my yoga practice. I’d like to take this as a good sign and I hope it indicates that everything I’m reading is resonating within me and taking a deeper hold. I’ll continue to monitor this observation as I continue through my recovery.

Lesson 1

Exercise A)
1) I have been passively trying and failing to overcome my addiction for nearly 3 years now. I say passively because I am only now able to see how flawed every single one of my previous attempts at recovery was with regards to my motivation for change. 3 years ago was the first time I began to recognize myself as having an addiction, and since then I have only gradually grown to see how much an effect my problem has had throughout my life. I used to only think that my habit had become an addiction within the last several years, but the more I deeply reflect on it, the more I’m able to now see that I’ve had a problem for much longer than that. I’m beginning to understand how much my problem has warped my view of the world that surrounds me and that much of what I’ve learned throughout much of my life has been tainted by that view. I no longer want to live in that reality. I’ve been living that reality for much of my life up to this point and I know from personal experience how truly sad and unhappy it is living in such a way. I want to truly get to know myself and learn about how beautiful of a place the world can be instead of seeing it through the dark and twisted lenses I’ve been looking through for so long. I’ve already learned that my life is going to change no matter what I do. This is me firmly choosing to make all of that change positive from this moment onward.
2) I can say with definition that I’ve been ashamed of my my previous actions but I accept that there is nothing I can change about what I’ve already done, but that I can most definitely change what I will do from now on. I’m done being ashamed of myself. I know everything that I’ve done in my life and while I know that some of it is shameful, I also know that it’s all lead me down the path to this recovery. Due to that, I have no choice but to own up to everything I’ve done and stand up as a better person.
3) I already know that serious, positive change takes time. I’ve been “trying” to get better for nearly 3 years and failed miserably at it. I don’t care if it takes me 3 months or 3 years, I know that I can change myself for the better, so I’ll walk this recovery path for as long as it takes me to reach its end.

Exercise B)
I want my life to have a purpose beyond numbly scraping by.
I want to truly love myself.
I want to have deeper connections with those surrounding me in life.
I want to truly fall in love with another person.
I want to feel a sense of accomplishment in the work I do.
I want to get to know my family.
I want to stop vainly comparing myself to others.
I want to appreciate the people around me instead of viewing them maliciously.
I want to be free of the constant weight I feel on my shoulders.
I want to be proud of who I am.

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