Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Fri Feb 22, 2019 6:16 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Fri Feb 12, 2016 9:49 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2015 12:57 am
Posts: 42
Written two days ago:

Today I had the most serious slip I’ve experienced in a long time; I followed an ambiguous link (probably should have known better) and ended up on a porn video. Since it’s been a long time since I’ve been faced with the presence of such pornographic material, I think my brain just didn’t know how to react; it’s not a situation I’ve been actively dealing with since I stopped watching porn a long time ago. So I sat there watching it for a bit before turning it off. And then I realised that I’d been getting stimulated by it, and now had the urge to either seek out more porn (very against my boundaries) or go and MB over my partner (not against my boundaries, but when done to derail urges isn’t the healthiest choice, because it still acts as a reward to the ritual).
I found myself beating myself up a lot for not being more mindful of my browsing and not closing the window immediately, so I tried to pay attention to that and ease myself into the more helpful state of mind where I take ownership of my behaviours but don’t judge myself. Which is really difficult. I was afraid that if I stayed in the house I’d continue to struggle with my emotions, so after doing a little journalling I decided to go out and get a haircut. That helped.

Now it’s the evening. I’m feeling anxious about talking to my partner tonight in the knowledge that this is something I need to talk to her about. I have a visceral fear of being judged and rejected by her, despite the repeated examples of that not being the case, and that the only thing she takes really badly is being lied to. I’ve tried really hard today to make sure that I deal with this incident honestly and proactively, which has been hard because I’m still feeling like it makes me a bad person or a failure. In future I would like my response to be the recognition that watching such a video is against my personal values, and will lead to long-term emotional distress, and choose to immediately close the window. If I’d done that this morning, I wouldn’t be suffering the consequences right now. I believe that I still play games with myself where I let myself get away with things.


So, my question is; do other people experience this feeling of intense shame and "being a bad person/failure" when they experience a slip or lapse, and if so, so you find it makes it harder to deal with things proactively and healthily? What do you do to combat this?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 7:06 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3710
Location: UK
Hello TWOIT
a great and honest post prompting a couple of comments

in analysis of your acting out have you been totally honest without excuses to yourself?
I am not suggesting that you have not, just suggesting that you be sure

following the act ( Personally I hate the term slip) have you now been honest with your wife?
I do hope so, remember that if you hope and expect her to trust you then you need to trust her and yourself

so onto your question

Quote:
So, my question is; do other people experience this feeling of intense shame and "being a bad person/failure" when they experience a slip or lapse, and if so, so you find it makes it harder to deal with things proactively and healthily? What do you do to combat this?


For sure the answer is definitely yes, so what to do
just as THE COACH said we need to put guilt an d shame to one side until we can deal with it
we cannot allow it to hamper recovery but we cannot also simply forget about it
we need to be open to our mistakes own them and learn from them
we cannot change our past, oyr histories are fact
we can however control our present with a view to positively influence our futures

get back on the horse my friend, you already knew the answers and actions required

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group