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PostPosted: Sun Mar 01, 2020 2:30 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: UK
LC
Quote:
I do think making a commitment to be honest is key.


perhaps making a commitment to yourself and your recovery should also become a priority
it has been a while :pe: :pe: :pe: :pe:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:25 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2019 10:26 pm
Posts: 42
It has been a while but I am back. So much has happened since my last time logging in here.

I spent the past months ago unraveling a lot of old chapters in my life. I realized that I had really, for a very long, had chosen dishonesty as a way to get out of trouble. Almost as a way of life. And while I've been intentionally choosing differently in the past two years, I had never really ever gotten to a place of completely giving up dishonesty as an option no matter the circumstances. So over the past few months, I've made a much bigger leap towards embracing honesty at all costs. It is still not easy this new path. It feels almost scary to experience what it is like to live without the coverup of a small lie or an excuse, but I feel that I am growing a lot as a result.

In terms of sexual health, I have continued being on an honest and intentional path. I've wondered back and forth however into porn over the months. Some times I'd be convinced that it is not hurting me since I've gotten a lot more self-trust and self-control around my sexual boundaries. However, I am reaching a place again on this where while I realize it won't necessarily be harmful to anyone, to my own mind, it brings some harm. The harm I see is akin to someone who knows that sugar is their sweet spot. It is not that they are overweight, or that they might start and never stop eating sugar. It is more like they know that they'd indulge, and that, after doing so, whether they like it or not, they don't feel as great. This is what porn is to me. I've gone back and forth on whether or not my brain is "addicted" to it. After all, I think It does have a strong pull to it and where it may not be for some people, it is for me. I say all of this knowing that I really can't buy a view that porn is the most terrible thing on earth, or that it is the same as engaging in sexual activity outside one's own personal values or boundaries. I do think that I am in the business of making myself a better human being, and my mind could only benefit from directing itself towards activities that leaves it feeling positive.

So I am back here. Slowly going to re-do some of the old lessons. And then continue making my way through more. I am glad to feel like while I've been away, I have still be on the journey of personal health, and hopeful that I can continue dedicating myself to that in a more serious manner.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2020 3:19 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2019 10:26 pm
Posts: 42
It's been quite the two months. So much has happened. My long-term partnership ended. It ended because despite all the work we put in, my partner and I could never recover from what I had done. We were still having a lot of issues despite much therapy on both of our sides. Trust sometimes doesn't come back. There hasn't been any violation of trust on my part since I've taken this adrous recovery path 2.5 years ago. I've been filled with a lot of emotions but been mostly dealing with in a healthy way.

I am doing a lot of work on myself at the moment. While haven't posted here, I've been taking intentional time off from viewing any porn as I had mentioned last. While it didn't take much of my time before as I'd watch occasionally or for a brief time, I am trying to fill the time with healthy stimulation that aligns with my value. in the future, if I decide to watch porn, I'd like to only watch from sources that are artistic, and support independent artists rather than fuel the awful porn industry, which is a much more value based decision.

I am working through reviewing past workshops I've completed, and once I've done that, I will start with new content.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2020 5:32 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2019 10:26 pm
Posts: 42
Today I reviewed and reabsorbed the first two lessons. It is nice to re-read the concept and see even more depth in them than I did the first time.

Some thoughts about laying the foundation for permeant change:
* one of the key ideas that stood out to me the first time and again is the distinction that addiction or any behavior isn't really the true deficiency that one has. Rather it is a symptom. The deficiency is in the ability to manage one's life maturely. This really speaks to me, because in a way, these behaviors, no matter how small, rose out of a need and a lack of something but not knowing how to manage what else was going on. For me, I remember the first time I began using deception and fantasy as a way to escape my life. It was the only way I could survive where I lived, and so I was managing repression, and an internal need to be authentic and to have my life mean more, but in a world where I had very limited options. As a teenager, that was an acceptable, while not optimal strategy. Later on however, these patterns were set in stone. It became easier to escape to fantasy or sexual stimulation/deception when life is too overwhelming or my needs aren't met. I had no idea how to meet my personal needs, and so of course, these patterns will show up in these times.

* Another thought is about active vs passive recovery. I really like this. Active recovery is about being in the driver seat and knowing the answers aren't gonna come from the outside. They are all within. No one else cares what you really end up with in life after all - it's just you there. Living it. having a roadmap is key though, and this is where the content of this workshop is really valuable because it shines a light on a frameowork to take charge of one's life

The second lesson is all about the important of a vision in life
* Couple of things that still standout. 1) We as humans reject our mortality and by doing so, it is easy to bring inaction to life. Because we assume that there is no end in sight. It's like having a test but thinking it will never happen. Why would you take what you need to do seriously? Religious people think of life as a test. Those of us without religion lack the abiltity to find a way to think of our mortality and move to action. Not saying religion is the answer - many still do wrong despite religion. It's just that we need more ways to reckon with our mortality. With the lack of time we have, and the need to choose. I love the idea that lack of having a vision is essentially refusing to choose and refusing to accept that mortality and the limited amount of time we have. We can't do everything. This is an area I struggle with deeply. I want to do everything, and I have trouble limiting myself. I am sort of the open options kind of person, and that has been to my detrement. At some point, I have to accept that I gotta hang my hat in some places, and doors will close while the ones I want will open. This is where the vision is really important. It is a force to decide what kind of life do I really want to live? What do I want to take out because it's not aligning with my vision?

So now that I reviewed those two. I am going to try to draft some thoughts on my vision again, and compare it to what I had about a year ago. I suspect it's still fairly similar, but I think this will be helpful for me to do.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 12:47 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Oct 04, 2019 3:29 pm
Posts: 122
lastingchange wrote:
* Another thought is about active vs passive recovery. I really like this. Active recovery is about being in the driver seat and knowing the answers aren't gonna come from the outside. They are all within. No one else cares what you really end up with in life after all - it's just you there. Living it. having a roadmap is key though, and this is where the content of this workshop is really valuable because it shines a light on a frameowork to take charge of one's life

So now that I reviewed those two. I am going to try to draft some thoughts on my vision again, and compare it to what I had about a year ago. I suspect it's still fairly similar, but I think this will be helpful for me to do.


Hi Lasting Change

Well done on coming back to the workshop and re-engaging. I'm going back through the workshop for the second time and finding that I'm getting even more insight this time round.

I liked your emphasis on taking an active approach to recovery, although I wonder if an even better way of thinking is an active approach to a health based lifestyle. For so many years I called myself "a recovering sex addict", desperately trying to convince myself that just because I said so then it was true! Actually, looking back, I was still labelling myself in terms of addiction - whether active or recovering.

I hope your work on drafting your renewed vision is going well and bearing fruit for you, and that you find a real breakthrough on your journey back through the workshop.

Stay safe.

Tim


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