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PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:39 pm 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:20 pm
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my dears,
i am interviewing a new therapist tomorrow. i started a list of questions for myself to ask. in working on this i thought of how many partners here have had less than desirable therapy. i thought i'd post the questions i've got so far. perhaps if you added to the list from your hard earned experience we can come up with a list that will help partners new to this whole mess. of course, everyone would have to adapt questions to their own personal situation. wish i'd known what to ask before we got started in therapy. also - comments welcome on how to reword anything.
Quote:
THERAPIST INTERVIEW

1. What is your training in s/a, p/a?

2. What is your experience in s/a, p/a?

3. In general, what is your treatment method(s)?

4. How often would you prefer sessions to be held?

5. How often would you have the partner involved in sessions either individually or as a couple?

6. Do you expect s/a, p/a to attend 12 step groups? Are other support groups acceptable?

7. Are you familiar with RN? Would you have any problem with working with the s/a,p/a in conjunction with RN?

8. What is your definition of full disclosure?

9. What is your position on full disclosure?

10. Do you suggest outside reading? If so, what? If not, how do you plan on educating the s/a, p/a, and the partner about this addiction?

11. Under what, if any, circumstances would you recommend either partner withhold information?

12. What is your position on co-dependency or co-addiction? In other words, do you believe most partners have these issues?

13. What role would you expect the partner to play?

14. In your experience, given the nature of the problem disclosed, what kind of time frame would be looking at to achieve recovery?

15. Do you consider a partner's discovery to be a traumatic event?

16. Do you believe a partner can develop pts?



Last edited by deservesmore on Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:45 pm 
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I think those are all excellent questions, DM.

I would add one:

What is your experience working with partners of those with SA/PA.

I am anxious to hear how it goes! WELL, I hope!

Patty


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 7:44 pm 
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DM - If you're willing, I'd love to hear how your interview went.

Love,

Patty


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 6:17 am 
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Partner's Mentor

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Dear patty,
Quote:
What is your experience working with partners of those with SA/PA.

what a dimwit i am. how could i have not put that question down? i wonder sometimes if i'll ever get my brain back. thanks for including it.

anyone else see any questions i didn't include because i have no brain left?

i'll answer the rest in my other thread. sigh.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 7:38 pm 
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bumping for ellen. maybe it will help when you look for a therapist.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:35 am 
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I've heard that there's a big difference between how people respond to "recovery". Some think you can be fully recovered while others believe you're always an addict. I know that you've already had you interview, but I thought I'd go ahead and add that thought for others who might look to this thread for ideas.

BTW, that was a great list IMO!!


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:40 am 
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my dear galinda,
great question. very important.
i know we all may look at it differently. for years i've called myself a "recovering alcoholic". since joining rn and feeling validated by jon's remarks about recovery and after much introspection, i am now calling myself a recovered alcoholic. big difference.
it is important to know whether or not the t agrees with your personal philosophy or opposes it.
thanks for adding.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:47 am 
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DM, congrats on being recovered! I'm glad that you were able to get that insight here. The resources here really can be applied to so many areas of our lives!! :g:


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:02 am 
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my dear galinda,
i figure if i got through breast cancer and am slowly getting through this without needing to drink i qualify for "recovered". to be hit with 2 such traumas (overlapping) and not need or want to drink is a pretty big deal. i wish the same kind of recovery for all of us and all of our partners.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 5:27 pm 
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bumping this up for more people to add questions!!


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 Post subject: other questions...
PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:08 pm 
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Hello Deservesmore

I thought of a few more questions, not sure if they are relevant but worth a try.

* Do you typically advise couples to stay together?
* Do you address family-of-origin issues?
* Are you familiar with the work done by Jon Marsh or Patrick Carnes? If so, what do you specifically know about their work (names of books/publications/websites).
* Do you believe the SA wife needs to go through a 12 step program or do you believe she is the innocent victim that needs much needed support? (Sorry that last one is kind of my view on the whole 12 step thing.)

Congratulations on being RECOVERED - that's cool!



:w:


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:00 am 
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dear peanut,
great questions. we finally had our first meeting with the new t. didn't get through all the ? yet as we got sidetracked (in a healthy way). anyhow she is a certified sex t (10 yrs) and sash sex addiction t (5 yrs). my p has agreed to go back a few times. he can only go every other week because he will have to adjust work schedule and can't do that every single week. sigh. she is so full up that i had to take the one opening she has. i will be going every week with or without him. my plan is to finish my interview ? next tues. and i am going to add yours. i also agree with your last ? how can i be codependent about something i didn't even know was happening? sigh
anyhow - so far - it looks like this t might be the right one. time will tell.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:50 am 
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Partner's Mentor

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bumping. hope this helps some of you who are new to rn. my best wishes for your healing.

my dears,
so many of you have joined this forum since this post. i found this list incredibly helpful when interviewing therapists. a well meaning therapist who is not trained in sa/pa can do so much damage. it is wise to look for one who is trained.
our new therapist is sa/pa trained and it has made a world of difference for me and my healing.
on that same note, my new np that i am seeing for medication management doesn't have a clue which means i have to start another search for someone to deal with my medication mgmt. sigh. after spending 9 mos. in therapy with one clueless np i'm not doing that again.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 2:01 pm 
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bumped for dreaming. good luck my dear. hope it helps a little.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:53 am 
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Deservesmore -
This more than helps a little. Your questions and the ones others added are VERY VERY helpful to me. Thanks for bumping it up for me! What a gift!


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