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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 5:06 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 15 response:

I. Take a minute to review what you have learned over the past two weeks. Of what you have learned so far, think of one example of how you have actively integrated that information into your day-to-day life.

- importance of being honest
- a better understanding of my behaviour
- my unhealthy and healthy recovery patterns
- health monitoring
- decisions that I have to make for my recovery


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 5:33 pm 
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lesson 16 response:

I. Consider the POSITIVE role that addiction has played in your life. What purposes has it served (think short-term, not long)?

short-term:
- helps me to calm down when I'm feeling restless/anxious
- I don't have to deal with the opinions or judged by others
- helps me to go to sleep
- gives me pleasure when I'm feeling low
- gives me relief from the emotional stress

long-term: None


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 5:45 pm 
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lesson 17 response:

I. Consider a particular compulsive ritual that you have engaged in. Identify the elements of this ritual and post them in your recovery thread. It is important that you understand the principles involved in identifying the stimulating elements of compulsive rituals...so if you are not comfortable with this concept, ask questions! Also, recognize that the elements listed above are not the only elements associated with compulsive behavior. And so, you will want to identify those elements that are specifically related to YOUR compulsive behavior.

masturbating to porn:- sensory,accomplishment,orgasm,past,curiosity


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 7:23 pm 
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lesson 18 response:

masturbating to porn:

Time:
- finding the perfect video
- searching for the pornstars
- timing my orgasm at the same moment as in porn

Intensity:
-learned different techniques for masturbating
-doing things that are told in the videos

Habituation:
- watching different categories of porn when bored
- finding a different pornstar to masturbate to


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 6:50 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 19 response:

1) healthy decision:
situation: tried to masturbate last night to porn
possible triggers: saw a couple kissing, friends went to a party
emotions involved: loneliness ( as I don't have anyone), anxious, fear ( afraid that I may not be in a relationship with someone)
decision made: didn't masturbate because that not what I want to become.

2) unhealthy decision:
situation: watching tv( previously I decided not to watch because its distracting)
emotions involved: restless/anxious as I don't know what else to do
decision made: watched tv as I was unable to sleep.

3)healthy decision:
situation: Applying for internship ( I stopped applying as my last interview didn't go well)
emotions involved: afraid ( i may not get it), hesitant( I don't want to be rejected again)
decision made: Started applying as I want to have a better career.

4) unhealthy decision:
situation: waking up in the morning to study
emotions involved: laziness
decision made: decided to sleep.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 7:19 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 20 response:

1) Examine your addiction and the role(s) that it has played in your life to date. Look across your life span and identify the progression of the addiction, the sustainment of it, the absence of it and/or the stifling of it. Look at the major transitions that you have experienced (childhood to prepubescent teen; prepubescent teen through teenager; teenager through young adulthood; young adulthood through adulthood; explore also any major traumas that you have endured (parental divorce, sexual abuse, moving to a new school or neighborhood, etc.) and identify the role that addiction (or the rituals that eventually developed into an addiction) played in helping you through that time period.

Your goal is to develop a fluid understanding of just how these patterns progressed from early sparks (harmless fantasy, etc.) to an eventual wildfire (e.g. addiction).


Age: 1- 12
My behaviour started by watching naked people whenever I get a chance and also looking at the pictures in the magazines. during most of the time, I used to fantasize about being intimate with other women(never fantasised about sex)

Age: 12- 18
my behaviour progressed from looking at pictures to watching videos( only kissing, never watched sex videos during this time). my fantasies about being intimate continued during this period.

Age: 19- 23
during this period my behaviour progressed to watching porn, sexting, masturbating. I masturbated first to erotic audios at 20 and it slowly progressed to masturbating to porn videos.since then I have been using it to manage my emotions.

during all this time as my behaviour progressed my effort to make healthy changes also increased. I learned more about addiction and joined recovery nation as someone in nofap suggested that it would help (I'm thankful to them)

2) Look to future transitions in your life. Divorce. Death of a partner. Death of your parents. Death of a child. Loss of a job. Retirement. Having another child. Empty-nest syndrome. Consider many different situations that you will possibly face in the remaining years of your life. Situations that could potentially cause major instability to an otherwise balanced, fulfilling life. Explore the role(s) that addiction could play in helping you to manage these times. What would it feel like for addiction to come back into your life? Would it be a rapid collapse or a subtle progression? What signs would you look for? What actions would you take?


considering the above situations I'm sure that I will not be able to manage my life in those times if I don't have enough values to support me. I am not yet confident whether my addiction would return or not. I honestly don't know how to handle these type of situations and that's one of the reasons I joined Recovery nation ( to learn how to handle my emotions)


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 7:29 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 21 response:

A. What large goals have you attempted in your life and failed? Why do you suppose you failed?
PMO addiction
- I have always tried to avoid PMO rather than building new healthy habits.

B. What large goals have you attempted in your life and succeeded? Why do you suppose you were able to succeed?
Got into one of the top universities im the nation
- hard work, one of my strongest value. even though I didn't have much creativity I worked hard to get what I want
- used to have weekly goals
- used to have a daily schedule
- avoided distractions from studies

C. List one recovery goal that you have and break it down into as many smaller, measurable tasks as necessary for you to manage it successfully. If you find this difficult, then you are probably starting off with too general of a recovery goal. Make it specific.

I will complete the recovery workshop by Jan 1 2019. To achieve this I have to finish at least 2 lessons a week.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2018 11:19 am 
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Posts: 45
lesson 22 response:

1. Consider a very simple ritual that you have engaged in.

masturbating to porn

2. Identify three or four elements of that ritual (e.g. physical sensory stimulation; danger; orgasm; accomplishment).

Sensory(visual), Suspense, Sensory(touch), Fantasy, Orgasm, Accomplishment, Relief

3. For each element, assign a relative number for the amount of stimulation you think you derive from this particular element. These numbers are relevant only to you and in relation to other elements that you experience.

1-Accessory Behavior (plays only a minor role in producing stimulation): Fantasy

2-Secondary Behavior (plays an important role in producing stimulation): Suspense, Sensory(touch), Orgasm, Accomplishment

3-Primary Behavior (plays a major role in producing stimulation): Sensory(visual), Relief

4. For each element, consider the effects of each of the three filters on the stimulation derived from that element. Does it increase the stimulation? Decrease the stimulation? Have no effect? Have a mixed effect (as in, sometimes it increases, other times it decreases)?

TIME: When considering the effect of Time on a particular element, the closer an element comes to the threshold of Time, the higher the number that will be assigned.
INTENSITY: Intensity refers to how well you have mastered the techniques involved in performing a specific behaviour
HABITUATION: Habituation is assigned a higher number the further away the specific element is to the saturation point.

Sensory(visual) = 3
Time = 7, I watch porn till it becomes uncomfortable to watch it.
Intensity = 8, I now know which type of porn gives more simulation
Habituation = 8, haven't changed the habit in years

Suspense = 2
Time = 3, has a little effect.
Intensity = 8, I now know how and where to find the videos for more pleasure
Habituation = 8, haven't changed the habit in years

Sensory(touch) = 2
Time = 7, I try to masturbate till it becomes uncomfortable.
Intensity = 6, I now know how to masturbate to experience more pleasure
Habituation = 6, haven't changed the habit in years

Fantasy = 1
Time = 4, little effect.
Intensity = 6, I now know what type of fantasies causes for simulation
Habituation = 4, closer to saturation point

Orgasm = 2
Time = 7, I try to orgasm more than once till it becomes uncomfortable.
Intensity = 6, I now know how to increase the intensity of orgasm
Habituation = 6, haven't changed the habit in years

Accomplishment= 2
Time = 9, I try to orgasm more than once till it becomes uncomfortable.
Intensity = 6, I now know what to do to feel more accomplished
Habituation = 8, haven't changed the habit in years

Relief = 3
Time = 9, I try to masturbate more than once till it becomes uncomfortable.
Intensity = 6, I now know what to do to feel more relaxed
Habituation = 6, haven't changed the habit in years

Sensory(visual): 9.86
Suspense: 5.43
Sensory(touch): 5.43
Fantasy: 2
Orgasm: 5.43
Accomplishment: 3.28
Relief: 9

Overall:40.43


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2018 12:10 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 23 response:

In your recovery thread, share a brief summary of what practical uses the skill of measuring compulsive rituals can have in your recovery.

from the previous lessons data, now I view my behaviour as a complex one (combined of several elements) than a single entity. this might be helpful in breaking the ritual in midway. It helps to recognise the situations where I have to be cautious and it would also be helpful if I have a plan to manage elements(which drives my ritual) by healthy choices.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:25 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3815
Location: UK
Hi
Quote:
I honestly don't know how to handle these type of situations and that's one of the reasons I joined Recovery nation ( to learn how to handle my emotions)


and learning you are and will continue to do :g: :g:
remember to put into practice what you learn and recovery is yours :ex:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 5:18 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 24 response:

I. Create your own Wheel of Sexual Compulsion that is more closely related to your behavior. This can be done by simply listing the cumulative elements involved in your compulsive behavior. This shouldn't take you more than five minutes. List these elements (associated with no particular ritual — but more your addiction in general) in your recovery thread.

Cumulative elements in compulsive behavior:
#1 uncomfortable feelings(stress/sadness/lust/boredom) are experienced (past/fantasy/relief/sensory/Suspense/Accomplishment)
#2 I think of porn and masturbation for relief(relief)
#3 I build up fantasies(fantasy)
#4 I feel the need to calm down (relief)
#5 watch porn and masturbate (sensory, suspense,Accomplishment,relief)
#6 Clean up (shame)
#7 Delete history and videos (shame)
#8 emotional conflict is experienced because of my morals, goals and dreams (emotional conflict)
outcome of ritual: relief- temporary, shame, emotional conflict

Sexual compulsion wheel: elements involved in producing the cumulative high
Stress/Relief
Past
Fantasy
Sensory
Suspense
Accomplishment



II. Choose a real-life example of EVERY major sexual ritual that you engage in (these should be compulsive rituals, not healthy) and break each down into their smallest elements (based on the elements identified in your wheel of sexual compulsion).

Most people will identify two to four such Major Rituals. If you can identify with more than five such rituals, just list the most common five.

To be successful in your transition to health, you will need to master your ability to identify not only these elements, but also to recognize the role that they play in stimulating you. Don't settle for anything less than mastery here


#1 Masturbating after waking up
1) Woke up in the morning & I was feeling horny (past, Sensory, relief).
2) I wanted to experience pleasure (sensory, Accomplishment, orgasm).
3) Went to the restroom because I don’t want anyone to find out(shame).
4) searched for stimulating audio porn and selected one (sensory(audio), Suspense, accomplishment).
5) Started stimulating myself while listening to porn(sensory(audio), sensory(touch), orgasm).
6) I felt relief after orgasm (relief, accomplishment).
7) cleaned up myself and went to work. (emotional conflict)

#2 Masturbating to sleep
1) I was unable to sleep, I thought masturbating would help in relieving the stress (relief).
2) stayed up late till everyone went to sleep(shame).
3) searched for stimulating voice and different categories in audio porn (sensory-audio, suspense).
4) selected one audio and started stimulating myself while listening to it (Accomplishment, sensory(touch), sensory(audio)).
5) I felt relieved and accomplished when I orgasmed at the same time as in audio(orgasm, accomplishment, relief).
6) Cleaned up myself and went to sleep(emotional conflict).

#3 watching porn and masturbating whenever uncomfortable feelings are experienced
1) Saw many couples at the university, I felt lonely and sad (past).
2) I wanted to experience pleasure and be happy (sensory, Accomplishment, orgasm).
3) stayed up late till everyone went to sleep(shame).
4) I began to search for the videos of my fav pornstars. I searched different categories of porn which would make the ritual more stimulating. (sensory-visual, suspense)
5) I downloaded the videos and began stimulating myself while watching porn (Accomplishment, sensory-visual, sensory-touch).
6) I orgasmed at the same time as in the videos which made me feel happy and accomplished. (orgasm, accomplishment)
7) After that I watched anime for 30 to 40 min and repeated the process again. The second time the need to orgasm increased(relief,orgasm).
8) after the ritual I deleted the videos and history and went to sleep. (emotional conflict)


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 7:04 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 25 response:

I. Develop your own compulsive ritual. Make this relatively simple. List the primary elements in a similar fashion as exampled above in Compulsive Ritual: Exhibitionism. Post this ritual and its elements in your recovery thread.

compulsive behavior: Masturbating to porn
#1 uncomfortable feelings(stress/sadness/lust/boredom) are experienced (past/fantasy/relief/sensory/Suspense/Accomplishment)
#2 I think of porn and masturbation for relief(relief)
#3 I build up fantasies(fantasy)
#4 I feel the need to calm down (relief)
#5 watch porn and masturbate (sensory, suspense,Accomplishment,relief)
#6 Clean up (shame)
#7 Delete history and videos (shame)
#8 emotional conflict is experienced because of my morals, goals and dreams (emotional conflict)

outcome of ritual: relief- temporary, shame, emotional conflict

Sexual compulsion wheel: elements involved in producing the cumulative high
Stress/Relief
Past
Fantasy
Sensory
Suspense
Accomplishment


The Beginning of the Ritual: experiencing uncomfortable feelings
The Point of No Return (PoNR): when I feel I'm close to orgasm
The End of the Ritual: Clean up (shame), Delete history and videos (shame), emotional conflict is experienced because of my morals, goals and dreams (emotional conflict)


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2018 1:27 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 26 response:

In the previous exercise, you were asked to label the elements involved with a particular ritual. In this exercise, you will be delving deeper into your awareness of that ritual. Here, you are asked to 'map out' one of your rituals. Make sure that you choose a specific ritual that you have engaged in (as in, last Thursday before work, I looked at porn); rather than a general compulsive behavior (as in, in the past, I looked at porn).

The main difference between what you did in the previous exercise and this is that you are no longer listing the elements of the ritual. Instead, you are listing the behavior associated with that element. For example, in the past exercise, it was sufficient to label a voyeuristic ritual with the element 'sensory stimulation — visual'. No longer. From this point forward, all rituals should be identified in terms of the specific thoughts/behaviors associated with the elements. And so, today, your 'element' will read something like this: "I would focus my eyes on her and inconspicuously follow her around the store."

Post this more advanced ritual in your recovery thread.


specific compulsive behavior: Masturbating to porn

#1 uncomfortable feelings(stress/sadness/lust/boredom) are experienced (past/fantasy/relief/sensory/Suspense/Accomplishment)
As I'm about to graduate I was applying for jobs. when compared to others I have higher grades and experience but I was not making any progress. I was sad and confused about my future.

#2 I think of porn and masturbation for relief(relief)
I didn't want to experience those emotions.I knew that if I watch porn and masturbate I would feel calm.the thought of watching porn made me curious and i was not paying attention to the uncomfortable feelings anymore.


#3 I build up fantasies(fantasy)
I began to build up fantasies about my fav pornstars or being intimate with someone which made me feel calm.

#4 I feel the need to calm down (relief)
I controlled my self for some time as I didn't want to relapse but I became more restless( I started browsing the videos and then closing it, I was going back and forth). fantasies and restlessness increased and I felt the need to calm down.


#5 watch porn and masturbate (sensory, suspense, Accomplishment, relief)
then I decided I will watch porn and masturbate. I started browsing the videos of my fav pornstars (visually appealing) one by one. I searched for the videos where I can look into her eyes and orgasm( which I feel to be more stimulating). I felt happy when I found the video of a pornstar( and felt irritated when I didn't find a video of another pornstar). downloaded the videos and started masturbating by looking into the eyes of pornstar( i would focus on expressions she does, her enthusiasm, her physique).

thoughts about controlling emotions came to my mind but I didn't pay any attention to them.my mind began to make excuses like 'it's okay as I don't know any other way to deal with these emotions. I didn't develop my values to a point that I can stop these'.

I continued to masturbate and after reaching orgasm I felt relief and accomplished. I took rest for 10-15 min and repeated the process again.

#6 Clean up (shame)

#7 Delete history and videos (shame)
removed everything from my laptop so that no one will ever find it out

#8 emotional conflict is experienced because of my morals, goals and dreams (emotional conflict)
after the ritual, there was an emotional conflict in my mind. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I know that there will be consequences but I was unable to register it emotionally.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2018 4:32 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 27 response:

Provide an example of two compulsive chains in your life. The first chain should be where multiple rituals are engaged in simultaneously — thus enhancing the overall amount of stimulation derived from the behavior. The second should be an example of how you have strung together several rituals back-to-back and thus, extended the stimulation you were deriving. Post these examples in your recovery thread.

first chain: multiple rituals that I use to manage my emotions
1) watching porn and masturbating
2) Watching anime

second chain: an example of how you have strung togethe
1)to extend the amount of stimulation derived, first I will masturbate to orgasm then I will watch anime for 30 to 60 min. after that, I will go back to masturbation again and repeat the process until I feel exhausted.
2) sometimes I will edge myself and when I feel I'm close to orgasm I will stop myself and watch anime for 15-30 min.then I will go back to the masturbation.i will repeat this process until I cannot control myself.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2018 9:06 pm 
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Posts: 45
lesson 28 response:

1. Develop a compulsive chain of your most recent acting out behavior.

most recent acting out behaviour: lesson 26 response

#1 uncomfortable feelings(stress/sadness/lust/boredom) are experienced (past/fantasy/relief/sensory/Suspense/Accomplishment)
As I'm about to graduate I was applying for jobs. when compared to others I have higher grades and experience but I was not making any progress. I was sad and confused about my future.

#2 I think of porn and masturbation for relief(relief)
I didn't want to experience those emotions.I knew that if I watch porn and masturbate I would feel calm.the thought of watching porn made me curious and i was not paying attention to the uncomfortable feelings anymore.


#3 I build up fantasies(fantasy)
I began to build up fantasies about my fav pornstars or being intimate with someone which made me feel calm.

#4 I feel the need to calm down (relief)
I controlled my self for some time as I didn't want to relapse but I became more restless( I started browsing the videos and then closing it, I was going back and forth). fantasies and restlessness increased and I felt the need to calm down.


#5 watch porn and masturbate (sensory, suspense, Accomplishment, relief)
then I decided I will watch porn and masturbate. I started browsing the videos of my fav pornstars (visually appealing) one by one. I searched for the videos where I can look into her eyes and orgasm( which I feel to be more stimulating). I felt happy when I found the video of a pornstar( and felt irritated when I didn't find a video of another pornstar). downloaded the videos and started masturbating by looking into the eyes of pornstar( i would focus on expressions she does, her enthusiasm, her physique).

thoughts about controlling emotions came to my mind but I didn't pay any attention to them.my mind began to make excuses like 'it's okay as I don't know any other way to deal with these emotions. I didn't develop my values to a point that I can stop these'.

I continued to masturbate and after reaching orgasm I felt relief and accomplished. I watched anime for some time and repeated the process again.

#6 Clean up (shame)

#7 Delete history and videos (shame)
removed everything from my laptop so that no one will ever find it out

#8 emotional conflict is experienced because of my morals, goals and dreams (emotional conflict)
after the ritual, there was an emotional conflict in my mind. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I know that there will be consequences but I was unable to register it emotionally.

2. Upon completion of this chain, review it to ensure that you can recognize the way that each element affected your emotional state.

#1 uncomfortable feelings(stress/sadness/lust/boredom) are experienced (past/fantasy/relief/sensory/Suspense/Accomplishment)
Stress,Sadness

#2 I think of porn and masturbation for relief(relief)
stress,boredom,sadness-->curiocity/suspense

#3 I build up fantasies(fantasy)
restlessness,stress-->calm

#4 I feel the need to calm down (relief)
increase in restlessness

#5 watch porn and masturbate (sensory, suspense, Accomplishment, relief)
stress, boredom,sadness,restlessness--->sensory(touch& visual), suspense, Accomplishment, relief

#6 Clean up (shame)

#7 Delete history and videos (shame)

#8 emotional conflict is experienced because of my morals, goals and dreams (emotional conflict)

result: temporary relief from the uncomfortable feelings

3. Thinking as an addict, look for areas within this chain where you could add additional destructive elements that would have (most likely) increased the overall stimulation of the event. The actual events that you add should be realistic, and related to the chain itself. For instance, someone viewing porn might add the element of setting up a Power Point slide show of the images. Someone engaging in escort services might add the element of videotaping the encounters. Share these in your recovery thread.

possible destructive elements
past: none
fantasy: none
relief: comfortable place (alone in the apartment)
sensory: visual& audio- a big screen, new headset, high-quality video
touch- better lubricants
Suspense: regular checking and following of top models in porn
Accomplishment:none


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