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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2020 3:08 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Lesson 1

1. I have never actively committed to change. Its hard for me to do this because I don’t have many self guided reasons as to why I am trying to change. It’s always external to me. Right now, it still feels like I have to, so I’m hoping that I can think of real values that I myself have to lean on to actively commit to change.

2. This is tough because I’m in couples recovery. If I weren’t a believer in God, it would be much easier to rid guilt and shame from this process. Also, I’ve wanted to always avoid confrontation in regards to what I’ve done against my partner. I’ve wanted to end the relationship as to not do worse damage, but that hasn’t been the case. So it’s hard when I’ve wanted to leave in order to protect myself and her.

3. I have all the time until I die, so this isn’t much of a negative factor for me.

This next list is very difficult for me because the reason that I seek permanent change have to do with external reasons. However, I do see my life as heading in the direction that leads to these desires.

I want to be who I was created to be
I want to be upfront and honest with people, myself and God
I want to have pride in my spiritual walk
I want to learn self-control
I want to respect women
I want to be a good role model
I want to be free from addiction
I want a healthy marriage
I want to be a good father
I want to be trusted

Looking at that photo of myself as a kid around 8 years. I know that I wanted to be pleasing in the eyes of others, especially adults and those in authority. This photo though was my birthday, so I remember feeling like I could be myself and have more freedom, and it felt great. I didn't yet hit puberty and remember how I used to have such a respect for females that is lost to me today. I'm trying to regain that. I remember (and still do) having the ideals in mind about finding "the one" and being a strong romantic on the inside at this time. I had high hopes in regard to finding a partner that was perfect for me and vice versa. I wasn't so jaded by negative experiences. Now I just feel let down by life, myself and others looking at it. Not that I have had a terrible life or experienced real trauma. I think I just had higher hopes and expectations at this time in life.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2020 9:12 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Lesson 2

Vision

God
To use a medium like a blog, book, podcast etc. in order to share the Gospel.
To use a foundation to share my time and resources serving others.

Family
To have a marriage with foundations of trust, honesty, transparency, understanding & commitment.
To raise upstanding citizens for tomorrow’s world.

Career/Business
To sustain a successful career in real estate and not allow my addiction to get in the way.
To have ownership in property and manage it properly.

Hobbies
To go after my dreams and use those values to drive me.
To never become complacent with day to day life and have healthy choices to deal with anxiety.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2020 9:15 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Lesson 3 & 4 (Prioritized)

Values List

    Autonomy/Freedom
    Time
    Financial freedom
    Mental health
    Emotional security
    Support/Understanding
    Reason/Purpose
    Experiencing euphoria
    Reciprocation/Partnership
    Sexual stimulation
    Wisdom
    Logic
    Fidelity
    Perspective-taking
    Realistic outlooks
    Loyalty
    Justice
    Altruism
    Silence/Solitude
    Humility
    Integrity
    Personal growth, development
    Self-Discipline
    Emotional maturity
    Transparency
    Comfort
    Open-Mindedness
    Peace/Diplomacy
    Ecology
    Sense of humor
    Feeling sexually desired
    Learning/Knowledge/Intellectual Superiority
    Communication
    Intellectual growth/debate
    Inquisitiveness
    Enhancing my spiritual awareness
    Experienced in conflict resolution
    Physical health
    Taking care of others in need
    Empathy
    Social outreach
    Being reliable and dependable
    Being respected by those who matter
    Willpower
    Being dedicated
    Tenacious in my pursuit of my dreams
    Staying active
    Creativity
    Feeling appreciated by those who matter
    Feeling masculine
    Competition
    Encouraging my partner's independence
    Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children
    Being considerate of others
    Being respected as a professional by others


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2020 9:18 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Lesson 5

2 Major Life Events

Leaving my parents house - Autonomy
Getting full time job - Financial freedom

My Top 15 Values

Autonomy/Freedom
Time
Financial freedom
Mental health
Emotional security
Support/Understanding
Reason/Purpose
Experiencing euphoria
Reciprocation/Partnership
Sexual stimulation
Wisdom
Logic
Fidelity
Perspective-taking
Realistic outlooks


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2020 9:26 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Lesson 6 & 7

My Proactive Action Plans for Top 10 Values

Strengthening my mental health
Self talk
I will replace negative thoughts about myself with positive
I will constantly affirm what I believe is true and good about myself
Use binding and loosing prayers to rid myself of strongholds

Beliefs about myself
I will biblically reason why I should believe that I am a child of the Most High
I will implement steps in the Alpha Male book to build confidence
I will find activities that display my talents

Self care
I will make a daily note of how I’m feeling
I will make leisure time for me, myself and I
I will make habits and rituals that are organized so I’m not thinking about things I need to do
I will find free counseling

Expression of needs
I will learn how to express myself in a way that is well received
I will gain courage through practice on how to express my feelings to my partner
I will write out my needs and ponder them

Strengthening my emotional security
Openness
I will be open to love and receiving love
I will be upfront about good feelings I’m having about our relationship

Vulnerability
I will allow myself to feel good and bad feelings
I won’t shut myself off from others
I will put myself out there and rest in who I am rather than what it thought of me
I will allow myself to get hurt

Setting boundaries
I will make a list of non-negotiables for others to have a relationship with me
I will not allow my boundaries to be crossed

Strengthening my purpose for my life and life itself
Having meaningful goals
I will base my primary goals off of my desires
I will base secondary goals off of the needs of others
I must understand the purpose in reaching and achieving the goal, which must outweigh the process

Learning about myself
I will take more aptitude tests to save and review
I will work on cutting out my bad qualities to become who I was meant to be

Seeking Gods purpose for me
I will stay in prayer about this
I will learn to love everyone around me

Understanding the purpose of the world
I will seek Gods kingdom and look to be part of it
I will study history, sociology, eschatology and theology in regards to this

Strengthening my ability to experience euphoria
Finding out what makes me feel good
Taking more aptitude tests, and tests in regards to interests to know more about what I like
Trying new things, being more adventurous
Nurture positive activities that I do already

Taking out time to do what makes me feel good
Making sure to schedule time to do fun activities
Setting reminders to make fun routines

Learning to love things that aren't practical, but good for me
Looking for relatively small habits that aren't fun but will be good for me
Make positive incremental changes toward these sorts of habits over time

Financial Freedom
Finding out my number for annual income
Used the Financial Freedom calculator to readjust your number
Take into account of if a family is involved or not
Take stock of the life that you want to live and all the little things in it

Making a plan that is like clockwork
Figure out your career/investments and what they should bring in conservatively
Write out a foreseeable future plan for how you will use your income to tackle expenses
Make sure direct deposits are in the right accounts to set and forget

Ensuring stability and maintaining freedom
Make periodic checks on accounts with Personal Capital once per week
Never allow yourself to fall behind a certain percentage of net worth
Hedge with fairly protected assets / Different funds, accounts and even box spring money

Strengthening my Time
Use time I need to re-energize
Assessing how much time a person like me needs for rejuvenation
Scheduling out my personal time
Spend personal time on activities that promote growth and rest

Making a life plan
Once financial freedom is obtained, then figure out how much longer you will have on this Earth conservatively
Break your life down into 5 year organization, 1 year, month to month, week to week

Respecting my time
Making others aware of my lack of availability
I will not disregard the time that I have set for myself in advance
If emergencies come up or things have to be done, I will be sure to re-schedule my time

Strengthening my Sexual Stimulation
Research
I will take aptitude tests on what is sexually stimulating for me and why
I will continue to read on the negative affects porn has on stimulation
I will research the positive affects that monogamous sex has on stimulation/enjoyment

Reciprocation
I need a partner that is not only open to what I want to do sexually, but is also stimulated by those same things
I want my partner to willingly make sexually explicit content for me
I want to be sexually pleasing to my partner
I need to feel that I am sexually desired by my mate, almost to obsession, and that goes for me too
I want to have the same level of sex drive my partner has

Building on the foundation
I want to use the sexual experiences with my partner to help build a stronger bond between us
I want to learn more about our sexual stimulation together
To use foreplay quite often to help build a connection outside of straight sex

Strengthening my Autonomy/Freedom
Being trustworthy
I will be transparent to those in my life that matter so they will not question my motives
I will continue to work on my addiction so that my partner isn't worried about what I am doing

Creating boundaries
I will be upfront with those who come into my life that I am in control over my decisions
I will not allow my addiction to get in the way of my ability to be free
I will not allow anyone to tell me what I can and cannot do outside of governmental authority

Strengthening my ability to be Supported & Understood
Finding my voice
I will make known my needs and concerns about the relationship
I won't allow fear of how my partner will react to hinder my voice
If the time isn't right, I will write down how I feel and schedule time to talk about it

Allowing help
After making known my needs and concerns, I will allow my partner time to work through how they can meet those needs
I will talk over with my partner ways in how we can work together in eliminating concerns

Strengthening Reciprocation & Partnership in my relationship
Reciprocation
I will take time to see if my values match up with my partners, and if they are close in importance
Keeping my partner from doing thing for me that are out of obligation and vice versa, in order to avoid resentment
Finding common hobbies and interests to share and enjoy

Partnership

We will make an outline of how each person in the relationship will handle practical daily tasks
Making sure that we are on the same page with financial stability
Regrouping every so often to ensure neither one of us is feeling like we are pulling more weight in the relationship than the other


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2020 10:45 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 264
Hi Kelly01,
I am sure that you joined RN because you have a sex addiction?

Quote:
Strengthening my Sexual Stimulation
Research
I will take aptitude tests on what is sexually stimulating for me and why
I will continue to read on the negative affects porn has on stimulation
I will research the positive affects that monogamous sex has on stimulation/enjoyment

Reciprocation
I need a partner that is not only open to what I want to do sexually, but is also stimulated by those same things
I want my partner to willingly make sexually explicit content for me
I want to be sexually pleasing to my partner
I need to feel that I am sexually desired by my mate, almost to obsession, and that goes for me too
I want to have the same level of sex drive my partner has

Building on the foundation
I want to use the sexual experiences with my partner to help build a stronger bond between us
I want to learn more about our sexual stimulation together
To use foreplay quite often to help build a connection outside of straight sex


Sex to such a degree should be way down your list of priorities, you are here to start and live a healthy lifestyle.
This whole paragraph reads like you continue your addiction, but use your partner to feed that addiction?
You have even mentioned your partner making porn for you!
After reading this I would say the you need to stop an re-evaluate your Values and boundaries.

RN is a proven way to recover from addiction, there are coaches and mentors that will be happy to assist you on your path.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 8:57 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Theseus1112 wrote:
Hi Kelly01,
I am sure that you joined RN because you have a sex addiction?

Quote:
Strengthening my Sexual Stimulation
Research
I will take aptitude tests on what is sexually stimulating for me and why
I will continue to read on the negative affects porn has on stimulation
I will research the positive affects that monogamous sex has on stimulation/enjoyment

Reciprocation
I need a partner that is not only open to what I want to do sexually, but is also stimulated by those same things
I want my partner to willingly make sexually explicit content for me
I want to be sexually pleasing to my partner
I need to feel that I am sexually desired by my mate, almost to obsession, and that goes for me too
I want to have the same level of sex drive my partner has

Building on the foundation
I want to use the sexual experiences with my partner to help build a stronger bond between us
I want to learn more about our sexual stimulation together
To use foreplay quite often to help build a connection outside of straight sex


Sex to such a degree should be way down your list of priorities, you are here to start and live a healthy lifestyle.
This whole paragraph reads like you continue your addiction, but use your partner to feed that addiction?
You have even mentioned your partner making porn for you!
After reading this I would say the you need to stop an re-evaluate your Values and boundaries.

RN is a proven way to recover from addiction, there are coaches and mentors that will be happy to assist you on your path.


I appreciate the insight. Doing my best to approach this process as honestly and realistically as I can here.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 9:08 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Lesson 10

Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread:

Small collection of images - On personal laptop
Small collection of images - On phone
Using incognito mode on computer that doesn't have monitoring on it
Any cosmetic models that may come in the mail

Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.

My partner
Partners mother
Partners cousin
Partners friends
Women in public
Old classmate
Old co-workers
Past porn videos replayed in my mind

Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.

The bathroom in front of the toilet
In the shower
In the closet


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2020 4:09 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 264
Kelly01 wrote:
Theseus1112 wrote:
Hi Kelly01,
I am sure that you joined RN because you have a sex addiction?

Quote:
Strengthening my Sexual Stimulation
Research
I will take aptitude tests on what is sexually stimulating for me and why
I will continue to read on the negative affects porn has on stimulation
I will research the positive affects that monogamous sex has on stimulation/enjoyment

Reciprocation
I need a partner that is not only open to what I want to do sexually, but is also stimulated by those same things
I want my partner to willingly make sexually explicit content for me
I want to be sexually pleasing to my partner
I need to feel that I am sexually desired by my mate, almost to obsession, and that goes for me too
I want to have the same level of sex drive my partner has

Building on the foundation
I want to use the sexual experiences with my partner to help build a stronger bond between us
I want to learn more about our sexual stimulation together
To use foreplay quite often to help build a connection outside of straight sex


Sex to such a degree should be way down your list of priorities, you are here to start and live a healthy lifestyle.
This whole paragraph reads like you continue your addiction, but use your partner to feed that addiction?
You have even mentioned your partner making porn for you!
After reading this I would say the you need to stop an re-evaluate your Values and boundaries.

RN is a proven way to recover from addiction, there are coaches and mentors that will be happy to assist you on your path.


I appreciate the insight. Doing my best to approach this process as honestly and realistically as I can here.

Hi again Kelly01,
Honesty is the building block of RN, there is no doubt.
BUT you have to be honest with yourself first and foremost.
Honest with what your addiction is?
Honest with how you will recover from the addiction.
You are very new into the workshop and by sticking with it, doing the lessons regularly, it will give you the tools to live a healthy life :g:

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2020 9:55 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: UK
Hello Kelly
I add my welcome to that from Theseus
but being here is only the first step
a big step perhaps but only if you make it so

I ask that you reflect upon why you are here?
I expect thas as with most of us who start out on "hopefully" a long progressive healthy journey it is because you were found out
hence immediately think that you should be doing something because your SO needs / wants/ begs / insists that you do so :pe:

That is OK bit only because it gives you / we a start
You need to change that perspective and want / need to change and recover for YOU

Without that then your chance of recovery are reduced exponentially

please be here for you and that can then help to demonstrate that you deserve her support

Quote:
I have never actively committed to change. Its hard for me to do this because I don’t have many self guided reasons as to why I am trying to change.


then consider your reasons for wanting change


Quote:
I want to learn self-control
I want to respect women
I want to be a good role model
I want to be free from addiction
I want a healthy marriage
I want to be trusted


are these genuine anbitions or simply a perception
are they congurent with examples of your
Proactive Action Plans for Top 10 Values

Quote:
I will write out my needs and ponder them
I will make a list of non-negotiables for others to have a relationship with me
I will not allow my boundaries to be crossed (and crossing the boundaries of others?)
I will base my primary goals off of my desires
I will base secondary goals off of the needs of others
Strengthening my Sexual Stimulation

I will take aptitude tests on what is sexually stimulating for me and why
I will continue to read on the negative affects porn has on stimulation
I will research the positive affects that monogamous sex has on stimulation/enjoyment

Reciprocation
I need a partner that is not only open to what I want to do sexually, but is also stimulated by those same things
I want my partner to willingly make sexually explicit content for me
I want to be sexually pleasing to my partner
I need to feel that I am sexually desired by my mate, almost to obsession, and that goes for me too

I want to have the same level of sex drive my partner has
I want to use the sexual experiences with my partner to help build a stronger bond between us
I want to learn more about our sexual stimulation together
To use foreplay quite often to help build a connection outside of straight sex
I will not allow anyone to tell me what I can and cannot do outside of governmental authority
Strengthening my ability to be Supported & Understood
Finding my voice
I will make known my needs and concerns about the relationship
I won't allow fear of how my partner will react to hinder my voice
If the time isn't right, I will write down how I feel and schedule time to talk about it
Regrouping every so often to ensure neither one of us is feeling like we are pulling more weight in the relationship than the other


I am not criticising here nor am I looking for a reply
I simply am making an obsevation that perhaps you could reflect upon

now a reccomendation
commit to recovery, make those choices
do it for you because you want to hence you choose to
GOOD LUCK

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2020 12:58 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Lesson 12

I'll have to say that I resonated most with group 4 in this lesson. The way I've approached this so far is cerebral and with action. However, I am trying to analyze and assess my/our situation and take the steps to just alleviate the issues. I'm more so trying to understand why I do what I do and take steps to re-direct my actions. I like learning about what past events may have led to this addiction in me. I was relieved to also see the "getting nothing tangible in return" aspect of group 4, because I have felt this while also feeling like no one understands this. I have also tended to analyze the risk/reward benefits of what I am being asked to do, especially in this situation of being a couple.

I also resonated with many behaviors in both the continue and occasional struggle with relapse. I will list the behaviors that I resonated with from each group.

Those Who Will Continue to Struggle With Relapse
-They often feel forced into recovery (e.g. legal consequences, social expectations, treatment demands)
-Their motivation for recovery comes from an attempt to appease others (e.g. to save a relationship; to deflect attention from the behaviors)
-They actively prepare their environment for successful acting out by: setting a preliminary foundation for excuses/alibis; seeking out times/situations where they will be unaccountable to anyone but themselves; laying the foundation for the emotional manipulation of others who may pose a confrontational threat (e.g. their spouse), etc.
-They believe that they are uniquely defective and/or damaged as human beings
-They believe that what they are experiencing is their fate
-They suspect that they will never be able to overcome their urges, and so their goals are to establish the appearance of change, rather than to pursue actual change.
-Relapse triggers are seen as opportunities to act out.
-They often experience selfish thoughts when caught acting out (e.g. "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Why didn't I cover that up better?" "Why do I cause myself so much pain?")


Those Who Will Occasionally Struggle with Relapse
-They believe that they are defective in the sense that their emotions, urges, impulses, etc. are experienced with much more intensity than "normal people". And this puts them at a disadvantage for living a "normal life".
-They tend to confuse addiction recovery with general mental health issues — creating a hypersensitivity to all of the emotions that they experience. Depression, anxiety, anger — they are all tightly related to "recovery" and an imbalance in one often leads to an imbalance in the other.
-They perceive "powerlessness" not as absolute powerlessness over their life, but a limited powerlessness over their urges.
-They tend to focus on controlling past behavior, rather than learning new behavior.
-They tend to see life in episodes — with beginnings and endings — rather than as a process.
-They consistently measure the success of their recovery through abstinence, rather than emotional stability and personal satisfaction.
-They often experience extreme emotions in relation to acting out — extreme guilt, extreme shame, depression, anger, hatred. Or, they experience very mild emotions — when it has become a pattern that they have resolved to accept as a part of their lives.
-They tend to hyper analyze their actions, thoughts and feelings...and make the possibility of living a "normal" life all but impossible.

These do indeed reflect my current thoughts and behaviors. It is nice to hear that I do have the power to change, but making the decision to do so is frightening, unbelievable, and HAS to come from within me from what I understand.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 8:25 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Kenzo wrote:
Hello Kelly
I add my welcome to that from Theseus
but being here is only the first step
a big step perhaps but only if you make it so

I ask that you reflect upon why you are here?
I expect thas as with most of us who start out on "hopefully" a long progressive healthy journey it is because you were found out
hence immediately think that you should be doing something because your SO needs / wants/ begs / insists that you do so :pe:

That is OK bit only because it gives you / we a start
You need to change that perspective and want / need to change and recover for YOU

Without that then your chance of recovery are reduced exponentially

please be here for you and that can then help to demonstrate that you deserve her support

Quote:
I have never actively committed to change. Its hard for me to do this because I don’t have many self guided reasons as to why I am trying to change.


then consider your reasons for wanting change


Quote:
I want to learn self-control
I want to respect women
I want to be a good role model
I want to be free from addiction
I want a healthy marriage
I want to be trusted


are these genuine anbitions or simply a perception
are they congurent with examples of your
Proactive Action Plans for Top 10 Values

Quote:
I will write out my needs and ponder them
I will make a list of non-negotiables for others to have a relationship with me
I will not allow my boundaries to be crossed (and crossing the boundaries of others?)
I will base my primary goals off of my desires
I will base secondary goals off of the needs of others
Strengthening my Sexual Stimulation

I will take aptitude tests on what is sexually stimulating for me and why
I will continue to read on the negative affects porn has on stimulation
I will research the positive affects that monogamous sex has on stimulation/enjoyment

Reciprocation
I need a partner that is not only open to what I want to do sexually, but is also stimulated by those same things
I want my partner to willingly make sexually explicit content for me
I want to be sexually pleasing to my partner
I need to feel that I am sexually desired by my mate, almost to obsession, and that goes for me too

I want to have the same level of sex drive my partner has
I want to use the sexual experiences with my partner to help build a stronger bond between us
I want to learn more about our sexual stimulation together
To use foreplay quite often to help build a connection outside of straight sex
I will not allow anyone to tell me what I can and cannot do outside of governmental authority
Strengthening my ability to be Supported & Understood
Finding my voice
I will make known my needs and concerns about the relationship
I won't allow fear of how my partner will react to hinder my voice
If the time isn't right, I will write down how I feel and schedule time to talk about it
Regrouping every so often to ensure neither one of us is feeling like we are pulling more weight in the relationship than the other


I am not criticising here nor am I looking for a reply
I simply am making an obsevation that perhaps you could reflect upon

now a reccomendation
commit to recovery, make those choices
do it for you because you want to hence you choose to
GOOD LUCK


Thanks for the insight. I think the reasons that I gave initially for why I am wanting to change are the best that fall in line with what I feel I want. I am sure that some things may change along the way, and I am hoping that I will value my values more through this program, if that makes any sense.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 8:27 pm 
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Posts: 45
Lesson 13

Reading over this the first time helped me see that my state of mind right now can be expected. I must admit that most of the feelings I resonate with are from the early stage, and not many of at all from the middle or later stages. I’m glad at least to feel understood to a great degree by this program. The patterns I resonated with are as follows:

Early Recovery: "Understanding/Recognizing the Behavior"

In early recovery, individuals often experience significant doubts relating to their ability to change.
In early recovery, extremely negative emotions are the norm: especially as they relate to depression, anxiety, hopelessness and suicide.
In early recovery, they often "test the waters" of recovery by attempting recovery for a few days, then acting out. Attempting recovery for a few weeks, then acting out. Attempting recovery for a few months, then acting out. A weaning behavior similar to a toddler giving up a security blanket.
In early recovery, they tend to experience relief in having their behaviors understood, and immediately seek understanding in all areas of their life. Unfortunately, this tends to overwhelm them, distract them, etc., but it is fairly common...and a good sign that their desire to change is sincere.
In early recovery, these individuals may be all across the board in terms of treatment, and may display many similar traits as to those in the "Those Who Will Occasionally Struggle With Relapse" category above.
In early recovery, they perceive "powerlessness" as "helplessness" and "desperation".

Middle Recovery : "Actual Recovery"

They see their lives as a continuous process of growth and development, rather than an episodic book of starts and stops. (e.g. "When I was addicted" "After I recovered").

Since doing this exercise, I have changed the order of one value. I switched sexual stimulation & communication. I know I need to focus on communication more to help move forward with my partner in this recovery.

Using relapse triggers as opportunities to act out doesn’t line up with my values of Fidelity and Perspective-taking. When I go out of my way to watch porn, I am knowingly and actively doing something against my partner, which isn’t staying faithful to her. Also, I’m not taking the time to think or care about how she feels and how she see things in this regard.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 8:41 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Daily Monitoring List

Lesson 14
Hearing God’s Voice
Did I start my day in prayer?
Did I read my devotional?
Did I take time to be silent?
How long was I silent for?

Strengthening Communication with my partner
Did I initiate a meaningful conversation with her today?
If not, how many days has it been since I have?
Did I make known how I was feeling?
Good feelings?
Bad feelings?

Overcoming Procrastination
Did I follow the 2 Minute Rule today?
Did I adhere to my Reminders today?
How many of them?
Did I wake up with my alarm today?

Obtaining Real Estate License
Did I study for 30 minutes today?
Did I learn and have memory recall for at least one term today?

Making Job Easier
Did I make a PDF of a tough issue today?
Did I make a text replacement for a common saying today?
Did I ask about my schedule fluctuation today?
Did I check All things QA for new tips to incorporate?

Becoming Physically Healthy
Did I Workout today? (If workout day)
Did I eat healthy today?
Did I fast until 11?
Did I get a lot of protein?
Did I take a walk today?
How long was it?
Did I brush my teeth today?
How many times?
Did I go to sleep on time last night?
If not, what kept me up?

Strengthening My Inner Alpha Male
Did I read the Alpha Male book today?
What did I apply if so?

Being Honest With Myself & Others
Have you evaluated your reasons for recovery?
Do you still honestly feel this way?
What, if anything, do you need to adjust?
Was I truthful in everything I shared with my partner today?
Did I omit any information from her?

Putting Together Syndication
Did I look for a deal today?
Did I look for a property manager today?
Did I look for an SEC attorney today?
Did I contact potential investors today?
Did I study one term today?
Did I watch a negotiation video today?

Increasing my Optimism
Did I have any negative thoughts about myself or my situation?
How did I handle that?
Did I turn a negative situation positive?


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2020 10:17 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2020 8:55 pm
Posts: 45
Lesson 15

I was able to see early in the couples stage that my partner is vulnerable, and I was able to experience that with the exercise of me taking care of her physical needs. That was a very powerful exercise to help me see the vulnerable position she can be in. I have learned and understood that I need to have certain values that come from within me in order to turn away from my addictive behavior. I learned how my actions are a result of not being able to manage my emotions correctly, which is still hard for me to see in my situation. I still feel like I do these actions out of sheer desire, rather than a coping mechanism, but I am still learning. I have come to realize just how much my religious upbringing has played a role in what my values ought to be, but now I'm in a crisis of what my values for my own self actually are. I know that I need to care about my life and have a vision of the future that I am looking to accomplish. This seems to be something that I will eventually care about more than I care about fulfilling my physical needs. I am seeing the correlation between having values and monitoring plans for myself to make sure that I stay focused, and a diminishing of those values that I feed into to continue negative behavior. I think the toughest battle for me that I am seeing within myself is my reasons for wanting to change. Up until now, it has been either because God wants me to, my parents want me to, or my partner wants me to. I am hoping that I can grow these values to a point where I want to focus on them more and, in turn, recover from the addiction. I am glad that this program seems to understand me more, because I have always needed to know why I am doing what I am doing.


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