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PostPosted: Wed May 01, 2019 5:21 am 

Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:08 am
Posts: 173

Since completing this exercise earlier in the recovery process, I am far more capable of identifying my values and living in accordance with them. Looking back at my previous answers, I am taken aback at how incapable I had become in asserting my own needs. I accepted neglect. I accepted rejection. As a consequence I stopped caring about myself. I didn’t realise my self esteem was so diminished. I’ve come a long way over the past 3 years but the healing process is ongoing.

1. Creativity and self expression (art)
2. Physical health and self care
3. Friendships

1. My creative projects are what gives me my greatest challenges and also my greatest satisfaction and achievement. My art projects have been the biggest casualty throughout my post d day recovery. Recovery is extremely demanding and costly in terms of emotional focus and mental energy. I am slowly making my way back to regular creative practice. No matter how small a gesture, even if I am limited to journaling or taking photos with my phone, these activities are the building blocks of my creative recovery, and ultimately the recovery of my identity, but it’s an identity that’s been changed by experience. It’s tough trying to find my way back to the real me.

2. I’m doing better at looking after my physical wellbeing but I could do better still. My bedtime routine went awry throughout recovery with emotional eating at night. I got into the habit of staying up alone. My bedtime routine is ill-disciplined. These are bad habits that don’t help me. In fact my behaviour is self sabotaging. I eat reasonably well, but I need to be wary of tiredness and boredom, loneliness and thoughts about my husband’s addiction behaviours and the years I spent alone and untouched. That’s when I’m at risk of emotional eating, invariably leading to a very depressed mood. I maintain a realistic exercise routine but there is room for improvement. Sometimes I take a little less care of myself than I should.

3. I need to see my friends more. I need to meet up and go places, share interests and conversations. I feel incredibly free from all burden of the legacy of my husband’s addiction. My friends listen when I talk, they focus their attention on the conversations instead of being distracted by attractive strangers. I am free from that constant burden of wondering if my husband is objectifying someone else. It is enormously freeing to be with people who want to be with me because they like my company and listen when I speak, and allow me the pleasure of listening to them in return. It’s the ebb and flow of conversation I miss — conversations without barriers and walls. I know I need to be proactive in getting together with my friends.

1. Make time for art every day (or most days). Don’t go 3 days without making art of some kind. It doesn’t matter WHAT I do, as long as I do something. The important factor is to maintain a regular routine of making art.

2. Work through core exercise routine every day (or a minimum of 5 days a week. Walk/dance every day (or most days). Don’t go more than 2 days without exercising. Practice good self care routines every morning and evening.
Practice intuitive eating and be aware of wanting to eat because of emotional overload, loneliness, regret or anger.
Use the time management apps on my phone and iPad.

3. Keep in touch with my friends. There’s no secret to it. Reply to their texts, send a card to those I haven’t been in touch with for too long. Or send an email. It’s not difficult to do any of this.

During the next 24 hours I will:

Work on my illustrations
Spend 20-30 minutes with a pencil and sketchbook — draw anything. The important thing is to just do it.

Do my set exercise routine
Add some aerobic activity — start with a realistic, achievable goal. The important thing is to do enough to establish a routine.
Do some yoga/posture work that makes me stand tall and confidently.
Make any routine medical appointments that are overdue.

Send a card to B, the one I’ve been meaning to send for months.
Suggest meeting up. Find somewhere to go together. Yes

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