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PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2020 7:21 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: UK
Hello Ed
Quote:
Relapsed in the past week... several times. i dont know where to start
.

Oh I think that you do but
Quote:
I am making the choices in my own life.

you are not happy with the consequences of your choices

so why?



Quote:
Given the resources and the amount of knowledge and experience I had from this workshop,


The theory is only theory unless you put it into practice

you need to choose wether you really want to change and then action that choice
will it be easy?
No
will you be better for it ?
Yes
your call

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Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2020 6:30 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2020 6:13 am
Posts: 73
Thank you coach kenzo.

my call is to get rid of my porn problem; a sexual addiction, a cancer. and to recover. I took a few days to "settle" with my call and make sure im back on track before returning to my workshop lessons.

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"Feelings [and emotions] are indicators, not dictators."


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2020 7:38 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2020 6:13 am
Posts: 73
event with opinionss
Reaction: Felt offended, my reaction was impulsive: to prove a point, regardless of their feelings
values involved: integrity and pride, connection, judgement
effectiveness here: effective, worked as intended. except my intention was bad so not really, because i made the choices that i wouldn't have, if it weren't for my pride saying "the nerves of this person! show them."
new boundaries: Don't do what you dont want people to do/say to you.

with my compulsive behaviours so far i have not relapsed, though i will say i 'slipped' when i accidentally saw an arousing post i kept scrolling for a short while. I was caught offguard did not anticipate it, and though my urge control managed to keep me away from getting off or going to watch porn, being aware on the spot and making the right choice in the first place would be much more effective in the future. solution: create the break sooner, when any post gives me an urge.

i have yet to continue with my Lesson 49 because i noticed its health monitoring 3, and tbh i feel not confident with this skill yet so i am actively returning to monitoring 2 for a bit and also rereading old lessons since my last setback and relapse. I realized that for a whole fking addiction I am not giving as much effort as would make sense, so since few days ago I had to actively make sure i treat it properly. like a top level operation never funded properly only now being noticed largely(bad analogy?).

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"Feelings [and emotions] are indicators, not dictators."


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2020 4:45 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2020 6:13 am
Posts: 73
my compulsive behaviour has 'evolved' since I last realized. I have relapsed several times in the past few weeks. 2 things are definitely lacking: my understanding and practical view of my aiddction in its current state, awareness.

When i first began the workshop my compulsive ritual has been that way for some time, so to see it has evolved beyond into a different kind of ritual (mainly the trigger/perceived urge and when I decide to indulge in the bhv) means that, I feel, i need to go back and map out the elements, emotions, and identify the elements and filters and measure it. Awareness lack is proof I am yet to internalize many concepts. there's a few things i will be doing different.

I feel like to do health monitoring 3 when i am yet to get the basics in check would be a waste of energy and time. So let me make sure I can manage without my compulsive rituals. it's funny, how intellectually i see how simple my patterns are, but trying to untangle what i went wrong in practical feels confusing. But I know I want to, and I can, manage my life without this addiction.

elements of wheel:
- imagery fantasizing in some rituals, used as replacement for visual stimulation from pornographic videos/pictures.
- visual stimulation / sight as the "main ingredient" in the ritual
- audiotory stimulation when accompanied with videos for further pleasure

- touch sensory for EVERY compulsive ritual.
- false sense of power, whether accompanied with porn or fantasy

- sense of accomplishment after climax
- orgasm, the 'addictive euphoric high' of all my compulsive rituals

_________________
"Feelings [and emotions] are indicators, not dictators."


Last edited by Ed1043 on Mon Jul 20, 2020 8:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2020 5:10 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 262
Quote:
my compulsive behaviour has 'evolved' since I last realized. I have relapsed several times in the past few weeks. 2 things are definitely lacking: my understanding and practical view of my aiddction in its current state, awareness.

When i first began the workshop my compulsive ritual has been that way for some time, so to see it has evolved beyond into a different kind of ritual (mainly the trigger/perceived urge and when I decide to indulge in the bhv) means that, I feel, i need to go back and map out the elements, emotions, and identify the elements and filters and measure it. Awareness lack is proof I am yet to internalize many concepts. there's a few things i will be doing different.

I feel like to do health monitoring 3 when i am yet to get the basics in check would be a waste of energy and time. So let me make sure I can manage without my compulsive rituals. it's funny, how intellectually i see how simple my patterns are, but trying to untangle what i went wrong in practical feels confusing. But I know I want to, and I can, manage my life without this addiction.

Hi Ed,

From what you have said above, you are right to stop and review everything you have done so far.
To be brutally honest, it does not matter what your compulsive ritual is, you need to have enough plans in place to deal with any situation that arises!
There is no point in being over halfway through the workshop if you are in reality, still at stage 1.
I would certainly still stick to Health Monitoring 1.
You need to be able to move on from each lesson with a better understanding of how to cope.

On the plus side, this workshop is not a race, as I was once told, and there is no reason for you to give up, you just need to give it another go :g:

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“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2020 5:04 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2020 6:13 am
Posts: 73
Theseus1112 wrote:
There is no point in being over halfway through the workshop if you are in reality, still at stage 1.


hi theseus, thank you for the words ^^. this quote in particularly though, when reading it, got me thinking where I am in the workshop. I've found that, whether I messed up at the start or simply never updated the list IDK, my values list were in fact all over the place... so I decided to redo them, and of course other lessonsa nd health monitoring. This time I'll be sure that I move on from each lesson AFTER having functionally grasped the concept and that i can trust myself to do each exercise properly.

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"Feelings [and emotions] are indicators, not dictators."


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 Post subject: The application
PostPosted: Thu Aug 06, 2020 5:22 am 
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Posts: 73
Re-reading the first few lessons brought me so many insights I missed (including! one that HITS me: You don't learn your way out of this. Insights will come. Skills will be developed. But unless you are ultimately able to apply these insights and skills within the context of a healthy life, they will serve as little more than a temporary escape from your addiction.), and I realized at some point when doing my proactive action plans & values I must've "forced" myself to do the exercises despite feeling disconnected from them.

so even though I felt I was doing just fine at the pace I did them during the first 20 lessons (daily), i probably should slow down for this time as I go through them again (also! i never noticed how my priorities for values change from week to week)

one more thing. I was afraid of posting it here. but I asked myself why? i was, i realized, afraid of the concept of absolute honesty. of judgement. quite funny how these insights happen simultaneously. but I realize fellow addicts don't judge (hopefully lol?) and besides that kind of thing should not get in the way of my recovery. and it will not.

Motivation
- To go on my day with energy
- To live with libido and attraction to others
- To learn to manage life with stability
- To not have to depend on substance day by day
- To prove my own self-discipline
- To learn to OVERCOME
- To not have to face the negative consequences of acting out
- To derive MORE meaning from the things I love and enjoy
- To view women as humans more
- To manage my time better in the future

Vision
I see myself still but actively learning to be proactive, learning to face my fears of social encounters and vulnerability/judgement. I wish to have made new friendships with the experience and mistakes of previous ones. I want to be a person who cherishes learning, has an open mind and is willing to take in new information, perspectives, and criticism to better myself every day.

I don't see myself leading a perfect, ideal life - I'll be struggling with motivation, dailies, and of course my social life because. But I would have understood that it's just life, there's no winning and no losing from this pov.

I'll be trying my best academically and I want to start my romance life as well as be a person who volunteers and contributes to the world. I'll continue the love-hate relationship with physical health, though Ill try to stay fit, but IDK about my mental health although I wish to educate myself more about physical health (including dieting) as well as mental health.

I'll continue to be a lover of music, and my creative juices will also keep flowing with the expression of words.. My 'racing' soul will live on, and I may continue disliking other sports. GAMES are something I want to avoid but can't help value and love. My other hobbies I envision to take half of my freetime.

Values
Motivation of why I WANT to learn to overcome addiction:
- To go on my day with energy
- To live with libido and attraction to others
- To learn to manage life with stability
- To not have to depend on substance day by day
- To prove my own self-discipline
- To learn to OVERCOME
- To not have to face the negative consequences of acting out
- To derive MORE meaning from the things I love and enjoy
- To view women as humans more
- To manage my time better in the future

What is it that I want? What kind of person do I aspire to be, and what life shall I lead?

I see myself still but actively learning to be proactive, learning to face my fears of social encounters and vulnerability/judgement. I wish to have made new friendships with the experience and mistakes of previous ones. I want to be a person who cherishes learning, has an open mind and is willing to take in new information, perspectives, and criticism to better myself every day.

I don't see myself leading a perfect, ideal life - I'll be struggling with motivation, dailies, and of course my social life because. But I would have understood that it's just life, there's no winning and no losing from this pov.

I'll be trying my best academically and I want to start my romance life as well as be a person who volunteers and contributes to the world. I'll continue the love-hate relationship with physical health, though Ill try to stay fit, but IDK about my mental health although I wish to educate myself more about physical health (including dieting) as well as mental health.

I'll continue to be a lover of music, and my creative juices will also keep flowing with the expression of words.. My 'racing' soul will live on, and I may continue disliking other sports. GAMES are something I want to avoid but can't help value and love. My other hobbies I envision to take half of my freetime.

Values:
Music
Critical thinking
Friendship
Creativity
Self-respect
Academics
Pushing beyond comfort
Image
Food
Games
Sense of belonging
Mental health
Achievement
Confidence
Competition
Focus
Sports
Posture
Growth
Financial independence
Independence
Flipping
Going outside
Family
Being informed
Appearance
Responsibility
Intelligence
Mechanics
Privacy
Language
Writing
Liberty
Contribution
Positivity
Hygiene
Intimacy
Being unique
Originality
Planning
Humour
Fitness
Space
Philosophy
Wisdom
Non-academic education
Romance
Being organized
Christianity
Travelling

_________________
"Feelings [and emotions] are indicators, not dictators."


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2020 10:43 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2020 6:13 am
Posts: 73
Lesson 12
Thoughts and behaviours similar to the listed:
They often feel forced into recovery
They believe that they are uniquely defective and/or damaged as human beings
Relapse triggers are seen as opportunities to act out.
They often attempt to "prove" their sincerity to others through voicing dreams, sharing words and making promises, rather than through their actions.
They often experience selfish thoughts when caught acting out (e.g. "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Why didn't I cover that up better?" "Why do I cause myself so much pain?")

ill be honest i wrote something for l13 but idk where it is

HEALTH MONITORING
Did I take my opportunity to talk to a friend?
Did I study and finish my homeworks / assignments properly?
Did I avoid major time wastage / procrastinating? (FOCUS)
Did I remember to pray to God in the morning & at night?
Did I spend my time excessively playing games?

Did I take my time to practice the guitar today?
Did I remember to progress in learning language?
Did I learn or make progress in my personal project?
Did I progress in proactively prepping for college?

Lesson 15
The past month or so has been a some-what wake up call to my functional understanding of many concepts but importantly values. I THOUGHT I understood and mastered it but I clearly didn't. Health monitoring has felt much, much smoother than before. I was able to dig myself out of slips and maintain the previous confidence. But of course I cant catch myself out being complacent.

In summary, what I learnt the past 2 months:
- Values are not of intellectual meaning but of personal and functional meaning
- The first time I did this I didn't take my time to CONNECT with what the lesson was trying to say
- I need to dig myself out of this 'hole' but I need to remember the workshop wont do it for me, they can only throw down a shovel and teach me how to dig out.
- Overcoming addiction means overcoming instability first.

_________________
"Feelings [and emotions] are indicators, not dictators."


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2020 4:54 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: UK
Hello Ed
Quote:
I need to dig myself out of this 'hole' but I need to remember the workshop wont do it for me, they can only throw down a shovel and teach me how to dig out.
- Overcoming addiction means overcoming instability first.


:g: :g:

you need to want it
realise that you do have a choice
choose wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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