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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 8:38 pm 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 305

The following was collated circa March 2019. However, it was not posted due to getting caught up into a relapse.

Ok, that’s not good but welcome back. You’re in the right place and no one here will judge. I recommend you take the following relapse assessment. You don’t have to, but it may be helpful to post your responses to questions 2-10 here in your thread. ... ssment.php

Be well,

PostPosted: Mon Jan 20, 2020 5:57 pm 

Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 7:11 pm
Posts: 42
Thanks Anon, I appreciate it. Sorry about the late reply.

Relapse Assessment Worksheet

2. Balance of Values. If I were to assess the balance of my life right now, I would have to say that my value system is:

Moderately out of balance with my priorities.

3. Issues. The biggest issues that I am struggling to manage are:

My emotions regarding my health and wellbeing.

4. Neglected Values. The most important values that I am neglecting in my life are:

Physical health and using time wisely.

5. How did you get here?. Describe the mental process (as best you can) that led from your initial enthusiasm/motivation to rebuild your life to its current level of apathy, complacency, helplessness and/or hopelessness.

I was motivated to rebuild my life after decades of engaging in the compulsive behaviours. I was engaging in the compulsive behaviours to escape. After the initial enthusiasm started to wear off, I slowly engaged in unhealthy behaviours. I made excuses like “I am only looking”. Sometimes, I would say to myself “this is the last time”, “just one more time” or “this is really the last time”. I stared allowing myself to engage in the behaviours. I would say to myself “this is good for you” and “this will help you relax”. But these were just excusing to engage in the behaviours.

6. Warning Signs. Looking back, what signs did you see that might have served as a warning signal that action needed to be taken before this relapse occurred?

I was allowing myself to have fantasies. I gave excuses as to why I was engaging in the unhealthy behaviours. I told myself it was okay to relapse because then I could feel ‘relaxed’. I told myself “what is the point”, "you have nothing", "might as well do it", "you have to do it". I did not engage in healthy activities. Instead, I occupied myself by masking my feelings with other things like surfing the internet. I was feeling anxious.

7. What was your reaction to these signs?

I allowed myself to escape from my feelings intentionally. Sometimes I told myself to stop and that I would regret doing it. I would argue with myself. But, I did it anyway.

8. Consequences. The most significant consequence of relapse is the long-term disruption to the value system that has been under construction. From an awareness viewpoint, list the new obstacles that this relapse has created in your life.

I engaged in the compulsive behaviours from about February 2019 to the end of December 2019. I became more stressed because I saw that I was failing to engage in healthy activities.

9. Regaining Perspective. The most important element of relapse is regaining healthy motivation and perspective. Without saying, "I don't know", how will you regain this healthy motivation and perspective?

I will ensure that I consider my values before acting. I will return to my breath and surf my urges.

10. Next Steps. What will be the next immediate, active steps that you will take to get yourself back on a healthy track?

Re-read and contemplate my answers to the Recovery Workshop starting today.

Last edited by Radio on Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2020 2:54 am 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 169
Welcome back Radio,

10. Next Steps. What will be the next immediate, active steps that you will take to get yourself back on a healthy track?

Re-read and contemplate my answers to the Recovery Workshop starting today.

I totally agree with your statement, after your relapse in 2019 it is very sensible to go back to the beginning.
Don't forget that you have to have the mindset and want to stop though, going through the motions and completing the lessons will not fix things.

Remember that you have the support of RN to help you :g:

“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu

PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2020 12:59 am 

Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 7:11 pm
Posts: 42
Thanks T, much appreciated.

You are right, I need to have the mindset.

I think I didn’t have the correct mindset before. I completed tasks as quickly as possible, just to feel like I accomplished something. But, actually I missed the point. I need to understand the information and apply it.

From now on, I will not just go through the motions and actually apply the lessons learned and reflect on the information more deeply.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:26 am 

Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 7:11 pm
Posts: 42
Lesson 34: Emotional Maturity Obstacles

A - Description of a time in your life when the "Immediate Gratification" principle has come into play.

I felt a little down one day. I felt that I didn’t make a good impression at a job interview. I kept thinking about it. I kept criticising myself. I told myself that “I needed to masturbate”. I rushed home. Looked at some pornography and masturbated. This stopped my inner-voice for a while and the stress I was causing myself. After masturbating I still felt down. But then I was also criticizing myself for masturbating and not following the promise I made to myself not to masturbate.

B - Description of the anxiety I feel when I am trying to not act on a compulsive sexual thought or behaviour

Today I had an urge to look at pornography and masturbate. I had flashbacks of times when I looked at pornography. I engaged in fantasy. I felt like I could not stop the urges. I felt overwhelmed and agitated. I moved around a lot. I wanted to get rid of the feelings. I think trying to stop acting on a compulsive sexual thought or behaviour brings a lot of stress and increases the intensity of the compulsive sexual thought. I think that the stress is similar to the anxiety I feel sometimes about health, social situations and money. The anxiety in trying to not act on a compulsive sexual thought or behaviour is actually not that strong in hindsight. But, in the moment it feels very strong.

C - Description of the feeling that I experience while I engage in a certain compulsive sexual thought or behaviour

I think when I engage in pornography and masturbation, anxiety subsides. I go into a trance-like state. I forget time. While I am engaging in pornography and masturbation, in my mind, pornography and masturbation are the only things that matter. I feel like there is urgency in everything I do. I feel energised. There are moments where I break out of the trance-like state and start to regret things. When this happens, sometimes increased effort is used to seek more pornography to quell these feelings.

PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:10 am 

Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2018 7:11 pm
Posts: 42
Lesson 35: Health Monitoring II

1 - Daily monitoring: the first area I will be actively monitoring (for a maximum of seven days)

Today, I am going to look for opportunities to find peace, especially throughout challenging circumstances.

2 - Weekly agenda

Over the past seven days

Question 1
What areas of my life did I derive the majority of my meaning and fulfilment?
  • What are the specific actions I undertook which provided meaning and fulfilment?

Question 2
Where did the majority of my energy go?
  • Was there chronic stress/pressure I had to manage?
  • Were there any major traumatic events?
  • Were there any intense emotional events?

Question 3
Considering the meaning I derived this week and the events I had to manage, how well did I maintain emotional balance through healthy means?
  • Were there times when my life management skills were inadequate and I ended up turning to artificial means (e.g. compulsive behaviour)?

Question 4
Did I do everything that I was scheduled to do this week?
  • Do I need to reschedule any items?

Question 5
Specifically, did I follow my schedule for completing the workshop?
  • Did I read and respond to lessons two days this week (Monday and Saturday)?
  • Did I read other posts and re-read material at least one day this week (Tuesday or Thursday)?
  • Did I reflect on learnings at least one day this week (Wednesday or Friday)?

For the next seven days

Question 5
Are there any significant events I need to prepare for, so I am not caught off guard?
  • Do you have any deadlines, reunions, holidays, dates, etc?

In regards to the maintenance of systems

Question 6
Have you processed everything in your inbox?

Question 7
Have you written down items not captured into your inbox?

Question 8
Have you reviewed your action list, calendar and projects?
  • Have you marked off all action that have been completed?

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