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 Post subject: 2016
PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2015 5:22 pm 
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Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:43 am
Posts: 110
Hi All, Ive not posted for a while and certainly not asked for advice recently. There is question that I would dearly like some advice on......

I origionally ame to RN with a porn problem. I was obsessed with viewing porn and obsessive mastrubation. Over the course of three years I have conquered this and porn no longer has a part to play in my life. However the objectification of women has continued to be a problem that has ruined my marriage and continues to cause problems.

I continue to take any oppertunity to look at other women, indeed I seek out women to get sexual stimulation from it in its tiniest form. I may look at a pair of heels or a short skirt and get some sort of buzz from it. There is no mastrubating or contact associated with this action just basically "looking". What is the matter with me and why do I find it so difficult to get past. My wife is beautifull and we have a fulfilling sex life so WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!

I really am at my wits end and I just dont know what to do. Any guidence would be well recieved.


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 Post subject: Re: 2016
PostPosted: Mon Dec 28, 2015 3:40 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
It is always the same game - immediate gratification.
Your objectification of women, scanning and staring has all one purpose - sourcing energy. Nothing else.

Maybe you want to read this thread:
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=24054

Improve your values. Improve your value based decision making. Do personal growth.
Did you work through the workshop completely?


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 Post subject: Re: 2016
PostPosted: Tue Dec 29, 2015 11:59 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2013 12:26 pm
Posts: 189
Hi Forwardcontrol

This is a typical addict trait of letting go of some behaviors and still retaining some especially the borderline ones. What we need is full commitment to eradicate all destructive behaviors. Use the same determination and commitment that got you to stop watching or desiring porn.
Stop and think for one moment what you really want to achieve, don't think about your wife or family but just yourself, imagine that you don't have a wife or family then see if your attitude to your recovery is still the same without their influence. Your attitude and motivation from within will help you stop whatever other behaviors you are still engaging in. Right now you give yourself excuses to look or scan, In my own experience, I had to change my attitude, the way I viewed women and my motivations to be a better person, slowly I started to work on changing my thought process when faced with potential scanning situations by having a replacement statement that I repeated in my head and with that I reflected on my values especially the value of respect. This of course was dependent on my awareness of the situation developing and implementing the action before I got sucked in. I would suggest you revisit the lessons especially on values and urge control and awareness.
You can stop if you really want to do it for yourself

I hope this helps, best wishes

_________________
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.


Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.


Carl Jung


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 Post subject: Re: 2016
PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2016 3:10 pm 
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Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:43 am
Posts: 110
Thanks All, these are great responses and have helped me no end. The link in one of the responses is particulally good and I have spent a good half hour reading through and making notes, responses there are me personified and I have made notes to help me reconsider what I am achieving.

Thanks again all

I'm gong back to the link now to read it again as I think most of it has a bearing on my actions


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