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Ragingbull's recovery thread
http://recoverynation.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=25029
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Author:  Ragingbull [ Tue Apr 30, 2019 5:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Monitoring plan - Day 10 28/04/19

Mind
* Have I visited the forum and read my story to remind me how far I've gone? No
* Did I feel anxious? No
* If so, did I reflect on it?
* If it was overwhelming, did I meditate to calm down?
* Was my reaction rational?
* Was I upset today? No
* If so, did I share this with anyone?
* Did I comfron the person in a diplomatic way?
* If not, did I let go?
* Did I tell the truth? Yes
* If not, was it to protect yourself?
* Did I read or listen to my audio book? Yes
* Have I given in to my addiction? No
Connections
* Did I contact my daughter? Yes
* Did I give her 100% of my attention? Yes
* Did I ask about her day? Yes
* Did I talk to my ex? Yes
* Was it a positive outcome? Yes
* Did I contact one of my friends? Yes
* Have I complemented my partner? Yes
* Have I asked her about her day? Yes
* Did I remain honest to her? Yes
* Did I ignore anyone because I didn't want to talk? No

Body
* Did I eat at least 2 clean meals? No. Cheat day
* Did I do 30 min of activities? No
* If not was it a rest day? Yes
* Have I put myself in danger? No

Living
* Have I checked my balance? Yes
* Did I indulge? No
* How will I prevent it next time?
* Is the house clean? Yes

Author:  Ragingbull [ Tue Apr 30, 2019 5:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Monitoring plan - Day 11 29/04/19

Mind
* Have I visited the forum and read my story to remind me how far I've gone? No
* Did I feel anxious? No
* If so, did I reflect on it?
* If it was overwhelming, did I meditate to calm down?
* Was my reaction rational?
* Was I upset today? No
* If so, did I share this with anyone?
* Did I comfron the person in a diplomatic way?
* If not, did I let go?
* Did I tell the truth? Yes
* If not, was it to protect yourself?
* Did I read or listen to my audio book? Yes
* Have I given in to my addiction? No
Connections
* Did I contact my daughter? Yes
* Did I give her 100% of my attention? Yes
* Did I ask about her day? Yes
* Did I talk to my ex? Yes
* Was it a positive outcome? Yes
* Did I contact one of my friends? Yes
* Have I complemented my partner? Yes
* Have I asked her about her day? Yes
* Did I remain honest to her? Yes
* Did I ignore anyone because I didn't want to talk? No

Body
* Did I eat at least 2 clean meals? Yes
* Did I do 30 min of activities? Yes
* If not was it a rest day?
* Have I put myself in danger? No

Living
* Have I checked my balance? Yes
* Did I indulge? No
* How will I prevent it next time?
* Is the house clean? Yes

Author:  Ragingbull [ Tue Apr 30, 2019 5:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Monitoring plan - Day 12 30/04/19

Mind
* Have I visited the forum and read my story to remind me how far I've gone? Yes
* Did I feel anxious? No
* If so, did I reflect on it?
* If it was overwhelming, did I meditate to calm down?
* Was my reaction rational?
* Was I upset today? No
* If so, did I share this with anyone?
* Did I comfron the person in a diplomatic way?
* If not, did I let go?
* Did I tell the truth? Yes
* If not, was it to protect yourself?
* Did I read or listen to my audio book? Yes
* Have I given in to my addiction? No
Connections
* Did I contact my daughter? Yes
* Did I give her 100% of my attention? Yes
* Did I ask about her day? Yes
* Did I talk to my ex? Yes
* Was it a positive outcome? Yes
* Did I contact one of my friends? Yes
* Have I complemented my partner? Yes
* Have I asked her about her day? Yes
* Did I remain honest to her? Yes
* Did I ignore anyone because I didn't want to talk? No

Body
* Did I eat at least 2 clean meals? Yes
* Did I do 30 min of activities? Yes
* If not was it a rest day?
* Have I put myself in danger? No

Living
* Have I checked my balance? Yes
* Did I indulge? No
* How will I prevent it next time?
* Is the house clean? Yes

Author:  Ragingbull [ Tue Apr 30, 2019 6:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Lesson 20

0-6 no addiction
6 - I had suffered from sexual abuse which had made me aware of sex, lost my innocence and became aware of being alone.
6-11 - masturbation every night. Seen as pleasurable and the use of fantasy.
11 - I was introduced to porn by a friend.
11-17 - using porn to heighten my pleasure. This wasn't out of negative feelings.
18 - I had my first sexual experience with a partner. I was emotionally closed off. Causing relationship problems.
18 - 21 - I had used porn to deal with boredom. But after a traumatic event it became a way to not think of the guilt I had. It became consuming of time and loss focus on work. This was my addiction to porn.
21 - relationship with my first serious relationship. Porn addiction disappeared. My focus was on her.
21- 26 - Financial issues arise. Issues with impulse buying. To deal with the stress of finances I returned to porn. But grew to phone sex, cam sites etc.
26 - began to seek encounters and cheated on my partner. This had snapped me out. Got control. But hid everything.
27 to 28 - Got engaged and the stress of wedding caused my porn addiction to return.
28 to 30- marriage was tough. Relationship began to break.
30 - Birth of my daughter. The stress caused me to hit depression and seek encounters.
30- 33 - I cheated again. However with the depression and the guilt. It triggered more anxieties and continue to seek encounters.
34 - found out. I told the truth and realised my addiction and the impact it caused.
34- now - Focussed on living by my values of being honest, staying strong and being a great father, friend and partner

Future
Divorce - the financial strain and conflict can result me in using porn again to self medicate. However, I'm in the process of this and I haven't resorted to this.
Future relationship - the guilt of my past can cause anxieties.
Birth of a child - remembering how my last marriage went, this can be a trigger for addiction. Maybe depression.

Author:  Ragingbull [ Thu May 02, 2019 6:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Monitoring plan - Day 13 01/05/19

Mind
* Have I visited the forum and read my story to remind me how far I've gone? No
* Did I feel anxious? No
* If so, did I reflect on it?
* If it was overwhelming, did I meditate to calm down?
* Was my reaction rational?
* Was I upset today? No
* If so, did I share this with anyone?
* Did I comfron the person in a diplomatic way?
* If not, did I let go?
* Did I tell the truth? Yes
* If not, was it to protect yourself?
* Did I read or listen to my audio book? Yes
* Have I given in to my addiction? No
Connections
* Did I contact my daughter? Yes
* Did I give her 100% of my attention? Yes
* Did I ask about her day? Yes
* Did I talk to my ex? Yes
* Was it a positive outcome? Yes
* Did I contact one of my friends? Yes
* Have I complemented my partner? Yes
* Have I asked her about her day? Yes
* Did I remain honest to her? Yes
* Did I ignore anyone because I didn't want to talk? No

Body
* Did I eat at least 2 clean meals? Yes
* Did I do 30 min of activities? Yes
* If not was it a rest day?
* Have I put myself in danger? No

Living
* Have I checked my balance? Yes
* Did I indulge? No
* How will I prevent it next time?
* Is the house clean? Yes

Author:  Ragingbull [ Thu May 02, 2019 6:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Monitoring plan - Day 14 02/05/19

Mind
* Have I visited the forum and read my story to remind me how far I've gone? Yes
* Did I feel anxious? No
* If so, did I reflect on it?
* If it was overwhelming, did I meditate to calm down?
* Was my reaction rational?
* Was I upset today? No
* If so, did I share this with anyone?
* Did I comfron the person in a diplomatic way?
* If not, did I let go?
* Did I tell the truth? Yes
* If not, was it to protect yourself?
* Did I read or listen to my audio book? Yes
* Have I given in to my addiction? No
Connections
* Did I contact my daughter? Yes
* Did I give her 100% of my attention? Yes
* Did I ask about her day? Yes
* Did I talk to my ex? Yes
* Was it a positive outcome? Yes
* Did I contact one of my friends? Yes
* Have I complemented my partner? Yes
* Have I asked her about her day? Yes
* Did I remain honest to her? Yes
* Did I ignore anyone because I didn't want to talk? No

Body
* Did I eat at least 2 clean meals? Yes
* Did I do 30 min of activities? Yes
* If not was it a rest day?
* Have I put myself in danger? No

Living
* Have I checked my balance? Yes
* Did I indulge? No
* How will I prevent it next time?
* Is the house clean? Yes

Author:  Ragingbull [ Thu May 02, 2019 6:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Lesson 21

Goal I failed in:
To be in my fittest form ever.

I failed because I never saw results immediately. Setbacks were taken harshly and I began to go back to my old ways. I didn't reflect on the deeper emotions driving my bad decisions. I failed many times.

Goal I succeeded. To be active.
I started with small steps. Be active once a week. Then twice. Now I'm active twice a day. I push myself a little more each time. Lifting heavier weights, adding more minutes, working on more challenging activity. I learnt t the basics to understand the fundamental.

My result was now being in the fittest form of my life. But my goals was to have a system in place and have good habbits.

Goal: Be faithful to my partner for a whole year.

* To deal with anxieties by talking openly to her or close friends.
* To monitor my triggers and coping mechanisms daily to spot early relapses
* To write down why I appreciate her everyday and remind myself that why I'm with her.
* To give her my full attention to her when I am with her.
* To openly resolve issues and disagreement to accept our differences and move on happy.
* When I am alone, to think of her and the positive she gave me.
* After sex to be intimate with eachother.
* To complement her openly every day.
* bud a Health monitor based on my relationship to track my good habbits and bad ones.

Author:  Kenzo [ Fri May 03, 2019 5:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Hello Bull
a cryptic comment on your last post, perhaps reflect, if not then simply reject,

Quote:
Goal: Be faithful to my partner for a whole year.

* To deal with anxieties by talking openly to her or close friends.
* To monitor my triggers and coping mechanisms daily to spot early relapses
* To write down why I appreciate her everyday and remind myself that why I'm with her.
* To give her my full attention to her when I am with her.
* To openly resolve issues and disagreement to accept our differences and move on happy.
* When I am alone, to think of her and the positive she gave me.
* After sex to be intimate with eachother.
* To complement her openly every day.
* bud a Health monitor based on my relationship to track my good habbits and bad ones.


I appreciate that every journey starts with that first step, but putting a timeline on faithfulness does not come over as a life time change, begs the question and I am sure you did not mean it this way, but what next?

also perhaps consider be intimate before , during and after sex with instead of sex being at the forefront
as said, me simply thinking out loud,

Author:  Ragingbull [ Tue May 07, 2019 4:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Ragingbull's recovery thread

Kenzo wrote:
Hello Bull
a cryptic comment on your last post, perhaps reflect, if not then simply reject,

Quote:
Goal: Be faithful to my partner for a whole year.

* To deal with anxieties by talking openly to her or close friends.
* To monitor my triggers and coping mechanisms daily to spot early relapses
* To write down why I appreciate her everyday and remind myself that why I'm with her.
* To give her my full attention to her when I am with her.
* To openly resolve issues and disagreement to accept our differences and move on happy.
* When I am alone, to think of her and the positive she gave me.
* After sex to be intimate with eachother.
* To complement her openly every day.
* bud a Health monitor based on my relationship to track my good habbits and bad ones.


I appreciate that every journey starts with that first step, but putting a timeline on faithfulness does not come over as a life time change, begs the question and I am sure you did not mean it this way, but what next?

also perhaps consider be intimate before , during and after sex with instead of sex being at the forefront
as said, me simply thinking out loud,


Goal: to have a lasting loving relationship
- show affection everyday
- remind myself why I enjoy spending time with her
- show intimacy before during and after sex.
- to talk openly about our feelings negative and positive
- to be honest if our feelings change. Not to live a lie.
- be thoughtful of her feelings
- ask for her perspective if she angers me. Understanding her will help deal with negativity.
- during stressful moments go through it together.
- talk openly about anxiety to her or to a friend and not let it stay in.

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