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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:57 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:13 am
Posts: 687
Hello all,
This is from Patrick Carnes one of the first to research and work with sexual addiction. I think it is especially helpful for those of us who feel we are beyond hope, redemption, recovery or a life. Thought this was really interesting and always good to remember, we all have a lot going on within ourselves. The great news is jon absolutely created the antidote for this stuff, we are in expert hands, he covers all this in the workshop.


These traits are mainly from a study of nearly 1,000 sex addicts.13 Critical characteristics include the following: •

Distrust of authority. Most patients are from dysfunctional families who have a significant problem with addictive and compulsive disorders. Only 13% of the families of origin have no addictions or compulsive disorders reported. Children who grow up in dysfunctional families are extremely rigid and controlling. Children from these families tend not to develop normal abilities of selflimitation and responsibility, To comply with authority means an essential loss of self. As adults, they are comfortable hiding things from those in authority and are resistant to accountability. •

Intimacy deficit. More than 87% of these patients come from disengaged family environment in which family members are detached, uninvolved, or emotionally absent. Compulsive sexual behavior is a sign of a significant intimacy disorder and the inability to meet emotional needs. •

Post-traumatic stress disorder. Sexually compulsive patient often have a history of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse. Addictions become a way to manage their stress disorder and may include repeating the trauma compulsively. • Extreme eroticization. One of the effects of abusive families and childhood sexual abuse is that, as adults, survivors sexualize all interactions. They often sense that other people do not have the same relationship filters they do, which adds to their sense of shame. •

Shame-based sense of self. Shame stems from a failure to achieve a positive sense of self and profound belief in one’s lack of worth. The constant failure to stop the behavior you hate confirms your belief that you are fundamentally flawed and unlovable. •

Compartmentalization. A survival mechanism for abused children is to compartmentalize in order to avoid reality. For adults this means dividing up life into compartments. This explains both a person who believes that no none will discover their sexual behavior as well as a person who can lie to others without distress.14 •
Compulsive cycles. Most addicts (72%) binge and then feel despair-much like a person with bulimia will binge and purge. For example, a number of clergymen preach against promiscuity or some sexual behavior only to be discovered engaging in or arrested for that behavior. In their public pronouncements they were purging, while privately they were clearly binging. These cycles add to both shame and compartmentalizing.

Self-destructive behavior. Many patients report high-risk behaviors, which result in severe consequences, such as loss of career or arrest. Children who are sexually abused often integrate fear into their arousal patterns. For sex to work for these adults, it has to have a fear component, which results in riskseeking sex. Frequently, these patients reported knowing their behavior would be disastrous, but engaged in it anyways. •

Other addictions or compulsions. Seldom do these patients have only a sexual problem. For example. 41% have problems with alcohol or drugs, and 38% have an eating disorder. Other problems include compulsive gambling, compulsive spending, and nicotine addiction. Usually, compulsive sexual behavior is part of an intricate wave of behaviors to manage internal distress. For example, one study has shown a close connection between cocaine use and sexual acting out.15 Various reports also document switching or replacing one set of addictive/compulsive behaviors with another set.16 17 •

Concomitant mental health disorders: These patients often have a co morbid psychiatric disorder. As with all addictive and compulsive disorders, there often is acute depression that is constantly intensified by the failure to control sexual behavior. Other issues include other mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and abnormal personality traits, all of which complicate treatment planning.

_________________
"When everything else is stripped away the essential is reveled." B.K.S. Iyengar


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 6:55 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3793
Location: UK
TaD
great highlight
Quote:
we are in expert hands

actually we are in our own hands but the expert (certainly my life saviour for sure) shows us the way
in brief as addicts we believe that we have no choice
THE COACH
and many subsequent members of this community have proven otherwise
TaD if only one doubter reads this and decides to choose for himself then the post is priceless

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Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 2:18 am 
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General Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:47 pm
Posts: 694
This is what has happened, not who we are. We are yet to establish or fortify who we are.

Many thanks, Theadog, very good info, I'm sure I'll keep referring to it now and again.

_________________
"A wholehearted attention feels like the nurturing presence that I always wished I had in a parent. Now I am free to be there for myself in a way that I assumed I needed from someone else." Tara Bennett-Goleman, Emotional Alchemy


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