Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Sun Oct 20, 2019 4:09 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 61 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:09 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Hi!

This is my thread. I have long wanted to join and go through the workshops. The truth is I am bit afraid of the work! The reading. But I am here, and I am starting now. Feel great to take some actions here. My longest streak is 30 days.

A bit about me briefly, I am late 30s, married, one child. I love my family dearly and I know my addiction is hurting there. I am here for me, but I want a more authenticate relationship with them. when I began, I was told it was ok to M to P. But things changed - high speed internet was not around, you know the rest. So I guess I have been at it for about 10 - 15 years. Only in the last 3 - 5 years have I even thought it was an issue.

Some positive steps I have taken recently:
[list=]
I am 5 days in no porn or m[/list]
[list=]I blocked all P on my PC[/list]
[list=]I started a hypnosis program, it is really helping me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpYh4HvoTTU[/list]


I just read lesson 1

http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_001.php

1) actively committing yourself to change

I often think recovery needs to be be my # 1 priority. I face other challenges, I drink a little too often, I waste money. But I think that by resolving this issue, I can build a foundation for facing the others. I feel a little afraid to commit to this as I know it will take a lot of work. I may be a little afraid of the effort.

2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change

I think in relation to this, I will be ok. But time will tell.

3) allowing yourself time to change.

This is a huge one now I reflect. It will take me time to really understand and grow, and I am committed to taking that time. I am subconsciously giving my self that space.

List ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life.

I want to live a more authentic life
I want to reach my full potential
I want to be the best dad I can
I want to be the best husband I can
I value emotional maturity and I want to progress in this area
I no longer wish to be cranky
I no longer wish to be reactive
I want to stop seeing women as objects
I do not wish to support the largely unethical porn industry
I want to show myself I can overcome a great challenge
I want to feel the sense of pride after overcoming this challenge
I want to role model positive behaviour
I wish to become free of other addictions and I believe overcoming this will help
I'm no longer willing to keep this side of myself secret
I must act now to stop things getting much worse

Reflecting on being a child

I did this - I started at an image of myself as a child, and I feel motivated reclaim my life for that child - who is me.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2018 6:35 am 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
I am making good progress. I am up to day 9 and it has been pretty easy going so far.

I have read the next lesson, my next step is to make the time to do the exercise.

I see this place as a comforting island of rational thought.

Last night I completed my third self-hypnosis tape. I have come to realise I am emotionally immature - a hard pill to swallow as I am into self-development and always thought I had a high level of self-awareness.

I've got a good stretch of time off work, little money and lots of time. I am hoping to use this time wisely and inspect my values, follow this program and heal. This is my number 1 priority right now.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:12 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3815
Location: UK
Hello TP
Firstly The forum annotated recovery is for members to record their progress their emotions and feelings etc
Other members except for coaches and mentors should NOT post into another members thread
the forum annotated community is for members to ask questions , gain insights and understanding and thus is open to all members in the recovery programme
partner forums are excluded from members comments unless the partner has specifically asked a question that is specified as being open to both sides

So please be mindful to support the fact that the forum is not a chat room

Secondly
Quote:
my next step is to make the time to do the exercise.




Quote:
I've got a good stretch of time off work, little money and lots of time.


Back in August you said lets get this done, so please do so
Addicts never have time for recovery but find all the time in the world for acting out
Put in that time, that effort and that commitment and the rewards are there
so again lets do this :pe:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:37 am 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Kenzo wrote:
Hello TP
Firstly The forum annotated recovery is for members to record their progress their emotions and feelings etc
Other members except for coaches and mentors should NOT post into another members thread
the forum annotated community is for members to ask questions , gain insights and understanding and thus is open to all members in the recovery programme
partner forums are excluded from members comments unless the partner has specifically asked a question that is specified as being open to both sides

So please be mindful to support the fact that the forum is not a chat room

Secondly
Quote:
my next step is to make the time to do the exercise.




Quote:
I've got a good stretch of time off work, little money and lots of time.


Back in August you said lets get this done, so please do so
Addicts never have time for recovery but find all the time in the world for acting out
Put in that time, that effort and that commitment and the rewards are there
so again lets do this :pe:


copy that!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:51 am 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Lesson 2 - Vision

I live a life that is defined by my honesty, authenticity and strong character. This life is underpinned by values that I hold close to my heart.

I value learning and gaining knowledge. This includes in my career and personal life. I spend a good amount of my time in service of my community.

My relationship with my wife is deep as the ocean - and I no longer want anyone else.

I accept her completely and lover her unconditionally. This underpins a strength that our children can draw from. I have an amazing and diverse social group, with authentic relationships.

I can let go.

I am a master of my emotions - and I think before I react to difficult situations. Infact, I thrive in them. I always look for ways to make the most of each given challenge. I am a master of my ego, humble but confident.

I live by the ocean, I fish often and I surf. I write - and I have a good audience. I facilitate and help people. I inspire and I am also reflective.

I journal each day - and I exercise regularly. I have masted a craft so that I feel secure in my employment - but my career does not take too much from me - I work part-time only.

I have mastered financial matters and have enough savings and investments to be comfortable.

My children are not afraid to speak with me when they are afraid or unsure. I inspire them.

I do not use pornography, I have no need for it or desire. I never act out. I am proud that I have overcome this challenge.

I am present in each moment, and physically strong. I am OK with discomfort, and I read everyday. I travel often, I am not afraid to die. I grow a lot of food and store it well.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2018 6:32 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Having some strong urges today.

I noticed that when I have relapsed, I have looked at girls in public, touched myself in bed and then view some images. From there, I descend into addiction.

I am about 12 days or so in, and last night I saw some girls. I touched myself briefly when I woke, and I got up and had a cold shower.

Looking forward to making love to my wife. I think I will do that tonight (if she is keen which I think she is) instead of going and getting trashed a afriend's party. The party will result in my getting a bit loose and I will prob turn to p. I will also lose focus and momentum.

Reading the third lesson today. About to go for a run - will cold shower again.

I also started a quit porn podcast today as I cleaned.

I am honestly a bit afraid of this process. I feel a little frightened because I feel myself committing and it means I need to face some deep fears.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 4:50 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Lesson 3 - list your values

1) Living with authenticity
2) Listening to my wife
3) Not becoming angry or being triggered if my wife says or does something I do not like
4) A good role model for my Son
5) Having persistence
6) Self-mastery
7) Taking time to pause before responding emotionally
8) Being a good friend
9) Reading often
10) Love of learning and able to acquire new skills
11) Financially Self-sufficient
12) Grow and store my own food
13) Able to manage my money
14) Do not eat junk food
15) Happy to be a little uncomfortable
16) Able to deal with stressful situations
17) Confident and self-assured
18) Do not compare myself to others
19) Enjoy the process of learning and gaining new skills
20) Good listening skills
21) Exercise each day
22) Have mastered a skill that I can rely on to secure income
23) Waking early and preparing to get the most out of the day
24) Able to easily de-escalate emotional situations
25) A strong sense of self-love underpinned by s good character
26) A sense of purpose in the world and making the world a better place
27) Thrive in adversity
28) Trust other people and making new friends
29) Do not look at other women, secure in relationship
30) Have a deep and unbreakable bond with my wife
31) Help out around the house
32) Physically strong body
33) Mentally tough
34) Is able to let go of relationships that no longer serve good
35) Is ok with criticism
36) Never use pornography
37) Has a clear vision for my life
38) Do not substitute relationships with women for what is lacking at home
39) Writing and sharing ideas is easy to me
40) Politically active
41) Has a passive income source that sustains me
42) Has authentic relationship with extended family - tells them that I love them often
43) Has deep conversations with family and friends
44) Can save money to travel
45) Doe snot drink alcohol often
46) Living a life of gratitude
47) Respecting the mind and not using mind-altering substances
48) Doe not seek external approval
49) Makes the most of each day
50) Inspires others


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 7:00 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Note - I am beginning to see a clearer picture of a vision for my life. Purpose is something I have spent a lot of time thinking about the last 5 years or so - and I am grateful my addiction has lead me towards a clearer vision for it.

I feel strong - committed to my recovery and capable of overcoming this challenge. I am grateful for the challenge as it will help train me to overcome further difficulty. :w: :no: :g:


Lesson 4 -prioritise values

1) Not becoming angry or being triggered if my wife says or does something I do not like
2) A good role model for my Son
3) Committed to Self-mastery
4) Taking time to pause before responding emotionally
5) Reading often
6) Love of learning and able to acquire new skills
7) Financially self-sufficient
8) Grow and store my own food
9) Exercise each day
10) Have mastered a skill that I can rely on to secure income
11) Have a deep and unbreakable bond with my wife
12) Is ok with criticism
13) Never use pornography
14) Has a clear vision for my life that I work towards each day
15) Do not substitute relationships with women for what is lacking at home
16) Has authentic relationship with extended family - tells them that I love them often
17) Has deep conversations with family and friends
18) Travels often
19) Does not drink alcohol often
20) Living a life of gratitude
21) Respecting the mind and not using mind-altering substances
22) Does not seek external approval


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:06 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Relapse report

Sitting on couch, slightly toasted (a few drinks with some friends and a joint which I rearely smoke these days).

Saw Winnie from the wonder years on a TV show - wondered what she would look like now

Pause - this was the starting point, this was where I needed to stop myself.

Saw some pics of Winnie and then for some reason searched red heads. Then escorts, then some P.

I then acted once more last night and once this morning.

I am not too worried - I mean I am disappointed for sure - but I am going to use this as an opportunity to think about how I can learn from this failure - rather than let it spin me back out of control.

The reality is I am far happier without P.

I am going to drink less (bit harder to avoid this time of year), obvs stay away from joints which is very easy for me, and look at setting filter up on phone.

Next time I am a situation like that - I will stop and identify the trigger - and go have a cold shower - or do anything else.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2018 3:52 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
I am doing ok, feeling galvanised again. Rather than letting my slip send me back into as binge, I am choosing to learn from my mistake.

Last night my wife and I made love and it was great. I am begging to see the damage P addiction has caused my life and I am determined to correct this error.

Lesson 5 - further filtering of values. Note - I am going to spend some time on this so will come back and edit as much as I like.

Re-edited this list on the 6 / 1 / 2019. I have a few internal conflicts I am dealing with. Some of this seems rally naff and unfocused. Example - Has a clear vision for my life that I work towards each day. That's the purpose of this whole exercise isn;t it? I tend to question things a lot, rather than getting in and doing the work.

Committed to self-mastery
Reading everyday
Love of learning
Building my business to provide financial security
Grow and storing my own food
Exercise at least three times a week
Have a deep and unbreakable bond with my wife
Never use pornography
Has authentic relationships with family and friends
Am the best Father I can be
I travel often, overseas once a year
I can manage my money and have excellent financial literacy
I am able to delay gratification
Living a life of gratitude
Respecting the mind and not using mind-altering substances
I serve the community
I work part-time hours


Last edited by Theprocess on Sat Jan 05, 2019 6:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2019 6:07 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
I had a slip over the break - I took a good look at the reasons behind it and I learned a few things. In this instance I took some substances on nye - something I very real rarely do any more (but was always a trigger). I had a plan in place to manage this, and while it ultimately failed - having a plan in the first place was a small win.

Also, I now 3 days in - so even if I slip, I am getting better at getting back into it, and I am really motivated to see how my life will change. I want to do this for me, for getting the most out of my life in the short time I have.

Just re-read lesson 6, will come back shortly to complete. My wonderful family is calling me and I need to go be with them:)


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2019 6:10 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Lesson 6 - Proactive Action Plans

Reading everyday

- spend at least 15 minutes reading each day
- Have one fiction and one non-fiction book
- have podcasts - books ready to go when commuting / travelling
- Always have another book I want to read
- Be ok / come to terms with reading work related books while not at work

Exercise at least three times a week

- Print my training plan while I am off work
- Set a race goal for my running
- Try to run with friends
- Try other sports
- Do some of the Yoga videos my friend sent me
- Do 20 push-ups a day until I go to training camp
- Set up the Yoga swing

Love of learning

- Register for the Learning how to learn course and do 15 minutes each day
- Sign up for the code course I keep putting off and do 15 minutes each day


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:45 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Part of me wants to go back to the Vision statement. Re do it.

Getting my vision right is not something I just stumbled on here. This has been a quest of mine for many years now.

I have a very clear idea of where I want to be by the end of the year.

Updated vision for 2019.

I am free of pornography addiction, I have saved $2000 as a personal buffer and I have paid half of my credit card off. I no longer drink alcohol (only rarely and in limited quantities), and I am absolutely sure if I will continue with my online business or end it. This means I have created an app version of the site to determine viability with my client.

I am comfortable in my work and I take pleasure in learning and honing my craft. I am able to edit and customise SharePoint sites using a JavaScript framework. I have improved my project management skills through courses.

My wife and I have improved our communication, and I am able to have difficult conversations with her without it failing into an argument. I have done everything I can to support her with her own health goals, but I do not put any pressure onto her. We have spoken to a counsellor.

I have established several hobbies, through trying new things and they bring me journal. I continue to journal each day in my personal (physical diary) and I read every night.

Exercise is part of my daily routine, and I have completed a half-marathon in under 1:50. I have a small group of friends, and these friendships are based on authenticity and mutual trust.

I have a daily morning routine that includes meditation. I am building strong bonds with my Son each day.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 10:16 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 384
Hi TP,

Quote:
Part of me wants to go back to the Vision statement. Re do it.

Getting my vision right is not something I just stumbled on here. This has been a quest of mine for many years now.

I have a very clear idea of where I want to be by the end of the year.

The objective of recovery is to change how you manage your life rather than feeling like you are stopping (or worse depriving yourself) of an addiction. Your vision of your life ahead is likely to be reasonably fluid for the rest of your life so tweaking it from time to time is a good thing as long as it remains relevant and articulates the person that you intend to be.

Quote:
I had a slip over the break - I took a good look at the reasons behind it and I learned a few things. In this instance I took some substances on nye - something I very real rarely do any more (but was always a trigger). I had a plan in place to manage this, and while it ultimately failed - having a plan in the first place was a small win.

Also, I now 3 days in - so even if I slip, I am getting better at getting back into it, and I am really motivated to see how my life will change. I want to do this for me, for getting the most out of my life in the short time I have.

Slips are tricky areas to get your head around. On the one hand, if you have slipped then you should accept it, learn from it and then put it behind you and move on. On the other, whilst putting it behind you it is really important to recognise that it was not acceptable behaviour otherwise you are just giving yourself an open ended "Get Out of Jail" card. It is important to find the right balance with this.

I was not able to glean from your thread if your reasons for coming to RN were due to you feeling fed up with your addiction or (like many other members) that it was as a result of having been caught out by your wife? You don't need to answer me but if it is the former then perhaps you should think about how you would feel about being caught? How would your wife react? What if she told you that you were not the person she thought she had married and said that she wanted to split up and then you will have lost your wife and daily access to your child? I don't say that to try and scare you but if you read the threads of many other members on RN then that is where they have come from. An addict (from personal experience) is very good at thinking that they are clever at getting away with it and will try to avoid thinking of the consequences as that will just put you off pursuing your thrills. But it is the end game, sooner or later our luck runs out and we will get caught if we don't draw a line under that behaviour. You are early on in the lessons and will learn a lot on your way through the workshop but for now perhaps reflect back on your 2019 vision to be free of pornography addiction. How are you going to do that and when does it start? You need to commit fully now and don't allow yourself to turn back. The tools to help you are in the lessons and you will pick them up as you work your way through but for now I would suggest that when urges strike that you think about the worst case scenario if you get caught as that may help give you the motivation needed to start managing your life healthily and to avoid slips. Also from personal experience, the process of recovery is challenging enough when you are sober and the use of substances (alcohol, drugs, etc) will just make life so much harder for you. Avoiding drugs and keeping alcohol intake to a minimum would sound like a sensible approach for you in the meantime.

All of this is entirely your call, no-one will tell you what to do, coaches and mentors will offer thoughts and guidance and then it is entirely up to you what you take on board and choose to ignore. I wish you luck in making some good choices moving forwards.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2019 9:34 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 61
Quote:
I was not able to glean from your thread if your reasons for coming to RN were due to you feeling fed up with your addiction or (like many other members) that it was as a result of having been caught out by your wife?


Hi

Thanks so much for dropping in and giving me some feedback and thoughts - I really appreciative it. My wife has caught me a few times over the years but she has laughed about it.

She does not know the full extend of my addiction - what it has done to our relationship, our family. All the bad stuff my choice to use pornography. Including my inability to manage my emotions effectively or even my life.

At least I think she doe snot know. I accept she is probably is aware at least on some level that Porn would impact our relationship. I am waiting for the "honestly" workshop, but I am very torn about sharing with her for the reasons you mentioned,

However, I need ways to manage urges (I look forward to getting to that too). I actually came her to say I had some very good news at work, a promotion.

Last night I was celebrating, some beers and a joint, I shared it with my wife:)

Anyway - this morning - had urges, even edged, close call. But I stopped myself. I could tell edging was weakening the progress and reinforcing the existing neural pathways. This helped me to stop

Key takeaways

- I need to go to ybop and do more reading and research, educate myself so I can value the work I have done. I am almost finished a very good podcast on porn recovery - the Porn reboot podcast
- I will consider the worse case scenario before I fap. I will visualise losing my job, family, everything for porn. I will put myself in that feeling and use that as motivation
- I will throw out the remaining weed! I can have a few beers and be ok, but if I combine them, my will is weakened
- I will put a blocker on my phone. Got blockers on everything else.
- I will keep doing exercises here


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 61 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group