Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:38 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Lesson 43 Urges
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 3:07 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 53
As part of this lesson we are being encouraged to use the community forum to ask questions about urges. At the present time I can very much feel like I am in a transition from the old emotions based me to a new values based me. I have not acted out since I started RN nearly 2 months ago which I feel quite good about. A lot of the time I feel confident that I can focus on my values and be fine moving forwards but then something that would previously have caused a trigger happens (e.g. I see an attractive female) and my mind immediately tries to fantasise and I can feel a rush of excitement. I then block it off and distract myself and it goes away. All of this happens in a split second which seems to be the direction I need to be headed in but I still find the allure of the rush very appealing. I completely understand that getting your head around the preference of longer term values over short term emotions is what we are aiming for but I guess my question is whether the rush and excitement of a wrong thought popping into your head will ever diminish? I would welcome any comments in particular anyone who has gone further in the lessons than me and can share their experiences.

L2R


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Lesson 43 Urges
PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:47 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:57 pm
Posts: 317
Hi L2R,

learningtorun wrote:
I see an attractive female) and my mind immediately tries to fantasise and I can feel a rush of excitement. I then block it off and distract myself and it goes away. All of this happens in a split second

To me, this is an underprocessed trigger. You say that you distract yourself and it goes away, now you remember what happened and you begin to process the trigger. Part of the processing includes going back to your values and evaluating how these feelings fit in. You can look at what you get out of that trigger, and I see you get emotional stimulation that you like. Is this something you think you need? Think about what's missing. By knowing that it happens, you can evaluate your boundaries, and from there you can start thinking about it differently.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Lesson 43 Urges
PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:37 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 53
Thanks Rel8ted2, that's very helpful.

I have given it some further thought and something interesting occurred to me. I used to smoke and drink to excess but I have stopped both of those now (drinking over a year ago and smoking many years ago). With both of these I can see that I used to get emotional stimulation at the thought of going out for a few beers and also nipping outside for a smoke. I have successfully overcome both of these addictions and I don't miss either of them now. When I watch someone drinking or smoking I don't feel like I am missing out on anything and so I don't feel deprived. When I tried to use that mentality towards overcoming SA in the past it never worked as I felt that I couldn't switch off the "I like" valve.

In light of your message though and taking into account recent lessons I see that I have not been viewing this the correct way. In reality, I have (probably subconsciously) realised that drinking and smoking had both affected the life I wanted to lead adversely as both caused me problems with excessive usage. In RN language I clearly realised that these two substances did not allow me to satisfy my values and were violating my boundaries. I have therefore eradicated both so that my boundaries remain in tact. As such, if I look at the emotional stimulation derived from urges then in reality they are no different from the urges I used to get from cigarettes and alcohol, if I can mentally process that these urges take me away from my values then I should be able to overcome the emotional stimulation that I perceive I derive from them. For some reason having one approach that would apply consistently to all of my 3 addictions makes it easier to process. I will continue to absorb that thought process.

Thanks again for your comments, it is probably a bit "duh!" to anyone else reading this but I think I just got my mind tied up in a knot before.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group