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PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2018 7:05 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:00 pm
Posts: 16
I know that if I am only doing this for my wife I will never truly be successful but I have trouble finding value in quitting for the sake of my own life. I don't value myself enough to be motivated. Even though I know that I will be happier and healthier, that I can never have a fulfilling relationship while engaging in compulsive sexual behaviour, even though I have my own moral issues with porn, I want to be in control of my actions, and I have proven to myself countless times that I don't have control over this behaviour, I still have trouble doing this for myself. I know that I have to. I want to, but I have so much trouble putting any effort into taking care of myself. For now I persevere, I push ahead even though I am uncomfortable and unsure. I am pushing myself to continue even though I am exhausted and I don't believe in myself and doubt that I will get what I want out of this. I think I have trouble seeing myself as a healthy person. For too long I have been aware of the fact that I am damaged, I got used to it and now I'm having trouble changing that view of myself. I can't convince myself that I can become healthy. Objectively I know that I can but I don't feel like I can.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2018 5:24 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3767
Location: UK
Hi RW
Quote:
I know that if I am only doing this for my wife I will never truly be successful

Absolutely correct, you will either fail and fall deeper into the depths of addiction or you will change your mindset and do this for you
Please dont despair
Most who start here and have been caught are doing it for their better half, however they soon realise that they do have value, they are motivated by the fact that the see a better path, they see a life “owned” by themselves driven by values rather than finite and cyclic emotions


Quote:
I have proven to myself countless times that I don't have control over this behaviour,

Sorry but that is BULLSHIT
You have proven only that you have made the wrong choices
Right now you probably do not believe me when I say that you can choose to change but are now actually choosing not to ,hence providing yourself with excuses
Stick with the programme and you will change your mind and realise that you and only you are choosing your path

Quote:
I have so much trouble putting any effort into taking care of myself.

But have no trouble putting time and effort into acting out?

Quote:
I can't convince myself that I can become healthy. Objectively I know that I can but I don't feel like I can.

OH you can
You can but only if you want to
Perhaps copy this thread into your personal thread and lay it down as a marker

Wolves dont give up, good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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