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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2019 10:22 am 
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Posts: 23
Lesson 1 Exercises:
A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change

I want to be perfect, of course, like all people. But that is idealistic and unrealistic thinking. I know that even after I get rid of my addiction, I will continue to be imperfect and I will make mistakes. But I certainly do not want to make any mistakes and sins in the PMO area. The time associated with the PMO, including imagination, daydreaming and resisting to temptations, has taken up to much amount of time, and time is the most precious resource in my life. In addition, that is the time of emotional exhaustion, self-denial that I am someone who is not in real life and, that is especially important, is the time when I'm disconnected from others, especially from my family. I'm physically with other people, but spiritually absent. For the past two years, since I discovered nofap.com and became aware of and admitted to myself that I was an addict, I am intensely working on my recovery. I have mastered the technique of resisting the urge to watch pornography, but it still happens that the inner brain is deceiving me and I'm finished off on the substitute for pornography. Now I'm trying to figure out what's going on in this wide range of porn substitutes. It was difficult at first, because I lied to myself, and then I had to admit that I lied. Perhaps to someone else, for example, watching the underwear is nothing erotic, but to me, it's my trigger and I must admit it and react appropriately when this trigger occurs. Also for more than a year I have not intentionally masturbated, for the sake of pleasure. However, from time to time when going to bed or taking a nap, my inner brain puts ahead of me the challenges: unwanted erections and contractions in a pelvic area that may last for an hour or two, PE, because it leads me to the thought of masturbating before having an intercourse with wife, unwanted ejaculation during massage due to the usual gluteus pressures, and the like. I am convinced that these are all actions that my inner brain is trying to sabotage my recovery efforts. Most of the time I needed to realize that daydreaming and fantasizing are equally detrimental to my recovery and that I can control them. For more than a year I cheated on myself, believing that it's good not to watch porn and masturbate, and that I can not control my thoughts anyway. That was wrong, and I recently started actively working to stop the blasphemous thoughts when they appeared. Recently, changing TV channels I accidentally encountered a scene in which two men take of their clothes to bathing pants and enter the river to swim. At the same time, I have urge to record that scene so that I can watch it again later - and then I managed to realize that this is a trigger for undesirable behavior. Obviously, there is nothing erotic in that scene, but for some reason it was a trigger for me and triggered the wrong emotions. The fact that I have to give up my “toys” in the past has been very painful for me, and I know that I've been struggling for days, and I did not want to admit that something was a trigger or my inner brain refuse to admit that something was a trigger, and moreover that fight inside of me made me tremendously hurt (emotionally and spiritually).

Pornography and imagination are really a source of wonderful pleasure. However, when I am not obsessed with them, when I can think rationally, I realize that this temporary pleasure in life creates long-term harm to my life. I want to stop being a slave to my inner brain, I want to re-manage my life in accordance with my convictions, I want to stop living a double life, I want to be a man of integrity again, as I could and what I wanted to become. When I get rid of these sick and unnatural pleasures, I believe that I will be able to once again enjoy the true pleasures of my life.

2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change

Once upon a time I was convinced that in life I should not lie, cheat, steal, I should do well. Then I began to realize that all people around me are lying, cheating, stealing, justifying the need to build a career, resourcefulness and the like. It took me a long time to realize that it was not the right path, that I was stuck and I wanted to get out of it. If everyone around me is lying, cheating and stealing - I do not want to do it. If I want to be special, different, so is not that the right path? I decided, together with my wife, that we would prefer to live fairly and modestly, than luxuriously and unfairly. We rejected more immoral offers. We had to act wisely so we would not have done more harm than done. We decided not to lie anymore, neither to ourselves nor to others. Of course, there is still a situation where it is necessary to turn your head to the other side and stay away. But I do not want to lie anymore, when something needs to be said. My addiction to pornography does not fit into that lifestyle. And that's another reason I want to get rid of it. But I'm ready to face it, if necessary, to face embarrassment because I'm so long addicted to pornography. If I need to be embarrassed and humiliated, if that is the price - I agree in advance. What can the worst happen to me? But if I can break the addiction in a quiet way, even better. I am aware that with this kind of lifestyle I try to live in public in recent years, there is always a danger that a person becomes proud - that is why I often become aware of the need to be humble in my life.

3) allowing yourself time to change.

My recovery is slow, but I'm sure I'm on the right track and I'm sure I'm not the guy in the infinite loop of recovery and relapse. I am 54 years old and almost 40 years I have lived a double life so I do not expect my recovery to be in a month. I have to mess up a lot of disorder and change many of the rooted habits. If I have not had a good life at first, I want to finish it well. I hope this program will help me by learning how to recognize triggers and how to respond appropriately to them. I hope this program will help me systematically go through the recovery process, adopting all the details of the recovery I learned in different places, but I have not always managed to apply them successfully.


Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.

B. Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life.

I want to develop a healthy and growing relationship with God.
I want to feel powerful.
I want to feel superior to people who justify the addiction in which I stumbled.
I want to be successful.
I want to be calm, cool.
I want to be a good person helping other people.
I want to be a person who is silent, but works, is committed and consistent.
I want to be relaxed, good-natured and helping.
I want to control my life, not allow that my addiction controle it.
I want to relax in the summer on the beach and enjoy the sea and the nature, not to be afraid of all the time when and where the triggers that separate me from the family and the acting out will appear.
I want to fearlessly develop my leadership potentials, which I can not do in this state.
I want to live the integrity, do not be afraid someone will reveal my secrets and hurt me.
I want to spend good times with friends, not impatiently waiting for the hangover to stop to go on to PMO.
I want to reestablish an honest and transparent relationship with my wife, including intimacy, cuddling etc.
I want to reprogram my brain to positive thoughts.
I want to focus my sexual energy exclusively on a relationship with my wife or common good.
I want to learn how to control my sexual urges the way I want, and not let sexual urges to control me.
I feel overwhelming and pleased when I use self-discipline to achieve what I want. This sense of supremacy is something that gives me the ultimate pleasure



C.
Find a picture of yourself when you were a small child. An innocent child. The power of this exercise rests in your ability to look into the eyes of your own innocence — something that is very hard to do through memory alone. Now, with the picture in hand, look into that child's eyes. Feel their innocence. Acknowledge that this child is you at a point in your life. Feel how vulnerable you were. How trusting. Recognize the lack of addiction in your life...and the desire for little more than love, compassion, teaching and support. Think of the trauma you faced throughout your life. Think of the times when you felt alone. Confused. If you feel like it, cry for this child. Allow yourself to feel love for this child. Do whatever you must to emotionally connect with this child because it is for this child that you are now reclaiming your life. It is this child who lost their way and you are the one now showing the courage to guide this child, who is you, back to health.
If you would like, share your experience with this last exercise in your thread

It is difficult to recognize myself in this child, it is difficult to identify with him, with that picture. Maybe I picked the wrong photo, maybe it's been too long since then. For me nothing means looking into his eyes. The only thing I can remember is the touch of hair, when my fingers pass through my hair (I'm bald now). That child is calm, safe in himself, protected. I can not establish a particular emotional connection with that photo. It does not mean anything to me. I do not know whether it's good or not for me.

#####

I am grateful to all of you who will point me to mistakes in my recovery or cure.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 5:07 am 
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Lesson 2 Exercises:
Personal vision

The most precious foundation of my life is my faith. I want to further deepen and increase the quality of my relationship with God. I want to apply my faith in all aspects of my life: at work, in free time, to my associates, friends and family. I want 24/7 to live according to Christian principles.
I want to live according morale that is only correctly and only one that suits my believes. PMO is in contradiction with my morale. I don’t want to live hypocrite life anymore.

I want to reaccept and develop myself as real man, I want to rediscover and embrace my masculinity, as a person whose aim is to protect, love, lead, to be in fellowshipping with God.

I want to calm down. I want to enjoy the inner peace. I want to change my life so that I am more calm and patient, someone prepared and willing to accept the challenges and problems I encounter.

I do not want to be more nervous or anxious about things I can not influence. I want to stop spending time on meaningless things that just take time away, and nothing matters in life.

I want to put order, stability and security in my life.

I want to maintain regular good relationships with friends and family.I want to deepen and daily take care of the values I embraced years ago from John C. Maxwell: faith, attitude, priorities, health, family, thinking, commitment, finances, relationship, generosity, values and growth.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2019 9:52 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3815
Location: UK
Hello Sven and welcome to RN

Quote:
Pornography and imagination are really a source of wonderful pleasure.

but when they become or actually when we allow / choose them to become compulsive the bring pain guilt and shame

As you state
Quote:
when I am not obsessed with them, when I can think rationally, I realize that this temporary pleasure in life creates long-term harm to my life. I want to stop being a slave to my inner brain, I want to re-manage my life in accordance with my convictions, I want to stop living a double life, I want to be a man of integrity again, as I could and what I wanted to become. When I get rid of these sick and unnatural pleasures, I believe that I will be able to once again enjoy the true pleasures of my life.


if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path sucessfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you

perhaps in your vision you could expand


Quote:
faith, attitude, priorities, health, family, thinking, commitment, finances, relationship, generosity, values and growth.


when why and how are good questions
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2019 4:00 pm 
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Kenzo wrote:
... if you miss something ask on the help forum, assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned...


Thank you very much! Your comment is very precious to me. Frankly, I did not think anyone would notice my tread so fast. I am impressed by the engagement of you coachs and mentors. I figured it would look like my posting here: I'll describe my phases, and others will intervene if they see me somewhere I'm wrong. That is why I am delighted if there will not be many interventions, but I believe that it is nice for us all to feel little support from time to time. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2019 4:12 pm 
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Lesson 3

faith
morale
integrity
masculinity
tranquility
patience
time management
order
stability
security
attitude
health
commitment

Threats:
- disloyalty, obscenity, rudeness
- criticism, despair, attack
- feeling unappreciated, taken for granted
- failure to comply with the rules
- rejecting a request
- seeking unjustified service
- anger, frustration
- procrastination


+ Self-respect
+ Safety/Survival
- Social Acceptance
?+ Meaning: Pursuing a reason for your existence
++ Security
- Intimacy
++ Health
- Love:
- Identity
?+ Integrity
++ Autonomy
+ Order



Most important for me Influence of others on me:

Living with integrity
Sharing my true self with the world around me -> integrity
Strengthening my role as a partner to (add partner’s name here)
Being an inspiration to others -> influence to others
Being dedicated
Being tenacious in my pursuit of (add pursuit) -> self-discipline
Being charitable, giving
Developing intellectual depth
Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
Enhancing my spiritual awareness
Integrating religion into my day-to-day life
Providing quality in my work
Establishing competence in my field
Being dependable -> integrity
Being reliable -> integrity
Honesty -> integrity
Humbleness -> faith
Developing emotional maturity
Striving for excellence
Establishing financial freedom
Physical health
Sexual intimacy
Feeling sexually desired
Feeling masculine
Feeling empowered
Developing sustained friendships
Being respected
Developing patience -> self-discipline
Living a humble life -> faith

Being known as reliable -> integrity
Wisdom
Connected to my own feelings
Integrity
Connecting to purpose, meaning of life -> faith
Financial stability
Personal independence
Power
Control

Avoiding conflict
Sexual intimacy
Masculinity
Intellectual growth, debate, communication
Experienced in conflict resolution
Feeling happy and content
Self-discipline


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2019 4:25 pm 
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Lesson 4

faith - integration of my faith into my day-to-day life
morale - purity
integrity - being dependable, reliable
commitment

self-control or self-discipline
order
stability
security

masculinity - attitude - power

tranquility
patience
developing emotional maturity

time management

health
financial freedom and security


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:25 pm 
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Lesson 5

faith - integration my faith into my day-to-day life
- u svemu što radim tijekom dana nastojat ću primijeniti biblijska načela u praksi
- in everything I do during the day I will try to apply biblical principles in practice

morale - purity
- želim se kloniti svih grješnih prigoda i tako trajno živjeti čisto (primjer čovjeka koji je pojeo dva doručka, Mišo, Vlatko…)
- I want to keep away from all the sinful occasions and live so cleanly forever (example of a man who ate two breakfasts, Mišo, Vlatko ...)

integrity - being dependable, reliable
- ne želim lagati, ne želim ogovarati, želim govoriti samo tako da se kasnije ne pokajem zašto sam si dopustio to nešto reći.
- I do not want to lie, I do not want to gossip, I just want to talk so that I do not regret later why I let myself to talk such way.

commitment
- želim se dati u sve što radim, ne raditi površno ili iz dosade, a ono što ne želim, na to potrošiti što manje vremena, što prije iz toga izići
- I want to give in to everything I do, do not want to work superficially or out of boredom, and if I do not want to do something, then I want to spend as little time as I go out of it

self-control or self-discipline
- kad se uspijem natjerati i još više kad se uspijem zadržati, osjećam se tako moćno! Osjećaj da sam uspješan u samodisciplini pruža mi iznimno veliku radost.
- When I can make it and even more when I can keep it, I feel so powerful! The feeling of being successful in self-discipline gives me great joy.

order
- red mi čini zadovoljstvo i uživam u njemu, želim se disciplinirati tako da na poslu i doma živim u redu, uredno
- Order makes me happy and enjoy it, I want to be disciplined so I work alright and properly at work and at home

stability
- izbjegavam nepotrebne rizike
- I avoid unnecessary risks

security
- želim se osjećati sigurno, nesigurnost izaziva tjeskobu
- I want to feel safe, uncertainty provokes anxiety

masculinity - attitude - power
- uživam ponovno u sebi otkrivati muškarca, onog grubijana, ali onog snagatora koji će svoje grubijanstvo pretvoriti u onoga koji se bori za prave stvari, preuzima na sebe teret
- I enjoy re-discovering a man, the brutal man, but the one who will turn his roughness into the one who fights for the right things, takes on himself the burden

tranquility
- svakodnevni mir mi mnogo znači u životu, posebice kad se sjetim onih faza tjeskobe
- Everyday peace means a lot to me in life, especially when I remember those phases of anxiety

patience
- strpljiv, ustrajan, dosljedan, to je što želim izgrađivati, a ne poživčaniti na svaku sitnicu
- patient, persistent, consistent, that's what I want to build and not get mad on every little thing

developing emotional maturity
- kad se ponašam kao derište ili mala beba, onda to ne vodi na dobro, vrijeme je da postanem emocionalno zreo
- When I act like a brat or a little baby, then it does not lead to good, it's time to become an emotional mature

time management
- ne želim griješiti kao i većina koja se stalno tuži da nema vremena
- I do not want to make a mistake like the majority who constantly sues that there is no enough time

health
- brinem se o zdravlju: vježbam, zdravo hranim, odmaram, sistematski
- I care about health: exercise, healthy eating, resting, medical examination

financial freedom and security
- to mi je jako važno i ne želim nasjesti neodgovrnim budalama koje ne znaju dobro gospodariti pa onda laprdaju besmislice
- It is very important for me and I do not want to settle with unwilling buddies who do not know how to manage well, then they foolish nonsense


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2019 4:36 pm 
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Lesson 6 Exercise:
A. Of the top fifteen values on your Prioritized Values List, develop Proactive Action Plans for two or three of the more simple ones. For instance, "Strengthening your relationship with your wife" is complex. "Developing a closer bond with 'Chewie', your dog" (probably) isn't. For now, choose 'Chewie'. Post these plans into your recovery thread.
Note that your goal here is not to map out perfection. You only need to map out the next few steps in the developmental process of strengthening and/or maintaining this value (if it is already at full strength).


Faith / self-discipline
Reading Bible daily on regular basis, following reading plans.
Pray daily for me and other.
Reading theology letters on regular basis.
Preparing for Bible study.
Pray every day at the beginning of the work.
Contemplate before sleep.
Find and join men prayer group.
Once a week-day go to Holy Mass.

self-control or self-discipline + commitment + order + integrity - being dependable, reliable + time management + patience = at work
Begin work day with prayer.
Daily writing workbook diary.
Tasks sorting and recording according to priorities.
Clean the work desk before leaving the job.
Determine the tasks that need to be done once a week.
When I notice that I'm procrastinating, taking a break.
Avoid gossip at all costs. If this happens, note it in a reminder.
Avoid anger and wrath when I'm being denied or acting ugly to me.
Without anger, I will do those jobs that I would not need to do if the users treat me according to the rules.
Avoiding loud and gallblading, because people perceive it as an attack on them.
I want every customer to get more satisfied, or at least as happy as when he came in, and not to get out of a bad mood, than when he came in.

commitment + integrity - being dependable, reliable + security + masculinity = family
Intentionally start talking to family members taking care not to perceive it as an attack or provocation.
Intentionally show interest to family members.
Intentionally dedicate a certain amount of time to family members.
Once a month develop and implement a family trip or a joint activity.
Consciously to look at, to encourage and reward myself for what I have done well, not to fall that I just want to and I have to blame for what is bad.

financial freedom and security -
It will not end the year with a debt anymore, strive to save money each month.

patience + attitude - power + self-control = traffic
Do not let the behavior of others in the traffic to provoke anger in me.
When others make mistake in the traffic, then it means that they are unhappy, disoriented or beginners, they are regrettable and, if possible, help them, and help everyone together to avoid a traffic accident.

morale - purity
Have always in front of those extraordinary people I admire and who are my role models. Thinking how they would act in certain situations honestly, generously, telling the truth, without anger, with patience.
Do not lie, always tell the truth. If I can’t tell truth, then rather stay calm than lie.

health
Working out regularly.
Eating healthy.
Resting and sleeping enough.
Take a medical examination once a year.

masculinity - attitude - power
Find and engage in some activity I will do together with other men.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2019 9:32 am 
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Lesson 10
IV. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread.
I already deleted all of them. I've only kept 4 of my very favorite videos, but I have recently deleted them irretrievably, too. Some internet sites I can’t avoid, but I am aware of the danger they can cause.

V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.
I don’t use anyone anymore as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object (except maybe myself - when I still had to struggle with unwanted thoughts?).
There were few men in the past that I used in such way: strangers at nudist beach almost every summer until last two years. One man for exchanging pleasure 17 years ago.
Men in locker when changing and getting naked.

VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior.
I avoid places where I went to act out in past:
Nudist beach and unofficial nudist beach.
Internet: for watching porn.
Biking for fantasizing.
Promenades along the river.
Playing grounds for fantasizing.
I can't avoid the following places, but I try at all costs to avoid triggers regarding them:
My bedroom for fantasizing.
Some porn scene remain in my mind and pop up from time to time.
I tremble summer and beaches.
Going commando? Sometimes I practiced to go commando for arousal, but sometimes, especially during summer I like going commando just for it is more comfortable, including ih house among family members, without wanting to offend anyone. Nobody never complain and I think it is acceptable from them for they do not know if I go commando or not.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2019 3:45 pm 
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Lesson 11

My favorete patterns was Fantay, Porn and Masturbating. Very limited I practiced the Exhibitionism. Only once in my life I had Affairs, but I think it was not really Affairs, but mutual masturbation. Although I've never participated in Rape, S / M or Sexual Violence in real life, these were my favorite themes of fantasy and pornography. Interestingly, though I've never practiced Promiscuity, Promiscuity section has listed the most triggers I recognize with myself, and with what triggers high level of my emotions - Exhibitionism, Violence, Rape, S / M - this triggers are not my triggers.

+++ Frequent Cues/Triggers Often Associated With Fantasy:
Stress (low self-esteem)
Feeling unappreciated, taken for granted
Lack of intimacy

+++ Frequent Cues/Triggers Often Associated With Masturbation
Emotional imbalance (anger)

+++ Frequent Cues/Triggers Often Associated With Pornography:
Emotional imbalance (especially depression, anger, anxiety)

- - - Frequent Cues/Triggers Often Associated With Promiscuity
Past history of parental emotional neglect
Low self-esteem
Emotional imbalance (especially depression, loneliness)

- - Frequent Cues/Triggers Often Associated With Having Affairs
Low self-esteem
Loneliness
Unfulfilled intimacy/sexual encounters with partner
History of emotional abuse

- - -Frequent Cues/Triggers Often Associated With Prostitution
Emotional imbalance (loneliness)
Past history of parental neglect especially emotional
Low self-esteem
Relationship difficulties (low intimacy environments)

Frequent Cues/Triggers Often Associated With:

- - - Rape
Poor social skills
Loneliness/isolation
Sexual/romantic rejection

- - - S&M
Extremely poor relationship/intimacy skills
Past history of parental emotional neglect

- - - Sexual Violence
Shyness; avoidance; fear of rejection)
Poor relationship/intimacy skills

Frequent Cues/Triggers Often Associated With:

- - Voyeuring
Poor social skills
Loneliness/isolation

+ + + Exhibitionism
Poor relationship/intimacy skills


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2019 1:47 pm 
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Lesson 12 Exercise:
I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to an unhealthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.

They believe that they are defective in the sense that their emotions, urges, impulses, etc. are experienced with much more intensity than "normal people". And this puts them at a disadvantage for living a "normal life".
Partially coincides. I believe I had some type of ADHD, but I also believe that I am in a much better position than many other people.

They tend to confuse addiction recovery with general mental health issues — creating a hypersensitivity to all of the emotions that they experience. Depression, anxiety, anger — they are all tightly related to "recovery" and an imbalance in one often leads to an imbalance in the other.
I think that I do not know what it is like to have healthy sex and what are healthy sexual fantasies, anymore, because I live life of an addict too long. I would like to learn to distinguish between the two, between love and sinful and unhealthy lust. I noticed that sometimes I'm afraid of having sex with wife because I'm afraid I would objectify her, exploit her as a sexual object.

They perceive "powerlessness" not as absolute powerlessness over their life, but a limited powerlessness over their urges.
Sometimes I wonder if unwanted erections are the result of sabotage of my inner brain, or are the natural processes that I unnecessarily stop when I want to avoid masturbation at all costs.

They consistently measure the success of their recovery through abstinence, rather than emotional stability and personal satisfaction.
I think I'm being dropped here. I want to emphasize the importance of my emotional stability and personal satisfaction, but it seems that easier way is to look at abstinence. I think that focusing at abstinence is my comfort zone and that actually my next step should be changing focus from recovery to healthy lifestyle.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 5:45 pm 
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Lesson 13 Exercises:

I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.
II. Consider the values that surround both your healthy and unhealthy patterns. Are they consistent with your current prioritized values? If yes, wonderful. If not, how might this awareness alter how you are currently perceiving/managing your recovery? Share your thoughts in the community forum.

Early Recovery: "Understanding/Recognizing the Behavior"
In early recovery, they tend to experience relief in having their behaviors understood, and immediately seek understanding in all areas of their life. Unfortunately, this tends to overwhelm them, distract them, etc., but it is fairly common...and a good sign that their desire to change is sincere.

- Yes, there was a tremendous relief when I accepted that I was an addict, the role of my inner brain etc. There was a great relief when I realized that when I get rid of addiction, I could finally start living the life I wanted, which I could not before because of the addicts. I knew something was stopping me, but I was not aware that it was addictive.

In early recovery, they tend to explore many different trigger situations to see how well they can handle themselves. To see "how far they have come".

- I'm afraid I got stuck in some way here. I'm not quite sure of the meaning of the behavior described here. I've been in the swimming pool recently. I accidentally encountered the internal jet of massage water. I massaged, alongside, my ass. Later I got an erection and ejaculated without masturbation. Is it such a behavior? Did I have to know in advance what would happen? Did I know in advance that such a massage could lead to that, but I lied to myself? How do I learn to avoid these situations in the future, because they are in opposition to my desire for a normal, healthy life?


In early recovery, these individuals may be all across the board in terms of treatment, and may display many similar traits as to those in the "Those Who Will Occasionally Struggle With Relapse" category above.

Middle Recovery : "Actual Recovery"
They have accepted that they have struggled with certain immoral behaviors that contradicted their values, but realize that what matters is what they are doing, not what they did. They realize that no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present.

- I want to shoot the door of the past. I don’t want to be prisoner of my inner brain aka sinful lust.

Their motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that they can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that they can be proud of.

- I am sick of living double life, always be in fear that my secret would be exposed.

They make decisions based on what they believe is the right thing to do, rather than on what they think they can get away with. They know that whether these decisions end up being the right ones or not is irrelevant. That all that matters is that they were made with the right intentions in mind.

- This is something that wait that I master it. It is still very hard sometimes to fight with unwanted fantasizing. But I am committed to keep on fighting.

They are not focused on controlling/ending their past behavioral patterns, but on developing new patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction.

- I understand the need for taking New Ground, but I still have to learn and develop that new patterns.

They perceive "powerlessness" as a temporary term that more accurately describes their lack of skills in managing their urges.

- That is why I have great expectations that I will learn this on this site.

They recognize failure as a learning experience — but only when that failure occurs with on-the-spot sincerity, as opposed to pre-planned deception.

- I am proud to state that I did not pre-planned deception for over a year, but had several failure. Nevertheless, I did not allow that failure discourage me, I always looked to the positive side.

They recognize that the feelings that they are experiencing are the same feelings that others deal with every day in many different situations. That they are not "defective", but "deficient".

- I want to learn more about it.

They identify their future with a healthy person that once used addiction to manage their life; not as an addict that is managing their life with healthy behavior.

- I would like to identify with people who can say for themselves that they have not had any failure for more than 10 years.

They see their lives as a continuous process of growth and development, rather than an episodic book of starts and stops. (e.g. "When I was addicted" "After I recovered").

- I like to notice improvement in different area of my life, along with my recovery from PMO. I like to notice how much my view changed comparing with year or two ago.

They will take a long, hard look at anything associated with their destructive past, and will voluntarily make the decision to remove these objects from their life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc.

- I get rid of all such stuff, only obstacle appear here and there regarding fantasizing about options.

Late Recovery : "From Recovery to Health"

They have complete confidence in their ability to manage their life and are moving forward with their dreams in a rational, planned manner.

- I believe I could manage my life in a rational, planned manner, but I still struggle with failures and I want to reach this stage as soon as possible.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 2:01 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 384
Hi Sven,

Quote:
In early recovery, they tend to explore many different trigger situations to see how well they can handle themselves. To see "how far they have come".

- I'm afraid I got stuck in some way here. I'm not quite sure of the meaning of the behavior described here.

You mentioned that acting out for you was typically PMO. What this point is getting at is that you may have avoided porn at the point of joining RN and feel that you have learned a lot and are doing well. You can then fall into the trap of testing yourself to see how far you have recovered, you could start looking at porn in order to prove to yourself that you can stop it. This is a very dangerous thing to do and it is not recommended but the point of it being mentioned here is to flag to people that these temptations are common so you should expect to have that cross your mind (which is normal) but should avoid being drawn into trying it.

You have got off to a good start, keep up the good work.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 4:27 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2019 12:11 pm
Posts: 23
learningtorun wrote:
Hi Sven,

... You can then fall into the trap of testing yourself to see how far you have recovered, you could start looking at porn in order to prove to yourself that you can stop it.


Hi L2R!

Thank you for explanation and support! I underestant the point now. For a longer time I do not feel the need for pornography, and I am easily cooping with the subporn. More effort I have to invest in struggle with fantasy. Today I accidentally came across a single pornographic picture where I would not expect it at all. I was a bit confused and astonished, I looked good if it was really what I saw, but that known trigger did not happen, followed by a momentum. I'm happy because this did not confuse my feelings. So I can conclude that I did not start looking at porn in order to prove that I can stop it. As I can expect in future is that I will surely be soon or later involuntary exposed to some porn, but what matter is my response. I want that my reaction would be as today: (involuntary) see it - leave it - no damaga. :) Moreover, I wish that in the future I would no longer be afraid of unexpected exposure to pornography. I want my sincere emotional reaction to be: pornography - it does not concern me anymore. I do not use it, I do not want it, I do not need it. :)


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 5:01 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2019 12:11 pm
Posts: 23
Lesson 14 Exercises:

I. Develop your Daily Monitoring list. Post this list into your Recovery Thread. For the next two weeks, select a particular time each day and complete this monitoring. It is not intended as a checklist to measure your success/failure. It exists instead to provide you with ongoing focus and awareness. And, to establish a mechanical monitoring process that will eventually become an internalized, natural monitoring process.

Faith / self-discipline
1. Reading Bible daily on regular basis, following reading plans.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
2. Pray daily for me and other.
+ + + % + + + + + + + + + + +
3. Pray every day at the beginning of the work.
+ + + % % + + + + + % % + + +
4. Contemplate before sleep.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Self-control or self-discipline + commitment + order + integrity - being dependable, reliable + time management + patience = providing quality in my work
5. Begin workday with prayer.
? + + - - + + + + + + + + + +
6. Daily writing workbook diary.
+ + + % % + + - + + % % + + +
7. Clean the work desk before leaving the job.
+ + + % % + + + + + % % + + +
8. When I notice that I'm procrastinating, taking a break.
% - % + % + + % % % - % + + %
9. Avoid gossip at all costs.
- % - + + + % + - - + + + - +
10. Avoid anger and wrath.
+ + + + + + + + - + + + + + +
11. Without anger, I will do those jobs that I would not need to ?
- + + % + % + + + % + + ? +
12. Avoiding loud and gall blading, because people perceive it as an attack on them.
% + + + + + - + + + + + + + +
13. Smile and good temper to every costumer.
% % + + + + + + - + + % + + +

Commitment + integrity - being dependable, reliable + security + masculinity = with family
14. Intentionally start talking to family members.
+ + + + + ? + - + + + + ? + %
15. Intentionally show interest to family members.
+ + + + % ? + - + + + + ? + +

Self-love + self-respect + developing emotional maturity =
16. Consciously to look at, to encourage and reward myself for what I have done well.
+ + + + + + % % + + + + + + +
16.a Did I today meet my need for developing intellectual depth / intellectual growth?
+ % + % % -
16.b Were there today bad emotions, was I aware of my bad feelings today, did I analyze what caused them?
+ + + % % +
16.c Did I spent some time in solitude, enjoying music, relaxing etc.?
+ + % - + -

Patience + attitude - power + self-control = traffic
17. Did I stay calm and do not let other in the traffic to provoke anger in me?
- % + + + + + + + + % % - + +

Morale - purity
18. Did I redirect unwanted thoughts to my role models and life I want to have?
+ + + + + % + % + + + + + + %

Health
19. Did I work out if it was my day for workout.
% % + + % % % % % % % % % + +
20. Eating healthy.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
21. Resting and sleeping enough.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + ? + +

Masculinity - attitude - power
22. Did I do something coragiously or noble to feel my masculinity.
- - - ? + - + + + + % + ? - -
22.a Has there been an opportunity I missed today for developing sustained friendships?
- - - - - +

_ _ _ _ _
+ = Yes
- = No
? = Not sure
% = irrelevant, not applicable


_ _ _ _
- I added after 9 days 16a, 16b, 16c and 22a for monitoring because I felt that it makes me more complete to monitore also this area.

- A year or two years ago I've made changes in my daily routine similar to this Daily Monitor List so I just put some of this routines to my DML. Most of my life I believed in the value of spontaneity and creativity, I would be ashamed that people would experience me as a cold bureaucracy that rigidly holds lifeless rules. But I finally realized that in my case, the value of self-discipline was more important. Because of "spontaneity and creativity," when they are not aligned with other dimensions, life can easily turn into chaos. And I love order rather than chaos. Order allows me to be productive and successful. And that makes me happy. Spontaneity and creativity I have not thrown out of my life, but they must be my servants, and not completely overrule (and ruin) my life.

- I want to empower "masculinity" dimension in my life, I feel void of that area, but I don't know how to appy it on everyday life so maybe I must get it out of the list, not from my life. Similar is with my desire for establish mutual friendship. And I feel empty if I do not satisfy my need for knowledge (intellectuality).

- After 9 days I felt I had to monitor my feelings and emphasize need for freedom and amusement.


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