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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 9:50 am 
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Partner's Coach

Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:36 pm
Posts: 1291
From exercise 24
Quote:
Explore these options instead with the pure intention of exploring your options...nothing more. Just explore. Why? Because there will come a time when you will need to make decisions, and when that time comes, you will want to base that decision on insight and awareness, rather than an emotional reaction.

Why it is in your partner's best interest as well...
Primarily, this lesson is designed to benefit you, but a secondary benefit involves the emotional assurance that your partner gains from knowing that your decision to stay committed to the relationship will be based on faith, as opposed to dependency. In a healthy relationship, this translates into esteem, motivation and acceptance.


I was a little thrown back by the mention of basing staying or leaving on faith in my partner. I get the opposite of dependence but I frankly can not see myself having 'faith' in anything my husband does and it seems to go against basing things on their actions. I also truly doubt I will ever be able to return to a more innocent type of trust with him, whether he's healthy or not, which would be required for me to have faith in any action from him.

I know I am seeing a detail and certainly won't get hung up on it and miss the bigger picture of considering my options. I just feel a little confused by I should take in this new idea as I am pretty comfortable basing things on what he does, not faith in what he might do.

Anyone have insights on this?

_________________

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"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:13 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:30 pm
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It would seem that it all goes back to you and the life that you envision for yourself. In your gut you know what you want and what you need to live a healthy life. A sobering thought for me is that I really do not have control over what my partner does or doesn't do, ultimately it is up to him to act in alignment with who he is and what kind of life he chooses for himself. If you can live a healthy life with what you know to be his core values and the behaviors he chooses, whatever they are, you may just have the answer to your question.


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