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 Post subject: Life change
PostPosted: Wed Aug 21, 2019 3:14 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
I want to permanently change my life because:

1. I want to be the honest trustworthy Christian man I think about being.
2. I want to be the husband my wife deserves- openly honest, selfless and caring for her spiritually and physical well being. To truly “love her like Christ loves the church “. To give her as much as I can as long as it doesn’t have negative effects on her, our relationship or our kids. To help her with any struggles she may be holding on to. For her to be happy-with or without me.
3. I want to be the positive example to my children that would encourage them to do likewise...& pass on to their children.
4. I’d like to not feel guilty or ashamed talking to friends/family or other Christians about spiritual things. To be authentic.
5. I’d like to be able to help others that struggle with addiction or with life in general when I’m recovered.
6. I’d like to live where my pride is healthy for me and others.
7. I want to feel unashamed of who I am or Christ in me.
8. I want to be there for my brothers and sisters openly and honestly to help in any way That Christ leads me.
9. I would like My wife and our children to have the peace of mind and heart they deserve.
10. I’d love to not worry about hiding things or deceiving- to be courageously honest with myself, God and others.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2019 1:39 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 130
Hi again Covenant,

A quick tip for you is too try and use one thread for your whole workshop, that way it is easier for us to follow.
You just need to use the "post reply" key.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
Will do, and thank you for all your help.
My life vision:
To live each day from here on out as selfless and honorably as I can. To be the honest, trustworthy and caring husband Laura deserves. To have her know what it feels like that nothing is in the way of my love for her., every day. To live as an example to others that they can turn their life around for the better and seek opportunities to help them . To leave behind a legacy that my children and grandchildren and others can be proud of and want to have, minus the addiction.
Pursued values:
(Does this reflect the person I am committed to becoming)
1. Being Honest consistently 1
2. Authenticity 4
3. Integrity 34
4. Welcoming Vulnerability 32
5. Compassion 33
6. Living fearless daily 35
7. Respect for myself and others 3
8. Strengthening my love for my wife 6
9. Devoting my life to Jesus Christ 2
10. Strengthening my role as a husband and father. 31
11. Devoting more time with Laura and our marriage 7
12. Deepening my relationship with Lindsey and Casey 8
13. Sharing time and life lessons with Lindsey and Casey 36
14. Being a faithful friend 30
15. Being fearless to share Christ with others 37
16. Being fearless to forgive others 29
17. To be cognizant and ready when pride starts up in me or others 38
18. Being thankful to Christ for each milestone I make 9
19. Serve others out of love 39
20. To give money responsibly but eagerly 77
21. To show consideration lovingly 40
22. Be passionate about pleasing Jesus. 5
23. Be an encouragement 28
24. Help others to laugh 68
25. Be there others in their time of need 75
26. Taking care of myself 27
27. Be a better listener 41
28. Reflect more on the times where God delivered me 42
29. Devote more time in meditative prayer and reading of scripture 43
30. Develop emotional maturity 44
31. Be kind 26
32. Assertive 45
33. Develop financial freedom 75
34. Help others struggling financially by giving anonymously 76
35. To be better understood 67
36. Sound prioritization 46
37. Seek God’s guidance daily 47
38. Being happy and content 69
39. Having a solid group of Friends 65
40. Be active physically 66
41. Challenge my mind 74
42. Be tolerant of others 48
43. Respect and appreciate differing opinions 25
44. Help my children with their kids so they can have quality time 49
45. Use compassionate situational awareness 23
46. Be less likely to anger and more likely show love 22
47. Putting others needs before mine 24
48. Be proactive in planning 21
49. Perform a self inventory regularly 50
50. Make a plan and adjust behavior conducive for better living 64
51. To feel attractive 92
52. Being funny 70
53. Being witty 89
54. Being sarcastic 96
55. Power 90
56. Control 91
57. Being manly 78
58. Being in oneness with God in my relationship with Laura 10
59. Feeling desirable 79
60. Sexual intimacy 80
61. Feelings better than others
62. Accomplishing projects 71
63. Building thing81
64. Feeling important 85
65. Being risky 93
66. Being adventurous 82
67. Friendships 63
68. Learning new ways to improve my self 20
69. Helping others from my mistakes 51
70. Other people being honest 62
71. Encouragement from others vulnerability 19
72. Hope from others accomplishments through hard times (perseverance)72
73. Resilience 55
74. Desire 52
75. Discipline 53
76. Determination 54
77. Accountability 11
78. Talking deep with my wife and kids 61
79. Watching my children prosper on their own. 60
80. Fidelity 13
81. Purity 12
82. Beauty 88
83. Elusiveness 95
84. Being Competitive 86
85. Tuff love 59
86. Merciful love 18
87. Boredom 97
88. No options 98
89. Few options 87
90. Intrigue 84
91. God’s Grace 56
92. God’s persistence 57
93. Some God’s logic that I can understand (tie # 5)
94. His blessings 17
95. His life lessons 58
96. His will 14
97. Carrying out His will 15
98. Being loved by Him regardless of what I’ve done-good or bad (tie at 1)
99. Being frustrated when I fall short of His will 73
100. Seeking the truth 10


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2019 6:14 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3815
Location: UK
Hello C
your vision for your life, in three lines????????????

all good things as family and relationships are extremely important but what about the many other things that could be included?
perhaps
health, hobbies, security, happiness, religion, fun, fitness,
also a few how's why's and when's can be useful

coach Mel wrote a "how to " for preparing a vision, it can be found in this forum
perhaps have a read and consider adding to your vision

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2019 4:04 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
Yep that’s on me, not paying attention to detail. Ty for holding me to the fire.
Better healthy living would probably allow longer life/time spent with family and others and starts with healthier food choices and regular exercise, daily. Being situationally aware & Not falling for negative peer pressure and standing my ground in all situations as best I can. Routinely plan dates with my wife or kidsto go do physical fun activities : fishing, racquet ball, hiking and have back up plan if someone bails. In doing so, have only the goal of deepening my relationship with them. Read regularly and be intentional on continued fatherhood and eventual grandfatherhood (hopefully one day... but not too soon!) , develop good
relationships with Christian men who will help mentor and develop my character and hold me accountable. I’m unsure if I wanna retire. I want to obtain a certification that would allow me to work remotely. This would open a window to work from different state parks possibly with my wife. As my children move from college I want to get passionate and work with my wife to get out of debt so we can have the opportunities to help others.
Help expand our men’s ministry at church to reach out to lost men/fathers and also reach down to younger married/divorced men and encourage them to be the best husbands and fathers they can be.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:21 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
Top 15 values:
1. Authenticity
2. Seeking truth/being honest
3. Strengthening my relationship/devotion and love with Laura,our marriage and our kids.
4. Accountability/fidelity
5. Being obedient to Christ
6. Respect for myself and others
7. Purity of thoughts and actions
8. Desire Determination Discipline
9. Integrity
10. Tough love
11. Being thankful to Christ for loving me despite my sins
12. Sexual intimacy
13. Forgiveness. Giving and receiving
14. Being assertive
15. Be unashamed of who I am and God whom I serve.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:55 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
Action plans: Being an encouragement to my disciple group brothers
1. actively listen
2. Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues in conversation that May show they need encouragement
3. Be mindful of my own selfish gain in conversation and refrain from prideful behaviors (get out of the habit of thinking about what I want to say instead of listening to them)
4. Text or call and show appreciation for their friendship and valued input regularly spontaneously
5. Pray with/for them individually and in our group.
6. Genuinely Thank them for holding holding me accountable
7. Don’t expect anything in return
8. Be vulnerable in front of them.
9. Reiterate the value and importance of how studying daily and meeting each week has an impact on our lives and relationship with Christ.
10. Demonstrate authentic forgiveness


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Mon Sep 09, 2019 3:17 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
Develop a stronger bond with Christ.
1. Understand that Christ’s love is beyond understanding and He knows where I fall short Yet forgives and loves me. I need to know this 100%. Look at examples of others who He loves despite their sins.
2. Realize He wants me out of this bondage more than I do. How bad do I want out? Relate to biblical examples.
3. Inventory my faith and trust in Him & ask “ am I seeking what He would deem as appropriate to think/do? “ “Am I seeking selfish gain from the relationship or seeking to appreciate, respect and serve in it?” Am I praying His blessings to me or for His blessings to work through me? “Am I taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ ?”
4. Am I intentional, authentic, and detailed in my daily prayer life to Christ? I may have times where I am lazy or distracted in the relationship , but it’s on me to recognize it and move forward.

Strengthen my relationship with Laura as a husband

1. Honesty- I must be open and truthful with her. No lying no secrets
2. Express my emotions openly but thoughtfully and with respect
3. Let go of fear of being judged or feeling vulnerable
4. Initiate heartfelt conversations/dialogue with Laura daily
5. Look for signs of Laura’s frustrations and don’t draw or force myself into it
6. Be ever watchful of my building frustrations and go to my action plans if needed
7. Respond to Laura with more than one or two word answers
8. Be a patient listener and look for cues or ask if she just wants to vent
9. If I am incapable of communicating with Laura I must let her know- politely and respectfully
10. Engage in more productive dialogue with Laura during the day with text or phone call
11. Plan regular time of prayer with her
12. Be open with Laura about my spiritual health/ relationship with Christ & support her time and devotion as well.
13. Plan regular time together for just her and I. Walk at park. Hiking. Fishing. Etc.
14. discuss ideas/plans regarding ss lesson
15. Verbalize my appreciation to her everyday


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Wed Sep 18, 2019 5:09 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
Respect for myself and others

1. Know my negative tendencies and weakness’s as well as thoughtfulness and strengths
2. Recognize how easy or difficult it is to get myself in trouble and what motivates me to do good for myself and others
3. Take account what gets me down or feeling isolated. What gets me feeling great and active
4. Understand and appreciate that I can only do life well with Jesus Christ and relying on His will and me being obedient.
5. Have empathy for others, that they may have difficulty in life I need to consider
6. Be open and honest with Laura and my family/D-group
7. Be open and honest with my accountability partner.

Authenticity

1. Know the difference between authenticity and acceptance and utilize situational awareness to distinguish between them daily.
2. Deny self ambition to impress others
3. No lying, exaggerating or conflating especially in conversation
4. Understand people should accept me for who I am but may not
5. Practice being the same person I am in church that I’m at work and home
6. Share life with others honestly
7. Network with folks that are like minded and more wise

Accountability
1. Be self aware of triggers daily (tv, internet/YouTube,etc
2. Be aware of boredom/loneliness and have a plan:exercise, work on projects, read ahead on Sunday school lesson, D group lesson...call accountability partner and seek help.
3. Pray the Holy Spirit to work through me to “take captive every thought & make it obedient to Christ “
4. Be honest/truthful with all my D group / accountability partner
5. Be honest with Laura.


Seeking truth/being honest
1. Research/identify moments to be untruthful and exercise restraint
2. Question does the”moment have opportunity for selfish gain/pride if I lie.
3. question why I’m trying to hide the truth ? Fear? Of what?
4. Don’t delay in speaking the truth despite my fears
5. Don’t feed or lead a lie
6. Seek to honor God and my family by being truthful and honest daily

Taking care of myself spiritually, emotionally and physically
1. Spending more time away from tv and internet
2. Reflecting more on the blessings and milestones of my life
3. Inventory my life spiritually, emotionally and physically and review positives/negatives daily/weekly.
4. Measure the improvements. Question if I’m further along in these areas than I was yesterday
5. Practice golf after work and with Casey as much as possible or with Paul/Bruce. Play weekly at Christian golf/golden eagle
6. Take brakes at work and walk, use stairs
7. Plan devotions with Laura
8. Research coping strategies for times I’m vulnerable
9. Read/study scripture
10. Plan more time for praying/ meditating to God. Set alarm clock earlier. Go to bed earlier to pray especially with Laura.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Wed Sep 18, 2019 2:41 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3815
Location: UK
Hi LC

:g: :g: :g: :g:

Quote:
Be ever watchful of my building frustrations and go to my action plans if needed


might be better as
Be ever watchful of my building frustrations and go to my action plans, values and boundaries, if needed

just a thought
keep going it is the only way

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Wed Sep 18, 2019 3:18 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
Thanks coach Kenzie, I needed that.


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2019 3:29 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
II. I choose not to deceive
III. N/a
IV. No stash. I currently have a vpn “covenant eyes “ and a pastor as an accountability partner. But still have urges when viewing advertisers/information that has women dressed suggestive.
V. Sex out of wedlock in the past. Mostly visualization of celebrities/risqué movies or t.v and fantasizing.
VI. Use to go to porn sites, risqué movies or suggestive tv shows. Fantasize about friends or acquaintances. I believe now, I still see women that would normally trigger me to compulsively fantasize about later, but bible scriptures have helped keep me in check ( “ take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ “) and consciously not taking the thoughts further to fantasy. Along with reading more good value/accountability based books (“growing up”, “ 12 rules for life “ and “foundations “), have been replacing some behaviors


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 Post subject: Re: Life change
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2019 8:10 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:12 pm
Posts: 11
Daily monitoring lesson
1. Yes. Upon waking I prayed to God for the Holy Spirit to work through my heart, mind , eyes and soul throughout the day, to be mindful/cautious of a prideful heart and to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. I prayed for my marriage and that we would seek to honor Christ with our marriage.
2. No compulsive behavior that I can think of. I have over the past three or four weeks cut down on the amount of tv I watch and notice that when I get frustrated I withdraw to the tv. I’ve been replacing that behavior with a bike ride or working on Disciple group /Sunday school material.
3. I mentioned how are lives have been pretty busy recently and planned a date night for us.
4. Actively listened about her concerns at work and the funeral she attended. Shared my appreciation for the dinner she made and went to walk the dogs with her.
5. Yes. I let her know my frustrations of the day. No secrets
6. Both at dinner- 20 min talking about church college retreat. Son 5-10 min about his day, work and girlfriend. Daughter 5 minutes about nursing school and work.
7. None
8. Yes. Bike ride. Changed headlamp in my car. Folded clothes to help wife.
9. Gave both kids a hug. Told them I love them before they went to bed. Told my wife I would like more time with her, again planned a date night for tomorrow
10. Continually looking for ways to grow emotionally mature (ways to cope with frustration) and deeper spiritually through intentional authentic prayer.
11. A little rocky, anxious about not putting enough time into RN and my disciple group. Focused on re-reading others example plans and committing to mine. Having a consistent daily plan


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