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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:52 am 
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Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:57 am
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just opening a thread for myself. thank you


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 2:14 am 
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Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:57 am
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A. Because the discovery of your partner's addiction will no doubt reflect many commonalities with others, it is at the same time uniquely devastating to you. Take some time to share your background in relation to the discovery of your partner's sexual and/or romantic compulsions/addiction. Share an unadulterated version of your partner's addiction with someone you trust; or, anonymously in this forum.
If you choose someone you trust, then at least share a summary of the general patterns that are in play with your partner's addiction. And as a reminder, please do not use any personally-identifying information in your post.

Well we have been here before but stopped when my so was doing good for a while. why i stopped i don't know but im sure now he stopped because he had already relapsed. it has been years of lies and hiding things. of blaming my for his use of porn and m and leaving me for other women to the last one of actually cheating on me with another woman and convincing us both to stay with him. i actually allowed him to be with us both because i thought it was the only way. seems so stupid now when i look back as i should have just let him go. he chose me but on the understanding that he would use. i didn't mind at first because i honestly didn't believe he was really an addict. then he couldn't stop or even take a break from it. i was pregnant by then and asked him to wait until i felt more myself so i didn't feel like he was choosing them over me. that did not even last a few days. caught him then he used spam and other women around him. caught him. now hes supposedly working on things. he still cant be around other women without staring, he puts off his stuff until i get mad. i am making boundaries. if they are not followed i will be moving on. i am not wasting any more of my life on this. I have survived cancer alone and i know i am able to do anything i want alone. I am at the end of my ability to forgive.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 9:45 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:57 am
Posts: 4
My vision
I see myself being more connected to my higher power, devoting time to pray daily, reflect as needed and spending time at least once a week in nature to soak up my higher power presence.
I see myself devoting more time to my health, eating healthy meals daily, taking time to exercise 3-5 times a week, taking time to relax BY MYSELF at least once a week, meditation daily to every other day. I see myself making it to every appointment for my health and following directions to keep my autoimmune diseases under control.
I see myself taking more time as a mom WITHOUT distractions, spending time with each child alone to communicate and love on each at least once a week at first but moving more towards daily as time progresses, being as involved with their schooling as possible. I see myself learning to cope and HELP my special needs children to be as independent as possible.
I see myself connecting with my significant other on a new and deeper level, taking time daily to talk and learn about each other, putting intimacy in the for front of our relationship, allowing him to be more open and opening myself as he progresses in recovery. If he does not succeed I see myself moving forward with my life and able to handle life on it's terms.
I see myself opening a business that I enjoy and can make money at by myself, as I have the opportunity to do so and will be able to as my health is center to my life.
I see myself working on my own recovery and making my own mental and emotional well-being a priority that I do not allow anyone to supersede.
I see myself enjoying time with others in my life at least bimonthly to keep connection and also take time to reach out to them on a regular basis. I will start with monthly at this time while I work on the other things and increase until comfortable.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 11:49 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:57 am
Posts: 4
In your healing thread...
A) Brainstorm the times when your 'gut feelings' have been right about your partner's sexual and/or romantic behavior. Include times when you feel strongly that you were right (though it may never have been proven either way).
When he was "going to work" but really seeing n. When he was supposed to come straight home after work but went to ns house to talk
When he used fb to surf chicks
The whole time he lived "alone"
When he made me the "other woman"
When we lived at Mom's
When we lived at he
Honestly I don't know of any time he wasn't using in one way or another
B) Identify as many major situations as you can where you allowed your head/heart to override your 'gut feelings' in relation to your partner's behavior.
For example:
Situation — my husband called to tell me he had to work late. I called him later that night and there was no answer. He said that his cell phone had died. My gut told me that something was not right. I ignored my gut because I didn't think there was any way he could lie to me so convincingly.
Husband said he was just driving home. I remembered he said he'd be off 2 hours before and he was actually at ns
H said he was going to work but I didn't have any appointments available for him. I felt he was lying but didn't listen
All of August to December 2016

C) Relying on the experience you have gained, make a list of likely behaviors, situations and/or feelings that may trigger a conflict between your gut instinct, your value system and/or reality.
For example:
My husband says he is trying hard in recovery and I want to believe him, but the objective signs just aren't there.
My wife has befriended a male coworker and they go out to lunch several times a week, they play tennis together on the weekends, she goes over to his apartment to watch movies every now and then. She assures me it is completely innocent and I want to believe her. But my gut says I'm being naive.
Says he's trying but only works when I bring it up
Says there's nothing but acts like there is
Spaces out during sex
Looks at women in the store


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