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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 11:08 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 31, 2014 11:17 pm
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This may seem like a stupid question...and perhaps a part of me is trying to rationalize not doing daily role-playing of mapped rituals...but I do feel like I genuinely have trouble visualizing my rituals at this point, and so role playing seems to be this vague, fragmented exercise with no real connection to my life.

It's been months since I've performed my primary compulsive ritual of masturbating to porn. I have distanced myself from my compulsive behavior to such an extent that the memories have become very hazy. As the vividness of these memories continues to diminish, I am left wondering how to effectively use the role playing technique. It doesn't seem very relevant to my current life to imagine a scenario in which I feel compelled to masturbate. I don't even know what that would look like anymore...the last time I masturbated to porn I was living in a different place...my life was significantly different...and so if I were to imagine that again, it would feel so disconnected from my current life and would not really have any meaning.

Am I missing some key part of the role playing exercise? Or am I just making excuses? I'm really trying to be honest with myself here...I just don't even know what kind of a movie to play in my head when role playing now...because that behavior is so distant in my memory, I don't know how to recreate that situation in a way that is consistent with my current understanding of my emotions/my current lifestyle.

Does anyone have any advice on this?


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 6:25 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2014 6:37 pm
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Hi TFR,

My first thought on reading your post was that role playing doesn't need to be about porn and masturbation only but about any part of your life you think can be improved upon.

I've used role playing to help with scanning and objectifying, how to respond in a situation where I felt pressure to go against my value, to help with upcoming known events that i know might be difficult but really it can be about anything. If you see an area of your life that you feel needs improvement or if you weren't happy with the way you responded in any given situation, you can role play that event with a healthy response. This may not be exactly the way job describes using it but I feel this has helped my recovery immensely. Without role playing I am just waiting for these events to happen and then hoping I will respond the way I want to. With it I feel better prepared to handle these situations. The emotions aren't present when I role play so real life events are somewhat different but I think it gives me an edge.

Anyway, hope this helps some.

_________________
It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. -David Henry Thoreau


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2015 11:24 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:13 am
Posts: 687
Hi I use the role playing and visualizing success like been there done that wrote. I am currently also. aware, mapping rituals of "lesser" compulsions that leave door open to return to the big one, it is the same thought process. Feeling, thought perception, what to do (values, work, eat, intellectualize, feel it, sit with it, examine it, distract, do yoga, medate, talk write?) Currently using it on cigs.

What u describe about forgetting is one.of the reasons I work with people earlier in the workshop than me, it brings it back for me, keeps it real.

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"When everything else is stripped away the essential is reveled." B.K.S. Iyengar


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2015 3:52 am 
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Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:26 pm
Posts: 189
Hi Timeforrecovery1169

I just felt compelled to add on to the wisdom already shared by Beenthere.donethat and Theadog. What they are saying is that recovery should not be in a silo but rather be a part of your whole existence. Being able to stop watching porn or any other unhealthy addictive behaviours does not necessarily mean you are recovered if your perception about those things does not change.
In a nutshell, role playing should help you to understand the emotions or as you put it, mapping the rituals. As Beenthere.donethat says, it should not be about the acting out as such but rather look at what causes you to act out? What are the emotions you feel prior to deciding on acting out, so the role playing becomes a mechanism in assisting you to put a breaking point in your thought process and also realise or identify your point of no return. It provides you with the opportunity to reflect upon and process the thoughts, feelings and emotions prior to and after acting out.
So you put yourself or imagine yourself in a situation that is likely to lead to you acting out then role play that by trying to elicit the emotions or feelings that go with that. In this way you have control of the situation and if this is repeated in all kinds of situations it helps you to built a whole new way of dealing with your emotions and having full control.

I hope this makes sense and that it will be helpful

Best wishes for your journey

_________________
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.


Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.


Carl Jung


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2015 8:10 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
I totally relate to the haziness of the specifics of much of my acting out which ended 17 months ago . . .when I am questioned by my wife about specifics I honestly have forgotten many of the specifics of what I did . . . the sad part is that in my transparency of answering all of her questions regarding my times with whores ( i understand there is debate about how much I should have shared, but I am married to who I am) she remembers every detail . . .I think that at times I was kind of in a trance of unbelief that I was really doing the things that I was doing . . .I also believe that the focusing on positive values and the incredible relief of not living a double life any longer has freed me from much of at least the details . . .

I can still recall the scanning rituals that I still deal with although don't follow through with at this point a year and half down the road . . .unfortunately that was a 30 year habit that I always passed off as I needed to supervise and be aware of everything going on around me in my job . . . still doing that a bit but mostly seeing new positive things rather than scoping the potential of who was out there.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 2:33 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:54 am
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Hi Dback

A really good question. I found the role playing really important. It was like rehearsing for a big performance. Like Thea, I tended to practice positive, healthy responses to stress. I personally dont think you have to set up a sexual ritual and then turn away. instead, we can all relate to the emotions that USED to prompt us acting out.

I used to imagine moving to the computer and then practicsed in the safety of my calm dispostion my own response - stop, deep breath, thought, getting in touch with the reality of my surroundings (not the chaos of my feelings), Come down to earth in other words.

The more i did this the more I had to draw on when I really was stressed. I guess it is why sports people practice and practice so when they are under pressure they have the memory and the experience to fall back on.

For me what was important was to do this when I was calm. But also to DO it - to perform it, to act it out if you know what I mean. Not just think about it but go through my action plan - move and walk and talk to myself.

In a way it is good that you feel out of touch with your old rituals, but as I say I personally dont think the role playing means you have to recreate every condition. Get to the emotional triggers in your negative rituals - anxiety, sadness etc. And go from there.

Shaw


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:46 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
Thanks for the input . . I have been out of state and away from consistent internet for a while . . I appreciate your insights and input into the whole subject . . it made sense to me.


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