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PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:47 pm 

Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2016 5:05 pm
Posts: 22
I am asking this to anyone who it interests generally .

Though specifically our attitude to guilt was one of the key points in lesson one . Why was that exactly ?
Is there any particular thread here that deals with guilt ?

Is guilt 's function thoroughly debilitating or is it suposed to be motivating ?
Personally in lesson one I made a distinction between shame and guilt . Guilt often taking us an incessant bad feeling
for me with porn use its almost the voice of desperation saying there you go yet again that's just the way you are making me feel guilty for who I am rather than what I did.

Its clear that for many porn use is not addictive and those people may shrug it off as not being particularly important per se.
Perhaps they 're right , if I could more readily take or leave it I would not feel so guilty .
Point being its the fact that we can't take or leave it and thats why the guilt does attach to the identity "this is who I am" and not merely what I do .

Second question on the guilt is : Is the guilty feeling after use actually a kind of sought after pay off . It s a really heavy intense thing that we loathe yet people seek many things they loath as pay offs . I mean in the sense of how people seek things that confirm low self esteem because that is what they are at home with emotionally , internally .

I remember prising open the the exit door of an X film cinema when I was fourteen and went down the steps heart thumping
There was a real buzz going into that charged atmosphere something ever so naughty was going on . That night I felt devestated by guilt but the whole think was a massive frisson .

So if the guilt can be seen as pay off/ reward that means guilt can actually be a motivating force to use porn ??

Amercia is where there's the big porn industry its also where lies a huge puritanical streak . I dont believe they are two diametrically opposed kinds of people its more like they are antagonistic forces in the same minds ?

SO while I m interssted in views on any point here .
I 'm especially wondering why " guilt " figured in lesson 1 .?

PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 8:45 am 
Recovery Coach

Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:55 pm
Posts: 1209
I too, differentiate between guilt and shame. Here is how I break it down:

Guilt can often motivate us, and as such, is not entirely incorrect or destructive. In fact, it has the potential to be a tool to push us towards correct behavior. With guilt I can accept responsibility. I just saw a video where this was said about guilt and shame: "Guilt tells us we have done something bad. Shame tells us we are bad." That falls into my definition quite well.

If you haven't already read Brene Brown's work on shame, you might want to look into it. She has a lot of useful things to say, and she says them very well.

As for your second question, I will guess you might be mixing shame in with the guilt as a motivation. It was, and remains part of the pathology of my addiction. I acted out in part because I had convinced myself I was worthless. My acting out was wrong, and damaging. Therefore it completed the circle and verified my feelings of self-loathing. Shame was what I was searching for in my rituals, and it was always a part of my compulsive chain. "See?" I would say to myself. "You are worthless." Of course I would use much stronger language and I believed myself.

For me, it wasn't just a good idea to untangle guilt and shame, it was a matter of survival and recovery.

As for lesson 1, you need to figure out your motivation. Are you here because of someone else, or are you here to improve yourself and become a better version (hopefully the best version) of yourself for you? Guilt can push you towards something, but it can't be the only reason you are here.

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