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PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2014 5:37 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:54 am
Posts: 1377
HI All

I hope this finds you all well out there. I wanted to post something - with joy and humility - in the hope that it offers some hope for others. I dont mean this post to sound arrogant. If anything it has redoubled my determination to live the lessons I learned here.

Two weeks ago my wife and I had our first child - a small, loud, rather hairy daughter.

It is no exaggeration to say that without Recovery Nation this person would not exist. Three or so years ago, we both came here to save our marriage after she discovered my addiction to internet pornography.

One Christmas, a year later, after I relapsed - I snuck off to use my dad's computer during Christmas dinner to download porn - she told me she wanted to end the marriage.

I begged forgivemess and learned one of the most important lessons I could have. That I had a problem, that I was out of control and that I needed to regain that control if I wanted to live the life I saw in my vision here.

Somewhere then I realised the truth of RN - which is different for all of us - that our addiction was created and shaped by us. That is was a series of choices themselves shaped by years of habit and desperatioon and fear.

All - all!! - I needed to do was learn new choices - how to make them under pressure of an urge. To see my values clearly and sharply everyday. For them to be my life raft when the seas of trouble got choppy.

It took time. I made many, many, many mistakes.

But i am getting there.

And you can too. Just make that choice. Learn to be calm when under pressure. Decide to be honest no matter how difficult. Anything else is really a waste of your time. Get those plans - make those values. Then go out into the world and practice, practice, practice them.

Thank you RN - Coach Jon, Cheryl, Sandalwood and Mel. To my friend Kenzo and Boundless who have given me hell when I needed it and advice when I needed it more.

Most of all to my wife - who believed in me when I didnt, and she didnt want to. Who stuck with me, saw the best in me, and gave me second, third, fourth chances. WHo understood RN before I did and helped me understand when I got it wrong.

I salute you all.

Shaw


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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2014 8:06 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:56 am
Posts: 849
Location: Sweden
Thank you Shaw for this post.

I will read it out loud at my twelve step meeting this afternoon. Truly inspirational.


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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2014 11:45 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:56 am
Posts: 849
Location: Sweden
And of course, congrats!


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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2014 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 3:06 am
Posts: 518
thanks Shaw! Your inner work is a great gift for yourself, others, and the world and now your child and wife, awesome!


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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2014 7:12 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:54 am
Posts: 1377
Thank you both - Baltazar, I am really honoured.

It suddenly struck me last night talking to my wife how much I owe this place. She feels the same about the partners' side. I have not been here as a mentor as much as I would have liked of late but will do my best. I received such good help and want to repay this in some small way.

My main reason for posting was simply - If I can get this far (and I still have work to do), anyone can.

It has taken years of mistakes, arguments, disilliusion, anger, frustration, breakthroughs, joy, understanding, relapses, cruelty, stupidity, patience and work to get anywhere.

But RN offers a path - you have to shape it and then walk it - but there is a way out. Trust to the lessons. Trust to your plans, to the best version of yourself, even when you can't see that person.

Thanks again both.

Shaw


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PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 6:04 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3745
Location: UK
Hey my friend
great news
congratulations
look after both of your ladies and look after you (of course I know you will)

fly , embrace the beauty of a healthy mind and body

remember your priorities and never forget where you could have been

Inspirational post from an inspired man

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 5:21 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:13 am
Posts: 687
OMG!!!! I am teary congratulations!!! Yes that's what kids and great support will do to us bring out the best:) and it seems hospital staff is required to be awful, u guys did not dispite them, right on. Wish we could see the baby and send presents. Have fun and rest whenever u can. Beautiful!!!

_________________
"When everything else is stripped away the essential is reveled." B.K.S. Iyengar


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 6:05 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:13 am
Posts: 687
Coach Martin, I got caught up in the excitement, just reread your post. Many,many women have a really hard time and while not fun the psychosis happens more than anyone would guess, hormones and neurotransmitters go haywire. Hope she is recovering OK. Must be exhasted like u. Peace

_________________
"When everything else is stripped away the essential is reveled." B.K.S. Iyengar


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 1:26 am 
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General Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:47 pm
Posts: 694
WOW, congratulations! I wish you all the best, to you, to your wife and to the little one!
As for you being the best dad you can be, I have absolutely no doubt about that.
I celebrate with you!

_________________
"A wholehearted attention feels like the nurturing presence that I always wished I had in a parent. Now I am free to be there for myself in a way that I assumed I needed from someone else." Tara Bennett-Goleman, Emotional Alchemy


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 1:54 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:56 am
Posts: 849
Location: Sweden
Thanks guys! No need to send presents Theadog ;), but if you want to do something in the honour of my daughter I think she would appreciate it if you donated money to the millions of people fleeing Syria and Iraq at the moment.

We're resting and it's finally slowing down. All she does now is sleep and eat, sleep and eat. And makes me change her diaper. Sometimes she looks up at me with big black eyes and thralls me. That about sums her hobbies up at the moment.

:g:


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 5:53 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:13 am
Posts: 687
Coach Martin, thank u for the update, I was wondering how it was going, excellant hobbies she has:). My daughter is also so sadden by the refugee situation, I will tell her and she will want to donate also, they were coming back from Dubai and were in the Paris airport 12 hours after bombings. Puts my little complaints in perspective! We will have fun doing it in celebration! Keep us updated!

_________________
"When everything else is stripped away the essential is reveled." B.K.S. Iyengar


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