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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2020 5:46 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
Hi l2r,

I have read your post on my recovery journal and I am really thankful for the making me see another perspective on what I am trying to do. And I really get your point that it does not sound right. That it is really risky and maybe counter productive.

However, reflecting on what happened for the past 2 weeks, wherein I have no blockers installed on my mobile phone and my laptop, yes, honestly I relapsed the first time the blocker was removed, but right now, I am a week clean without the blocker in place. Instead of putting a blocker, I just leave my mobile phone downstairs whenever I go to sleep. Also, I avoid bringing my phone to my room, instead, I only use my phone whenever I am in the living room and with other people with me. That would be the same for my laptop.

These two things is a part of my values and I really don't want any tech gadget in my room. My room feel so much better now without any tech gadget in it. It feels new and I feel productive whenever I am in my room as I get to read the books that I plan to read. And whenever I am journalling about my life, there are no distractions that keep me from writing what I really feel and what I want for my life.

I don't still know if this will work as it is still early right now to have a final conclusion. But as I am reflecting right now, I think I wil push through with this decision. Right now, whenever I use my mobile phone, and walk near the stairs going to my room, I am building a habit of putting it in a table downstairs and immediately proceeds to do what I need to do upstairs. Right now, I don't feel the dual personality that happens whenever the blocker in my mobile phone is removed. I just go with my everyday life, forgetting that the blocker is removed (I think there was a cue in my mind whenever the blocker is removed and it is like freeing a locked up monkey, I hope this approach will work as I am not locking myself up, but I have full responsibility of what will happen)

Still, I am reminding myself of my goal, of instilling a habit in me to become more mindful of my use of my tech gadget instead of being too reliant with blockers. Checking in with my reason for this, it is not a reason for a relapse, but a reason to build self confidence and self control. Still, I will share feedback on what will happen on my journey for the next two weeks. Currently, I am rereading Urge Control part and looking for things where I may have missed.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2020 12:45 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
Checking In...

It was a long time since I posted in my recovery thread. I have been so busy with the startup business that we initiated with my siblings. It took a lot of my time. For the past three weeks, almost all of me was focused on the business as we had been overwhelmed by the orders we are accepting. For me, it was a success, in just the first week, we immediately returned the money that we had used to start the business.

I just want to thank l2r for the caution that he gave me about removing my blockers. I had returned it again just last week since I was really not sure about what I'm doing. And yesterday, I had this encounter that the blockers really helped me. I didn't expect how tired I was yesterday, and thoughts, urges where really strong. And I was like taken over by a different person that I was not aware of what I'm doing. I brought my phone upstairs and just went scrolling and just surfing the web, and I proceeded to search for explicit stuff. Luckily, and really really thankful for the advice of coach l2r, I had my blockers and I saved myself from a relapse.

Though, as I was rereading the lessons on Urge Control. This state of mind that I currently have, having urges means that I am not doing enough for my Health. I have not been spending time with my physical health much lately. I am overworking myself on things and I am not giving myself enough time to recharge.

I think, I may have need to refocus on my other values again. And I need to balance my time and rebuild on those foundations that I may have been missing such as my physical health, my social circle (socializing with people), my alone time, my meditations and re calibrating my life's vision. What I feel right now is not so meaningful, I'm like in the state of "so much pointless busy work". I also don't feel motivated to get up in the morning this past week. And I think that is a sign that I need to change something in my life. I will explore and reread my journal to know.

Still doing Weekly Monitoring and the Daily Three Values That I Need to Work on. But I think I'm hanging in a thread. And I need to ease things up for me not to snap.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2020 10:04 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 459
Hi Dan,

I am pleased that the blockers have helped you.

By way of an observation, everyone needs to work at their own pace and I do understand that you are trying to get a new business off the ground but having posted regularly as you worked through the workshop things seem to have ground to a bit of a halt recently. A common excuse that members use is that they simply do not have enough time to spend on RN but of course an SA can easily waste hours at a time pursuing their fix yet somehow those hours are not available when it is in pursuit of recovery!

It is your recovery and your choice but even being able to find half an hour a couple of times a week could make a big difference in keeping your momentum going. You do not have a lot of lessons left and it would be a shame to let things slide after all that hard work.

Good luck with it.

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L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2020 3:35 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
Stage 4: Health Maintenance
Lesson 62: Managing Relapse

Scenario #1: High Stress Environment (like the one that I am at right now due to the business).
What Will I Do:
The role of boundaries really will have an impact in this situation. I value other parts of my life. And they are part of my foundation. I will slowly balance out the situation and give time on other parts of my life. This lesson was really meant right now for me, I can see that other parts of my life where deteriorating. And I am not spending time for my exercises and food to eat (my time for exercise lessened to up to once per week which was really low compared to my average of 3 to 4 times of exercise a week before). I will set a time for the business things and orders, but also I will set time for myself and for physical exercise. Also, honestly, I haven’t yet reinforced other parts of my foundation, such as my family relationship, friends, alone time, talents and recreation. So it will be needed to make a plan and setting time for those areas of my life. Today, I will immediately take a break after 4 PM, and start working on those areas of my life. I will start with physical exercise.

Scenario #2: Repeating Cycle in my Routines. Something that makes me so bored or make me feel Less Motivated
What Will I Do:
First, I will have an awareness of this with my Weekly Monitoring in place. Signs to watch out for would be having a hard time waking up in the morning, difficulty sleeping, grumpy feeling.
Spend some time of or go somewhere happy. I have read this from the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People as an example, whenever we feel this kind of feeling, in order to renew our spirits, we need to go somewhere wherein we where deeply happy when we were children (maybe for me I will go to somewhere that has nature, or somewhere there is a beach, or if it is really not applicable, I will spend some time alone). And I will spend time there. First, listen (maybe to relax ourselves, just listen and don’t do anything). After that, I would check in with my motivation for why I am doing the things that I am currently doing. And then I will check in those areas where I may be afraid of, my worries, my problems, and I will let them go. This would be a good thing to do as I am visualizing it. Also, Go Out of Your Comfort Zone!

Scenario #3: Extraordinary Trauma (family breakdown, loss of members of my family, or extreme accident for me, which is I hope will not happen ☹)
What Will I Do:
I really hope this will not happen. But this event would be really extreme. And this would cause a great negative emotional intensity.
What I could do, would be really keep myself together. I would go to my closest friends and spend time with them. I would ask for help from them to keep me close for awhile as I will learn to cope up with the event. This event would be a big destruction of one of my foundations, and I will need to rebuild a part of that. Rebuilding would be to accept what happened, cry if I really need to, release all the emotions, have my true friends with me and share all that I can. Slowly, I will rebuild on the area of my life that needs rebuilding. Proactive plans will be set, and still having gratitude for different parts that are still present in my life.

Unlikely Situation to Experience A Relapse: Everything is Going Well, My Goals are Being Met. And a chance to watch explicit video comes up. (I don’t know what, maybe something that is highly enticing or what that I have not prepared for)
I think I will handle it, first, take a break, go out somewhere, stop anything, move, leave anything and make use of the opportunity before the behavior starts. Check in with my self, and close my eyes and listen to my core self. I think that would be enough, I would not let all the things that I have worked for, for a short burst of pleasure. This is what I want, and I will not trade it for something that is not part of my value system.

------------

Thank you Coack l2r. Yes, I definitely need to change something in my current situation. And this line "A common excuse that members use is that they simply do not have enough time to spend on RN but of course an SA can easily waste hours at a time pursuing their fix yet somehow those hours are not available when it is in pursuit of recovery!" really hit me. I am still here, learning about my life and not have recovered fully, and my I still need to focus on my recovery. Thank you. You have been like a father to me in this journey.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Mon Sep 14, 2020 3:00 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
Stage 4: Health Maintenance
Lesson 63: Health Monitoring IV

Yes. The things that I monitor in my Weekly Monitoring is really a part of my value system. Most of them consist of my family, my self improvement, my goal of financial independence, physical health and nutrition and my studies. Though, halted for a little while as I had awareness of my monitoring, building my social interaction with those people the same as my age halted. And also my friends. Which I need to rebuild and continue building.

Adquate. But can still be improved. Such as on those instances where I don't feel so motivated to do things that are part of what I want for my life. But as the saying quote tells us, "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily." So yeah, I'm adding a short amount of time on my morning and evening routine to recheck my motivation. And I have been doing it for the past days and I always feel grounded and focused on the things that I want to spend my time with.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2020 6:59 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
Stage V: Health Maintenance
Lesson 64: Transitioning to Health

There had been a lot of changes since I started this recovery journey. My life before this workshop was really a mess. There was no planning. There were no values (or maybe I was not aware of them). Almost all of my decisions was based on the current emotion that I am experiencing. Such an example was building the habit of exercising, back then, when I feel strong or in an angry mood, I would go for a work out to release my emotion. Compared to what I do now, I exercise for my physical health and I am more relaxed. Just the plain concept of values and vision was not in me back then, and I really put in effort to learn my values in life and have planning in place. Though, I know, I still have so much to learn with proactive planning and making my plans into action.

The skills I need to develop more would be on expanding my proactive planning (evolving more, it is a continuous process of learning). Also, I would like to put focus on my urge control skills and ingraining a pattern of breaking the behavior as soon as the first elements starts to lessen the chances of a relapse.

Addiction was really a way for me to cope up with the stresses of life. Back when I was in grade school, my parents was very strict in terms of my studies and have really molded me to become a person who really gives importance to my studies (I think it was the only value that I was holding onto). I was coping in the dark back then to learn how to court a woman, or to share myself with my friends, or to learn my talents, or to have a time to enjoy for myself. As I entered puberty, and I learn about masturbating and pornography (with only my emotions guiding me to make decisions) I was enticed and have depended more on my compulsive behavior. I didn’t know that I was really being dragged into a hole that is very hard to get out into. I graduated college with this kind of lifestyle, removing all the problems in my life with my compulsive behavior.

In terms of my transition to health. I am still in the process of continuing to build my foundations and also further learning to act upon my urges instead of reacting to them. Honestly, I still struggle, and whenever I experience a relapse, it would be so devastating to me and causes me to feel so bad. Relapses, really shake me. I feel that it destroys my efforts toward health and destroys the foundations that I built.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2020 5:39 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4020
Location: UK
Hi Dan
congratulations on your journey thus far and on your status change to mentor
I am sure that helping others will help you, it certainly provided me with insights that I may never have seen on my own

you are joining a good team

take your time
remember to continue your own journey, you do deserve to become the best that you can be

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2020 1:26 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 262
Hi Dan,

Would like to add my congratulations to your becoming a mentor, well done!

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2020 1:14 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
Thank you, Coach Kenzo and Coach Theseus!

I am so glad to be part of Recovery Nation. The lessons were really helpful to me and being able to help other people would be a great way of sharing my appreciation for the people in this forum and the people who made it possible for this workshop to come the way it is. Also, I also want to remind myself constantly the real reason behind recovery (having a life that is supported by my chosen values and not only abstinence), and by being a mentor, it would be a great way for me to review on those important parts that I may have forgotten.

Right now, I am the Lesson "Life After Addiction/ Life After Recovery". It seems there were so many things that I wanted more out of my current life right now and I am taking the time to really input it in the exercise and feel what it is like to be who I wanted to be in the future.

I am not experiencing any relapses right now. And I do hope this will continue as I continue to make the right choices by becoming aware of my urges and my ritual and making the right choices based on my values. Also, I am developing my values, using my weekly monitoring to make plans for the upcoming week, on where to focus my energy and on what values to focus on. Slowly, I can really see improvements. And I think, I am in the right path in building the life that I really wanted to have.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2020 9:47 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
Stage V: Health Maintenance
Lesson 65: Life After Addiction

a. My Life After Addiction / Life After Recovery

As I wake up early in the morning, I would feel the sweet sensation of the sun in my skin passing through the windows. I would feel energized and refreshed for the upcoming day. Getting up from my bed, fixing the pillows and blankets, I would slightly stretch my whole body to warm my self up. If I wanted to, I would further stretch my body to ease up the tight muscles that may have caused by the cold comfort of the night. Then, I would continue in the bathroom, doing my usual morning routine of taking care of myself with tenderness and ease. I would dress myself up for the upcoming day and proceed to my morning meditations.
For my breakfast (premade by myself or from a local cheap restaurant that is near where I am staying at the moment), I would eat the needed amount of food for my body’s nutrition, with the right amount of carbs, protein and fat. And also some fruits or vegetables for my micronutrients. Whatever the case, even if I am away from my family or away from my friends, I will find a way to enjoy and be thankful for the first meal of my day.

As I head to my work, or to my school to further my study, I would be walking or driving with excitement for what may happen for the day. As I enter the establishment with a warm smile, I would greet people (acquaintances, friends, staffs, professors or bosses) and if the time permits, I would have some short chit chat with them.
Going to the field that I will be assigned to, I will give my best in whatever is asked out of me. Whether at school or in my work. I will try to learn the most efficient way to do the assigned task. I know, that my career would have its fair share of stresses in my life, but I can balance it well with my friends by sharing our feelings, laughs, pain and tears with each other. Also, my career would have meaning of what I want out of life. It is not only to make money, but also to serve my society. Sharing my breath of life with the people that are really in need and making things easier for them.

As I spend time on my career for the day, I will pursue being calm and sensible with what I do on the moment. Off course, this is idealistic and there will be times were I will be off with the things that I do but I will continue to improve on myself as the moment of my life continues.
In the afternoon, I will spend about half an hour to an hour in the gym. I would enjoy lifting weights with the people around me and with the friends that I have gained. I would be sharing myself with them, having laughs, sharing true feelings and listening to them. And after the gym session, I would be together with my friends, eating somewhere healthy or a meal that we had prepared for ourselves.

If there is a need for an overtime or a project needed to be finished, I would limit myself working until 10 PM to 11 PM. The reason for this is for me to have quality sleep and rest for the upcoming day. However, if it is really necessary, I would stay later in the night and be thankful that I have people around me doing the same thing.

During weekends, I would still wake up early. I would be excited for the things that I would do for my renewal. I would be doing grocery for my nutrition and cook meals for the upcoming week. I would be rotating meals that I have learned for me not to become desensitized with the taste.

I would also be spending time with friends, doing things that we would enjoy such as shopping for necessary items, going for adventures, spending time in nature, watching movies, spending time in the barber, grooming ourselves and other relaxing stuff. The money that I would be spending here would be on a budget and I would be still wise on where my money goes.
Also, I would also want to spend time on a mini business, that I can balanced with my current career. Another source of income would be great, and would be helpful for my savings. Right now, I still need to learn more on how to grow our business with my siblings.

Every week, it would be also helpful to do weekly monitoring, on where am I really on my life, and what areas of my life am I working on. Weekly monitoring is really a great tool in this journey.

If the time and budget allows, I would be willing to spend some of my savings travelling outside the country (about once a year would be great). This travel would be used not only for leisure, but also for my learnings in life. Learning about new trends (possible business ideas), learning cultures, and for my recreation. I would be with my family if they wanted to go, and I would really want to invite my younger siblings with me when the time comes. Off course, right now, as for my budget, it would be more realistic to travel some parts of the country first, and that would also be great. I would want to travel alone (for peace and clarity, learning more about myself) and travelling with friends for leisure and enjoyment.

For my spiritual side, I would want to learn more about God. And I want to incorporate great teaching coming for different cultures. I think, each one have great teachings that when applied in our lives, would provide great impact and clarity on what living in this world truly means. First, I would want go back with a Christian church, but I would be more bold this time in asking questions for the sake of learning. I would be more careful with the teachings and ask if there is a lesson that I disagree with.

For my family, I would be giving my best to share what I really want. Specially with my parents. I value physical health and nutrition and I want to share wat I am working on with them. Also, I would want to slowly repair the problems we had back then. But off course I need to work on myself first and learn more about my values and boundaries before I share things with them. I would want to be accepted for my values and for who I am. And do things that I really want for my life and proving that I can achieve things that I want and stop being too dependent on what they want for me.

c.
I think, my vision from lesson 2 was more general compared to the one that I have right now. As I continue this journey, I get to learn more about myself and visualize more on what I want out of my life. I think this vision is not yet final and I have more things to learn. And I know I am still learning . But I am clear that I do have a path that I want to take for my life.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2020 7:38 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
I just felt being vulnerable for the first time in a very long time...

It was so humbling. The feeling of being vulnerable. I've been seeing this friend for a while now. I was constantly seeing her since we decided to have a membership in the same gym. As I have shared from my previous posts in the past, my relationships with women were just stuck between the attraction phase and the heat of the moment. However, earlier today, I just felt intimate for the first time for a very long time. This emotion was like a new thing to me. As we were sharing things with each other, she made me hold her hands and I just felt care. Even if this type of relationship maybe just in a friendly manner, I am just happy to feel like this again.

At first, I was very upset with myself. I didn't like that feeling. I can't be vulnerable. I don't want people to see my weaknesses. But as I contemplated. I asked myself, is this what I really think of myself? Am I perfect? Can I do it all by myself? And I realized, that feeling vulnerable was just a normal human emotion. It is what makes us human. It is who we are. And we are not perfect.

I don't really think the relationship that I have right now with this woman would become a romantic relationship, and actually I want to become a good friend to her. Also I don't want to enter in a romantic relationship at the current situation of my life. I have so much to learn about sharing myself with friends and family. And I just felt that I wanted more to share with the people that I trust in my life.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2020 6:15 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
Stage V: Health Maintenance
Lesson 66: Relapse Triggers vs. Relapse Opportunities

a.)
What I can remember was I see being alone as a relapse trigger back then. But right now, I can confidently feel confident even if I'm alone. As I realized that being alone makes me feel more of the ongoing emotions that I am really feeling. Instead of running away from them or suppressing them, I feel so much better being in tune with my real emotions. Even if I experience negative emotions, I sometimes smile as I am grateful to feel them now instead of suppressing them back then.

b.)
Sensual Image in Social Media
- Accept the urge that would build up, but would also decide to unfollow the post or page that promoted the post. Since this kind of things is not a part of my value system anymore. And I value connecting with real woman instead of pixels in the screen. And I know woman don't just undress or share their body just like that in real life. This will change my perspective and continue building my value in respecting and really connecting with woman in real life.

Super Stressed in the Current Moment
- I can shift my perspective that I need to take a break for myself and strengthen my value of taking care of myself more. Back then, I was so focused on producing work, but I realized that to function efficiently, I need to spend time for recreation and releasing my built up emotions.

Taking in Alcohol
- I can't avoid this. I sometimes need to take in alcohol for socializing. And only during necessary times and celebrations. Instead of looking this as my point of weakness. I can see myself drinking responsibly instead. Counting on the bottles or shots that I had drunk and knowing my limits. Only drink alcohol when needed and not as a way of releasing my emotions.

Family Problems
- Every family experiences problems. And this is a good opportunity to learn more on the ways and personalities of my family members like my parents and siblings. I can use this as an opportunity to understant them, and put myself into their shoes. To share my empathy toward my family members instead of living them alone and not asking how they are.

Internet Porn Link
- Would accept the urge to click the link. But I think I am already ingraining myself that I always have the choice whether to click it or not. It is not a part of my values system and I would not continue in proceeding with opening the link. This will lead to my confidence in decision making that I made the right choice.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2020 8:28 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
A Month Full of Different Experiences...

It feels satisfying. It feels liberating. It provides a sense of inner peace. Knowing that you are making choices based in your value system. I’ve hit a milestone in my journey. I’ve been more than a month free from Pornography, and it feels worth it.
The months of hard work, and slowly building my habits such as meditating, exercising, taking care of my nutrition, journaling, learning the lessons in recovery nation and reading books have been paying off. From the failures and sadness that I was feeling back then from my relapses, and the negative thinking that I was experiencing, finally, I was able to reach this milestone in my journey.

This month was full of different experiences. Specially in terms of my social circle and reconnecting with my friends. I think this is a great value that I should be continued to be built. And I should connect more with people that I have the same interests with. I can’t contain the gratifying emotion as I was talking to my old friends. As I was reconnecting with them with who I really am. Without lies and less filter with what I am telling. I am really sharing my true self with people, and this was a big step for me.
Though, off course I also want to share some things that I am still unsure of. Right now, I am getting to know a woman that I am seeing lately. I know, I am attracted to her physically, but I don’t know if I want to get into a relationship with her. I am thinking of getting to know more of my sexual values (continue building them) and knowing my wants and boundaries when having a romantic relationship. But for me, I think it would be better to take things slowly, as I am still rewiring myself for real life relationships (true relationships, intimacy and true connection), instead of pixels in the screen.

What I really learned is that, the one month of being free from Pornography will not just pass. You will literally need to make effort on building things. Building the life that you really wanted. Spending time on things that matters (values). And having balance on different areas of your life (foundation). And I will be building more on my foundations, strengthening them and building more pillars that will support my life.

Just plainly, I am really happy and satisfied with the one month milestone. And also, I know that this is just the beginning, I have so much more things that I want for my life. Better not to let my guard down but continue with the momentum of things in my life. I will keep going.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Wed Oct 21, 2020 7:49 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4020
Location: UK
Hi Dan
Quote:
I think, my vision from lesson 2 was more general compared to the one that I have right now. As I continue this journey, I get to learn more about myself and visualize more on what I want out of my life.


that my friend is growth, recovery, maturity
mentoring will add further insight and impetus
well done you

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, 2020 7:38 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 95
We All Make Mistakes...
And Sometimes Life Hits Us Hard...

No, I did not relapse. This mistake was different. This mistake is about my current life.
Last week, I accidentally bumped the car that my father is lending me. I always use this car for errands and for bringing family members to destinations that they need to go to.
The bump was really serious, it took off the bumper skirt that my father had added as a way to make the car look more aesthetic. And I was scolded real hard. But I took it in and managed to let it be. I accepted the consequences of the mistake that I have done.
But...
Last Tuesday this week, another incident happened to me. The car was hit by something (maybe a stone) that made a big dent. I didn't know what happened. But I heard the knocking sound as it was hit by the thing that hit it. Again, I was scolded real hard.
And then...
Last Wednesday, as I was driving from the gasoline station. A sharp object flies through the front of the car (I think it was a small piece of GI sheet that was carried through in the air), and made a mark in front of the car, reaping off a small piece of paint that needs again to be repaired. Though this time, my father still does not know about this, I feel that I will again face his wrath from the incident.

These incidents made me feel so bad. From Wednesday, up until some moments earlier today, I was really down. I didn't know how to handle this situation. I felt that all of this was my fault, but I have concluded that this was circumstances that I need to face in my life. Thankfully, I felt much better as I went to the gym this afternoon. I felt a good sense of release from my thoughts. I felt urges, but I told myself, that going back to my compulsive behavior was not an option. Just sharing...

------

Thank you coach Kenzo for the reply. Yes, I will put time into becoming a mentor to further my recovery and to help others. And as I've said, my progress was slightly halted by the incidents that happened.

Sigh, yeah, really, sometimes, life hits hard. It is not always upward progress, but we have to face the problems that life throws to us, not run from them (or use compulsive behavior to mask the problems). Deal with the problems and learn from our mistakes.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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