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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2020 1:18 pm 

Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2020 6:42 am
Posts: 1
So my story is 20 years married, husband with childhood attachment difficulties and 6 years ago I discover his compulsive sexual behaviours, including porn, transgender meetings, prostitutes, cottaging, the list goes on. I had not even really heard of sex addiction but a quick google helps....and he has the classic stuff from childhood. He was adopted and it was not good and broken attachments and emotional and physical neglect and abuse. So I understand but am very angry and threaten to separate. He begs for forgiveness and says will tackle it. We have some therapy together and he has 2 years therapy every week but unfortunately not with a sex addiction specialist. Some work on all his underlying reasons/ issues. But he only goes to a couple of Sex addict Anonymous groups and says the therapy is enough.

6 years fast forward....4 weeks ago, I find out that he has not recovered. I call him at work and turns out he is not there and eventually he admits he had gone to a hotel to binge on porn and take cocaine and that this "managed" behaviour has continued every 3 or 4 or 6 months or so since first DD 6 years ago, and was his "treat" and he thought it was ok as not all the more "risky" and "degrading" behaviours.

I said I did not care if he was acting out with other people or not, it was all the same, it was breaching the trust all over again. He is insistent "only" porn. AND in between hotel times, masturbating to porn I think 3-4 times a week, basically when he is coping with difficult emotions, is stressed/ bored/ anxious, his default position to make himself better and escape his difficult feelings is to self soothe in this way and get the dopamine fix. I was devastated as everyone in our position is, I could not believe I was back here again.

We have a 10 year old son who adores him and apart from the above, he is a very good Father. Just a crap husband I guess but some things also have been good between us a lot of the time but also the intimacy disorder aspect of it all has affected our relationship obviously.

Statistics on recovery - true recovery - seem very depressing.
He has gone to 3 addiction anonymous meetings in 4 weeks. We have seen a sex addiction therapist today together and I will probably seek a separate therapist if we can afford it too.
I am trying not to panic. I have all the ups and downs of the roller coaster. I am 48. Do I waste any more years on him or do I hold on and hope, for the sake of my marriage and also my son....??

PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 11:29 am 

Joined: Fri Dec 06, 2019 10:02 am
Posts: 4
First and foremost, thank you for sharing. Taking the first step isn't always easy. I would like to acknowledge you for your courage and for being open to the process. We know this isn't always an easy journey so please remember you aren't alone. We are in this together and this is a safe space for you to speak into. I encourage you to keep sharing your assignments as they are extremely helpful and will help you sort out your own emotions. You can also use this platform as a way to talk about any feelings or situations you may have outside of the assignments. We are here to support you so do not hesitate to reach out.
Coach Lori

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