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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2020 3:35 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
Primary motivation to recovery is I no longer want to live a lifestyle of relying on other men or romantic (unreal) notions that yield a false sense of self value/happiness. What temporary disguises itself as a high in reality is a major depressant, worse than alcohol. I’m committed to being my real self and having a full understanding, acceptance, forgiveness and living a real life. I’m committed to succeed. My past behavior was NOT normal!! I am actively pursuing my recovery. I am eliminating my addictive patterns and taking responsibility for where my life is headed. I hate the past behavior, the real me is applauded,
1. I have actively committed myself to change. I’m working with several therapists, doing the workshops in Recovery Nation, and attending an intense therapy program. Journaling, committed to daily work and doing things to reenergize and stay positive. I’m reaching out to people I know can help and showing and practicing loving behavior
2. Constantly reminding myself not to allow guilt and shame to impede my commitment. Remind myself I have the tools and awareness now that I never did before.
3. Asking for patience and grace daily

B.
1. to allow my real self to live a purpose driven life
2. to see my true value and embrace the positive contribution to make other’s lives better including my own
3. live with integrity
4. Knowing I am honest will not only free me of negative thoughts about myself it will allow me to have positive behaviors towards others
5. I want people to see and feel good and feel safe in my presence
6. to be honest and open with my husband
7. to be able to inspire hope in myself and others
8. to increase self esteem
9. to increase self confidence
10. to reduce anxiety to think clearly and have a better memory
11. to feel and see strength of my spirit
12. to be healthier both mind and body
13. authenticity and integrity have no secrets


I have cried for the child and know I am the only one that can help her, I know she deserves true love, unconditional love


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2020 3:35 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
#2 Establishing a Healthy Vision

My vision is based on the REAL me.
The REAL me loves and adores my husband, family, friends and neighbors
The REAL me is faithful, honest and loyal
The REAL appreciates and expresses gratitude for all my blessings
The REAL me knows I am a child of God and feels his presence and unwavering love
The REAL me values the kind and compassionate person that I am
The REAL me has the ability to work tirelessly to achieve a healthy way of life
The REAL me is accepting, forgiving, loving and affectionate
The REAL me is full of appreciation and grace
The REAL me wants the deepest connection with my husband, one that is bonded by a secure attachment, real love and healthy intimacy

My vision is to have a healthy, committed marriage, a strong bonded relationship with my children, family and friends and to faithfully serve God by serving others. To express my individuality through creative channels including my teaching career in Fashion.


Last edited by Faith Hope 20 on Sun Dec 20, 2020 8:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2020 6:17 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
#3 VALUES

Practical Values: measure through daily interaction with other people places/events
Universal Values: serve to produce the foundation of a person's identity

A. Self Respect and Integrity
1. Being dedicated
2. Developing intellectual depth
3. Living with integrity
4. Providing quality in my work
5. Being respected as a professional by others
6. Being dependable
7. Being reliable
8. Honesty- being known as truthful and honest
9. Humbleness
10. Being challenged, overcoming challenges
11. Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
12. Being a teacher/mentor
13. Being validated by others
14. Being respected
15. Being known as reliable
16. Expressing grace and appreciation
17. Wisdom
18. Teaching appreciation for art/fashion
19. Improving my social interactions
20. Fidelity
21. Intellectual growth, communication
22. Experience in conflict resolution
23. Accepting responsibility for living my life
24. Sense of accomplishment
25. Forgiveness
26. Realistic
27. Personal growth and development
28. Self discipline

B. Meaning
29. Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
30. Integrating religion into my day-to-day life
31. Attend church service once a week
32. Volunteer at church
33. Connecting to purpose, meaning of life: read and implement Purpose Driven Life book

C. Intimacy
34. Strengthening my role as a partner to my husband
35. Being playful
36. Physical pleasure
37. Sexual intimacy/contact
38. Feeling sexually desired
39. Making my husband feel sexually wanted/desired
40. Vulnerability

D. Health
41. Being tenacious in my pursuit of managing my health
42. Taking care of myself
43. Taking proper vitamins/medicines routinely
44. Developing emotional activity
45. Physical health / workout 3x weekly
46. Drink 8 glasses of water daily

E. Love
47. Living with compassion
48. Showing appreciation towards my children and others
49. Showing grace and forgiveness towards my children and others and self
50. Bring joy to my children and others
51. Serve others
52. Being considerate of my children, others and self
53. Being a role model to family
54. Loving others and accepting love by others including unconditional love
55. Feeling appreciated
56. Developing sustained friendships
57. Connect to my own feelings
58. Instilling healthy values to my children
59. Open minded and having tolerance to beliefs and values of others
60. Taking care of others needs

F. Identity
61. Sharing my true self with those around me
62. Being an inspiration to others
63. Establishing competence in my field
64. Working as part of a team
65. Having a sense of humor
66. Creativity
67. Strive for excellence
68. Physical beauty
69. Feeling feminine
70. Feeling empowered
71. Passionate about life
72. Indulging in creative inspiration and development
73. Nurturing children/students creativity
74. Appreciating natural beauty/nature
75. Organization
76. accept my age and age gracefully
77. Experience uniqueness
78. Curiosity
79. Physical attraction/beauty at all ages


Last edited by Faith Hope 20 on Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2020 9:21 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
#4 Prioritize Values

1. Living with integrity
2. Honesty-being known as truthful and honest
3.Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
4. Expressing spirituality daily
5. Strengthening my role as a partner to my husband
6. Strengthening my role as a mother to my children
7. Being tenacious in my pursuit of managing my health
8. Emotional and sexual intimacy with my husband
9. Living with compassion
10. Showing grace and forgiveness with others and self
11. Experience in conflict resolution
12. Being known as trustworthy and reliable
13. Loving my husband and adult children unconditionally
14. Developing sustained friendships
15. Expressing creativity


Last edited by Faith Hope 20 on Sat Dec 26, 2020 12:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2020 1:09 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
Lesson #5 Identifying Incongruent Values

Getting Married:
Values:
Honesty with partner
Intimacy- strengthening my role with my husband
Experience in conflict resolution
Being reliable
Physical and emotional intimacy
Showing grace and forgiveness
Showing loving behaviors toward my husband
Living with integrity
Achieving a healthy secure attachment style
Active thought and energy for my husband

Loving myself and being healthy both emotionally and physically:
Values:
Living with Integrity
Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
Being tenacious in my pursuit of managing my health
Living with appreciation
Controling and managing feelings of anger
Conscious awareness of self
Forgiveness
Acceptance
Grace
Understanding
Taking care of myself
Developing emotional activity
Taking proper vitamins/medicines routinely
Working out on a regular basis


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2020 1:56 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
#6 Proactive Plan

Being tenacious in my pursuit of managing my health emotionally and physically

1. Practice mediating
2. Continue therapy 2x a week
3. Attend the intense program
4. Continue workshops on Recovery Nation
5. Exercise 3x a week
6. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
7. Take vitamins and meds routinely
8. Focus on positive improvement
9. Eat green vegetables daily
10. Stretch daily
11. reach out to my sister for positive affirmations and encouragements at the same time listen and help her with her problems/issues even if it is just listening

Expressing Creativity

1. set up work station for creative projects
2. set time aside weekly to work on cards
3. set aside time to work on photos
4. start list of rooms that need to be completed
5. make list of ideas for each room
6. sew
7. bring creativity to the bedroom


Last edited by Faith Hope 20 on Sun Dec 27, 2020 3:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2020 10:26 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 459
Hi FH,

Welcome to RN.

You appear to be off to a good start. We recommend reading at least 3 lessons and undertaking the exercises each week in order to maintain some sort of momentum. The tools are here for you to make a full recovery and I hope that you take advantage of them. Help is on hand if you get stuck or need assistance, just post a note to your thread. Coaches and mentors will stop by from time to time to offer thoughts and feedback but if you don't hear for a while then don't worry, it will just mean that you seem to be on track.

Good luck and I look forward to monitoring your progress.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2020 10:38 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
Thank You!


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 27, 2020 10:57 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
Lesson 7 Building Proactive Action Plans II

1. Living with Integrity and Honesty
• Say what I do, do what I say
• Live as my best self
• Be honest with husband
• Be honest with K
• Be honest with H
• Be honest with C
• Be honest with friends
• Be honest family members
• Try to make sound decisions based on values
• Don’t gossip
• Encourage others not to gossip
• Always speak about others as if they are in the room
• Work on a clear vision of my life’s purpose
• Practice time management so that I am not late
• Write appointments in my calendar so I don’t miss any
• Keep my commitments
• Daily check Snaps to respond to H
• Respond timely to text messages
• Practice separating feelings from facts before making a decision
• Be honest in asking for more time before expressing my feelings
• Listen to needs of husband ask how I can help
• Listen to needs of K ask how I can help
• Listen to needs of H ask how I can help
• Listen to needs of C ask how I can help
• Listen to needs of friends ask how I can help
• Listen to needs of friends ask how I can help
• Volunteer work 1x a month starting February
• Acknowledge my mistakes and apologize
• Respect opinions of others even if don’t agree
• Give credit to others when they have done something good or helpful
• Show gratitude
• Show appreciation
• Try to take helpful criticism with an open mind
• Practice consistency and reliability
• Be transparent

2. Overcoming/Surviving personal Struggles
• Ask for help from my sister KA
• Ask for help from my sister KJ
• Go to counseling 2x a week
• Attend intensive program
• Schedule marriage counseling
• Continue reading and working out of workbook “Conquer your Critical Inner Voice”
• Continue reading “Ready to Heal”
• Reread “Come as You Are”

3. Practice my Christian faith
• Pray 2x a day
• Attend church weekly
• Read daily devotional nightly
• Ask WWJD before making a decision


4. Strengthening my role as a partner to my husband
• Be transparent
• Be honest and open
• Express feelings
• Listen intently
• Loving acts of kindness: laundry, making breakfast/lunch /dinner
• Take initiative to be affectionate
• Take initiative to have sex
• Smile and be inviting
• Attend church together
• Make it a ritual to read scripture every night
• Show an interest in his work by asking good questions
• Work on correcting my attachment style
• Read more on healthy intimacy
• Talk more about healthy intimacy
• Schedule marriage counseling
• Be realistic about my expectations of him and myself
• Take the time to recognize the facts before being critical
• Love him physically
• Love him emotionally
• Show gratitude for the things he does
• Show appreciation for the things he does
• Compliment him
• Make him smile/laugh
• Show genuine interest in his health
• Take care of him when he is sick
• Empathize with his pain
• Acknowledge his struggles growing up yet honor who he is and what he stands for
• Seek his opinion
• Be patient
• Take care of the house and schedule maintenances
• Speak positive affirmations
• Speak his love language daily
• Share short term and long-term goals
• Do not speak negatively about him to anyone
• Be attentive to his needs

5. Strengthening my role as a mother to adult children
• Call 1 regularly
• Call 2 regularly
• Call 3 regularly
• Respond timely to 1’s texts/calls
• Respond timely to 2’s texts/calls
• Respond timely to 3’s texts/calls
• Listen intently to 1’s needs offer help be specific
• Listen intently to 2’s needs offer help be specific
• Listen intently to 3’s needs offer help be specific
• Allow and honor 1’s space when needed
• Allow and honor 2’s space when needed
• Allow and honor 3’s space when needed
• Lead by example
• Show resilience
• Send positive affirmations and words of encouragement often
• Stay on a healthy path
• Share milestones
• Celebrate their achievements
• Empathize with struggles
• Encourage and invite them to attend church
• Love them unconditionally
• Show love to 1 especially in their language
• Show love to 2 especially in their language
• Show love to 3 especially in their language
• Invite them to dinner as frequent as possible
• Send 2 cards at least 2x monthly
• Attend 3’s sporting events
• Sew/mend their clothing when needed

6. Being tenacious in my pursuit of managing my health
• Practice mediating
• Continue therapy 2x a week
• Attend the intense program
• Continue workshops on Recovery Nation
• Exercise 3x a week
• Drink 8 glasses of water a day
• Take vitamins and meds routinely
• Focus on positive improvement
• Eat green vegetables daily
• Stretch daily
• Reach out to my sister for positive affirmations and encouragements at the same tome listen and help her with her problems/issues even if it is just listening

7. Emotional and Sexual Intimacy with my husband
• Make him the most important person in my life
• Protect him always
• Protect our relationship always
• Seek and see the qualities about him that deepen my intimacy with him
• Be vulnerable
• Be inviting
• Smile at him, smile with him
• Laugh together
• Encourage and support his activities
• Hold hands often
• Touch often
• Practice being quick to forgive
• Express my feelings
• Listen to his feelings
• No secrets
• Flirt
• Acknowledge his efforts
• Work on conflict resolution
• Kiss often/ goodnight/ good morning/ goodbye

8. Living with Compassion
• Do not judge
• Do not gossip
• Appreciate the good qualities in people don’t dwell on the bad
• Encourage kindness amongst students
• Encourage students to help each other
• Lead in encouraging thoughtfulness and respect for all
• Listen intently and offer a helping hand when needed
• Do favors without expecting them in return
• Wish others well
• Practice self-compassion
• Recycle
• Volunteer 1x monthly
• Try to be the bigger person
• Try to be accepting
• Try to be quick to forgive
• Try to be understanding
• Be respectful even when I don’t agree with someone’s opinion
• Put myself in others’ shoes
• Call/zoom with parents 1x weekly
• Respond in a timely manner to parents calls/texts
• Send thank you notes in a timely manner
• Send birthday cards/well wishes in a timely manner
• Send sympathy cards in a timely manner

9. Developing sustained friendships
• Plan coffee with H 1x monthly starting Feb
• Plan coffee with work group 1x monthly starting Feb
• Keep workout zoom with M weekly
• Respond to texts with friends in a timely manner
• Call/text H at least 1x week to see how she is
• Express appreciation and gratitude toward H often
• Express appreciation and gratitude toward J often
• Communicate mindfully and respectfully, listen just as much if not more than you talk
• Be open to constructive criticism
• Keep your promises
• Hold friends responsible for their promises to me
• Try to respect boundaries
• Speak highly of friends putting them in a positive light (pretend they are in the room)
• Give friends the benefit of the doubt
• Disclose my strengths and weaknesses and encourage friends to do the same
• Resolve disagreements in mature way
• Agree to disagree
• Bring joy and positive attitude
• Be encouraging

10. Express creativity
• Set up work station for creative projects
• Set time aside weekly to work on cards
• Set aside time to work on photos
• Start list of rooms that need to be completed
• Make list of ideas for each room
• Sew
• Bring creativity to the bedroom


Last edited by Faith Hope 20 on Mon Dec 28, 2020 4:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 28, 2020 11:52 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Oct 04, 2019 3:29 pm
Posts: 119
Hi Faith Hope

I'll add my welcome to L2R's and say well done on your initial progress, especially during such a busy time of the year. That demonstrates a real desire to get stuck into this workshop. It can be easy to let it slide over time though, so do keep up that same level of commitment to get the most from the lessons.

I'm really impressed with the level of detail in your work on Proactive Action Plans. Although my first thought is that they are perhaps too comprehensive and could potentially start to drag you down? For instance, your first Action Plan contains over 30 different elements. They are all fantastic aims to work towards, but there can be a danger of feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of things you're trying to work towards, and also feeling guilty and negative abut yourself if you're not able to meet all of those expectations at once. It might be an idea to try and refine them down to less than 10 clear goals under each heading so you can consciously work on those particular elements? I know for myself that I make greater progress when I keep things simple rather than over-complicating them.

Otherwise, keep up the good work and I look forward to keeping an eye on your progress.

Stay safe.

Tim


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 28, 2020 2:54 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
Thank you for your encouraging words, I really appreciate them! My understanding of the lesson was to list ways/tasks I intend to achieve and live out that value and at the same time don't expect to achieve them all at once. Perhaps now I can go back and highlight ten in each. I'll be honest, while I was doing my list none of them seem overwhelming to me and more like common sense! Many I listed overlap and I have been living and doing naturally.
Thank you for your advise, I will review them.

FH


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 11:38 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
Lesson 10
18 month emotional affair with R during which only saw him in person 3x and only kissed (now over 4 months ago)
2016 kissed K
2010 kissed T
2003 let R kiss me
2002 one night close oral w J, continued to email 8 months then once a year to wish well, never saw him in person


emails from work computer, no sexual content


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:21 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2020 12:52 am
Posts: 16
I've completed a 5 day intensive where I found out that I have a fantasy addiction. I am trying to figure out what that is...


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