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PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 11:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
and I think they should be going my way . . .


When things are not going the way I would like them to remember the words of one of the guys who has walked the road before me . . .

I need to read these periodically to keep perspective and not get discouraged, sulk, whine, complain, use excuses to act like I used to and be thankful for what I do have, not focusing on what I don't have . . .

thanks, my friend for these words . . .

From "Thisiscumbersome"

Quote:
Most of us in recovery have been or are in the same situation as you are. We always try to control the situation so we have desirable outcomes. But of course the results are always far from ideal. As a result we spend far too much time and energy in monitoring our partners so we say or do "the right thing". We have good intentions but is that really what they need? Or how does that really help us in our recovery? Mind you, what we have done to our partners is despicable, what they call us or see us as is our own doing, we have put that in their minds, so instead of us getting angry at them or expecting praise for our efforts, we ought to accept what we have done and really own our shit. We can never really understand the pain and damage we have caused our partners. But if we own it, we gain a better understanding and with that we can be truly remorseful.
What we need to realize is that the mere fact that they are still around, they care and therefore we ought to acknowledge that. The most important thing though is to give them space and be understanding, there will be times when they will praise your efforts and times when the memories of the past will just be too much to handle. This can only be achieved by owning your shit and genuinely pursuing a recovery that is motivated from within you, a desire to be a good man irregardless of the relationship.
So focus on building your values, be compassionate and do not be discouraged, try to imagine the situation reversed, how would you have felt or reacted


This is helpful and hopeful for me . . .hope it helps another . . .


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 04, 2015 6:36 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
It is interesting how easy it is to fall prey to the emotions and feelings of what I need to feel better about the situation that I actually created . . .keep reading the post above . . be thankful for what I have and keep moving forward restoring bits and pieces at a time through my actions, not my words.

Realize this . . . and internalize these words . . .

There are way to many "I"s in these sentences . . .but these are things that "I" need to remember . . .

I try so often to control the situation so there might be desirable outcomes for me. When I do this the outcome is almost always disastrous. I spend too much time and energy in monitoring you and where you are and then try to say or do "the right thing", instead of just being the me that I should be. I have good intentions and I mean what I say, but that is not helpful and it doesn't really help my recovery?
What I have done to you is despicable, what you call me or how you see me is my own doing, I have put that in your mind. I need to continue to recognize what I have done and own it. I need to remember that I can never really understand the pain and damage I have caused our you.
I need to remember that the fact that you are still with me and that you care for our family so much. I need to listen, give you the space you need and be understanding as much as I am able to understand your thoughts and feelings. I need to genuinely pursue actions, attitudes and a recovery that is motivated from within myself, a desire to internalize positive values and continue to do right, irregardless of the situations that present themselves.
I need to continue to focus on building and internalizing positive values, be compassionate, understanding and listening without being discouraged in myself.
I love you and want to heal myself and hopefully us in any way that we possibly can.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:48 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
Remember these things! Don't forget!


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