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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2020 10:32 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2020 7:51 am
Posts: 13
Lesson 2 Exercise: Creating a vision for life -:
Over the span of my life what do I wanna be?
Considering that to be a very large topic and the uncertainity of life. Still I want to be a Good partner and the best lover I can be coz i want my life to be filled with love and fullfillment and the start of all of it is relationships so i want to be a loyal partner as earlier i have strayed from that and made few wrong but reversible decisions and I want to make the right decision of what i make and develop the value system from where those decision come and they be for the good of me and my partner and make my now gf as my only intimate physically and emotionally partner , i want to work on the relationship daily so that the end result would be better than true love stuff.

For the second part that is the relationship with myself coz I consider me very imp to me so I want to develop love and compassion for me and be a friend and motivator to myself, I want to push myself and be a man of action and do hard and stuff that i love that would push me to become an alpha male ie improve my physical, social, performance and financial skills which are what they sound like such as my habits of getting up early , skin care to look good, exercising and nutrition to live better and healthier, work ethic and skill set to both improve my performance and financial status and meditation and yoga to connect to the inner power and peace. I want to simply improve my habits and function at a small pace daily so i can be Healthier, wiser, and wealthy when i grow old. I want to leave a legacy of hard working, man of action and compassionate ,loving friend and partner. Read a lot of books and do what i love in both career and in hobby and through that be a happy and relaxed persin


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2020 8:10 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: UK
Hi K99 and Welcome to recovery nation and the path to a healthy lifestyle.
Take your time over the workshop, but be consistent, we recommend completing about 3 lessons per week and keep engaging by reading and posting.
Do this for you because you alone can do so
it takes commitment but the rewards are there and believe me the consequences for failing to recover will become unbearable

one point
when posting do hit the reply NOT the new topic key thus your posts will remain as a single thread making it easy for you to refer back as you progress
good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2020 10:33 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2020 7:51 am
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Thanks, Coach I will keep both things ie posting a reply rather than new thread and doing at least 3 lessons a week.
Gratitude and good wishes to you.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2020 8:42 am 
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Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2020 7:51 am
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Exercise 3:
Listing out the 100 things that I derive stimulation from, for me stimulation means: things that motivate me to go on to do some action.

1. Changing my bad habits(such as sleeping less,eating junk, porn, using phone alot) to replace them with good ones(such as setting a scheduled time to keep phone and going to bed at right time, keeping a money accountability chart to show where i am spending, keeping timer on phone)
2. Woking towards removing negative thought patters through meditation and strengthening mind and body through review of thoughts.
3. helping other people in what ever way i can either with money or advice.
4. speaking the truth and showing truth to others and keeping myself accountable for lies i speak
5. having gratitude for all the things i have and not running after things coz others have it and only wanting it if it will actually improve my lifestyle
6. Being positive if someone asks me if they can do something
7. knowing that there are things i dont control and things that i do and only focus on giving my 200 in things that i control.
8. complimenting others on thier beauty and giving them happiness
9. Making others laugh or smile with whatever i can.
10. Knowing that i am a learner and a person can do anything with right knowledge
11. Surrounging myself with good people and respecting them
12. daily meditation and exercising and moving alot
13. making new friends
14. keeping my partner satisfied with loyalty , working on the relationship, not holding to petty stuff
15. seeing my parents smiling face and when my mother is proud of me
16. keeping good relationships with everyone and not holding on to grudges and reaching myself and not waiting for others
17. working hard at my studies and not giving in to being lazy
18. pushing my beliefs daily and not holding on to beliefs
19. watching the beautiful sky, lovely trees and plants and saving them if i can with energy or work
20. Doing charity when i can
21. Being polite so people can be calm and peaceful around me
22. I daily set some time for entertainment and to chill out
23. i read books and i love collecting them
24. i am starting to be more outgoing and generous i love how people smile when i do something good'
25. I drink green tea with cardamom
26. Being a role model for my sister and friends who have limiting beliefs
27. leaving with integrity and compassion
28. giving family importance so that they can trust me
29. being reliable
30. being organized and less cluttering
31. being loved and respected my others
32. i love when someone compliments me
33. i love listening to songs
34. i love being irritated so that i can learn patience
35. i love risk taking
36. i love developing myself as a person
37. doing something good for the community
38. overcoming personal struggle
39. physical and mental health
40. listening podcast to gain insight of some successful people
41. feeling appreciated
42. sexual contant and intimacy
43. sexual energy reserving and playing with energy
44. living a humble life
45. appreciating and encouraging life daily
46. watching the sky/nature
47. control and power
48. wisdom and learning zen
49. planning ahead but staying in present
50. self discipline
51. selflessness
52. reminding that life is not about me
53. masculanity and power
54. learning new things and building new thing
55. building new relationships
56. eating tasty but healthy food
57. maintaining an journal and habit dairy
58. utilizing compounding in habits and life
59. showing love and getting care and love
60. knowing my mortality so not wasting time but actually living and enjoying life.
61. feeling challenged and accomplishing challenges
62. not cheating and being honest

Habits that are congruent are:
loving myself and be in touch with my centered self and improve my productivity
have a still set of values and right set of mindset that i do these things and i dont do others
i want to have habits in which i can have value based decisions and not sudden



Now as i am on exercise 5 i notice i didnt note bad habits that give me stimulation and those are the things that im trying to recover from :
1. Watching porn and masturbating
2. Looking for validation from girls that they like me or not
3. Being addicted to phone mainly youtube, reddit and chrome, i use my phone way too much
4. Following girls on instagram and fantasizing about them tho Wont say that i do it everyday but maybe sometimes a week
5. Thinking way too much and then get stressed to work i would like it to be calm and relaxed and still do the work
6. I procrastinate sometimes mainly on sundays to make a weekly plan and then waste my time entire week tho i get upto 35 hours of study done, 5 days of exercise done, daily 2 times meditation and 1 times yoga read atleast 1 page of book a day but i want to do these with love and not out of necissity
7. I have this habit of collecting and not following through things.
8. I have ego and i want people to apologize to me and i rarely reach out.


Last edited by Rits_k9 on Mon Aug 31, 2020 8:03 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2020 7:59 am 
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Posts: 13
Exercise 4:
Prioritizing Values
1. Enjoying life in its entirety, just loving life and doing meaningful things.
2. Doing the best in the things that I control and with meditation and self discipline not worry about things outside my control.
3.Continuously learning and developing myself as the best human and person i can be by removing habits that will hurt me if compounded and invest in things that will help when compounded.
4. Being a good human with speaking truth always, helping others and having gratitude for all the amazing things I have in life and being patient.
5. Trusting in myself and loving myself, developing my Learners mentality and being with good people.
6. Be a good child, a good brother and a good mentors to others in my community.
7. Be loyal and loving to my partner, be the best lover I can be.
8. Growing daily and pushing my limits daily.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2020 8:14 am 
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For exercise 5 I have already incidentally mentoned all in exercise 4 so I will love myself, love others and be humble.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2020 7:57 am 
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I think I have messed up the exercise 4 by rephrasing a lot of the points together. Should I do this again Coach?


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:12 am 
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Exercise 6:

The three point that i want to choose from my Value list: Action plan for them are:

1.Trusting in myself.
I have noticed lately that I sometimes doubt my decisions when my mentors have said that its the right step to take so for that:
a. Every morning after I wake up i will recall and remind myself the things that i did in past about which i was more unsure than the actions i am taking now . Such as completing my degree with high grades and where no one supported me or advised me and coding and developing it skills and accounting knowledge is very good for my career while meditating and doing recovery is for my ultimate good as porn makes me feel shameful of me when i am unconditionally a good human as good as a human gets.
b. Keep developing my will by following all the habits I am doing then noticing the change.
c. Remember that life is not an immediate emergency and even the day i die id still have alot of "in basket" so calm down and
go with the flow and get back to health should be the foremost thing to do.
2. Being a good child to my parents.
a. I can do this by respecting them more by considering the fact that they already have so much in thier plate so i should help them with a clam and happier environment from my side rather than disrecpecting them
b. Sitting down with them and for few minutes a day leave my phone and actually talk to them about thier day.

Doing the best in the things that I control and with meditation and self discipline not worry about things outside my control.
Be a good child, a good brother.


Last edited by Rits_k9 on Thu Sep 03, 2020 9:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2020 9:39 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: UK
Hi K


Quote:
I think I have messed up the exercise 4 . Should I do this again


If you have any doubts at all in any exercise then repeating costs you nothing
remember this is your journey so you choose

Quote:
I have noticed lately that I sometimes doubt my decisions


have faith believe in yourself

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2020 8:29 am 
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Posts: 13
Today I am working on the recovery by getting some advice from Buddha

This text is drawn from In the words of buddha I have been inclined towards advice from the wise so It fits well here for me.. When ever the thought of going back comes i can refer to the choice of the two darts.

The first of these distinctions, drawn in Text I,2(1), revolves around the response to painful feelings. Both the worldling and the noble disciple experience painful bodily feelings, but they respond to these feelings differently. The worldling reacts to them with aversion and therefore, on top of the painful bodily feeling, also experiences a painful mental feeling: sorrow, resentment, or distress. The noble disciple, when afflicted with bodily pain, endures such feeling patiently, without sorrow, resentment, or distress. It is commonly assumed that physical and mental pain are inseparably linked, but the Buddha makes a clear demarcation between the two. He holds that while bodily existence is inevitably bound up with physical pain, such pain need not trigger the emotional reactions of misery, fear, resentment, and distress with which we habitually respond to it. Through mental training we can develop the mindfulness and clear comprehension necessary to endure physical pain courageously, with patience and equanimity. Through insight we can develop sufficient wisdom to overcome our dread of painful feelings and our need to seek relief in distracting binges of sensual self indulgence.

“Monks, when the uninstructed worldling experiences a painful feeling, he sorrows, grieves, and laments; he weeps beating his breast and becomes distraught. He feels two feelings—a bodily one and a mental one. Suppose they were to strike a man with a dart, and then strike him immediately afterward with a second dart, so that the man would feel a feeling caused by two darts. So too, when the uninstructed worldling experiences a painful feeling, he feels two feelings—a bodily one and a mental one.

“While experiencing that same painful feeling, he harbors aversion toward it. When he harbors aversion toward painful feeling, the underlying tendency to aversion toward painful feeling lies behind this. While experiencing painful feeling, he seeks delight in sensual pleasure. For what reason? Because the uninstructed worldling does not know of any escape from painful feeling other than sensual pleasure. When he seeks delight in sensual pleasure, the underlying tendency to lust for pleasant feeling lies behind this. He does not understand as it really is the origin and the passing away, the gratification, the danger, and the escape in the case of these feelings. When he does not understand these things, the underlying tendency to ignorance in regard to neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling lies behind this.

“If he feels a pleasant feeling, he feels it attached. If he feels a painful feeling, he feels it attached. If he feels a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, he feels it attached. This, monks, is called an uninstructed worldling who is attached to birth, aging, and death; who is attached to sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair; who is attached to suffering, I say.

“Monks, when the instructed noble disciple experiences a painful feeling, he does not sorrow, grieve, or lament; he does not weep beating his breast and become distraught. He feels one feeling—a bodily one, not a mental one. Suppose they were to strike a man with a dart, but they would not strike him immediately afterward with a second dart, so that the man would feel a feeling caused by one dart only. So too, when the instructed noble disciple experiences a painful feeling, he feels one feeling—a bodily one, and not a mental one.

“While experiencing that same painful feeling, he harbors no aversion toward it. Since he harbors no aversion toward painful feeling, the underlying tendency to aversion toward painful feeling does not lie behind this. While experiencing painful feeling, he does not seek delight in sensual pleasure. For what reason? Because the instructed noble disciple knows of an escape from painful feeling other than sensual pleasure. Since he does not seek delight in sensual pleasure, the underlying tendency to lust for pleasant feeling does not lie behind this. He understands as it really is the origin and the passing away, the gratification, the danger, and the escape in the case of these feelings. Since he understands these things, the underlying tendency to ignorance in regard to neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling does not lie behind this.

“If he feels a pleasant feeling, he feels it detached. If he feels a painful feeling, he feels it detached. If he feels a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, he feels it detached. This, monks, is called a noble disciple who is detached from birth, aging, and death; who is detached from sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair; who is detached from suffering, I say.

“This, monks, is the distinction, the disparity, the difference between the instructed noble disciple and the uninstructed worldling.”


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2020 8:56 am 
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Lesson 7 Exercise:
First I have to make a confession that last night I relapsed to porn and I dont feel bad niether i feel shameful nor do i feel guilt which was one of the reason that I am doing this recovery. Though i dont want to put out the impression that i am accepting the relapse from me NOOOOO. I am not feeling guilt or shame because I have understood what was wrong in my recovery submarine ie just following recovery here which is not uptill now focusing on how to fight the urge, I am not saying this recovery doesnt work but just that uptill now it hasnt given me any armour with which i can fight the urge i know it will in future. so now i have joined other people who are on the same journey, i will maintain abstinence with them while simultaneously working on recovery to health internally.

Now comes exercise 7:
1. Enjoying life in its entirety, just loving life and doing meaningful things.
2. Doing the best in the things that I control and with meditation and self discipline not worry about things outside my control.

For point 1, the action plan is-:
1. enjoying the life in the sense that i am one of those lucky people who have the choice of choosing what they want to do with their life, the career that i am making for myself is of my choosing i dont know what lies ahead and i couldn't care either coz i have trained myself of just living day by day coz i only know that. I dont know if id be alive tomorrow so i dont care about it either.My actionplan for enjoying is to introduce more of the things that i think would be amazing to do such as learning yoga and follow a meditation routing for a while and experience what it feels like, doodling or drawing as ive always wanted to do that, after this covid i want to go for cycle rides every 2 weeks, enjoy a bit with my friends ie be outgoing a bit,
2. Introduce gratitude and positivity in my life and get out of the rat race a bit.
for point 2 :-
I want to just break my limits in exercise, build habits of being more productive and more skillful both in studies and in thee field im in those will come by investing in myself and not letting any day go by where i dont challenge myself for atleast 1 thing be it more hours of study or being more patient during a fight or letting others be right for more happiness and just demanding more of myself, i control what i do i hava started to make challenges for months and they are 1. 105 total hours of study 2. Meditation ,journal and planning my day everyday 3. Semen retention and being porn free for sept 4. getting up at 7 everyday 5. exercising 5 days a week and


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2020 8:20 am 
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Hey there friends. Its Ritesh here again, I was dissatisfied with my recovery forum posts that i made earlier so a week back i started doing it all over again. Tho i have to agree that i have been gone for over a month now but i was experiencing lack of commitment earlier that's why i didn't continue earlie.

I am back here again and I am here to show that i am no longer a person who watches porn or masturbates and I am doing this recovery to get the foundation of my life right and coz i agree that most of the dissatisfaction poeple encounter is because of not having a control over their own emotions and i want to get that control.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2020 8:29 am 
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DATE: 17/10/2020

THIS IS MY EXERCISE 4:
Prioritising values- These are the values that I want to prioritize for myself and the actual ones that will provide me with real satisfaction


1. Developing myself as a person.
2. Being a grateful and peaceful person
3. Being a good and a focused partner.
4. Being a good child and a good brother
5. Having friends and connecting to people.
6. Build a good career for myself.
7. Helping other people ie be compassionate.
8. Develop hobbies for myself and try new things out than just being a lame person.
9. Self discipline ie developing habits / taking challenges and completing them.
10. I would love to be more outgoing.
11. Sharing my true self with people around me.
12. Providing quality in my work.
13. Being reliable
14. Truly loving people around me.
15. Physical beauty and physical health.
16. Passionate about life
17. Intellectual depth
18. Mental health.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2020 8:43 am 
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Exercise 10:
1. My choice- No I don't wnat to deceive my partner any longer I want to be a loyal and trust worthy partner to her, my choice is to end this addiction once and for all. I loathe all my choices in the past but now I have taken up the value of being utmost honest with my partner. I felt bad about one of my decision today and shared that with her she was cool.
2. Stash - I don't have any.
3. People- 1. Mahak- affair for 3 years
2. Used to fantasize about sunny leone.
4. Places - Internet porn.


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