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PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 10:28 am 
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Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2015 7:39 pm
Posts: 29
I am still being traumatized by my "ex" acting out. Knowing he is still conning me lying to me!!
2 months ago while out for dinner for our 28 anniversary, he asked where we should go for our 30th. Last weekend he spent with a woman telling me he was going hunting with someone from work. I knew he was lying and found out yesterday the truth.... and he is planning seeing her this weekend and New Years too. It's a 5 hr drive to where she lives.
Even though i can't be will him ever again, it still hurts how easy he can move on. Here I am trying desperately to keep going each day while he is busy looking for a new relationship.

How do I detach from him? So many years with so many times I caught him it's like it became a way of life and I know how I enabled him by making threats of splitting up but never followed through because of hearing " better to be with the devil you know than the devil you don't !"
This last time was it as sexting with one of our 16 year old international student that was back home in Germany was it!! Illegal and sick!!

I feel I am paying more for his "crime" ! He goes on without punishment while I am feeling like an accomplice to a nightmare! I feel like such an idiot to even be giving him any ability to hurt me more but not sure how to stop allowing myself to go there.

Is it because it has been my life to find the truth that I can't stop? How do I stop?


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2016 7:27 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2016 7:19 am
Posts: 5
I really don't understand how men seem to be able to 'move on' so quickly like this.Sometimes it just feels like they have no real depth of feeling.Are there any men out there who can explain this ?Ithurts so much and the only comfort I can offer you is that time will heal you and someday you'll realise that he wasn't worthy of your love.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2016 12:49 pm 
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Partner's Coach

Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:36 pm
Posts: 1291
randolf wrote:
I really don't understand how men seem to be able to 'move on' so quickly like this.Sometimes it just feels like they have no real depth of feeling.

I think if we look at these as acts of addiction it makes more sense. These aren't acts of love or connection, but of a person using an addiction to manage their life, their emotions. In other words, in a sense they aren't "moving on" at all, but staying in the same addiction, just more openly. Of course that knowledge does not diminish the real damage these acts cause others, in particular their partners. It helped me see that really it wasn't personal on my ex's part, but likely I wasn't even in his awareness when he chose to sleep with other women. And yes, I know all too well that fact also hurts on a whole other level. That all said, I found it incredibly hurtful and insulting that he "moved on" so quickly after we split. Ironically, he hasn't been able to sustain a relationship with any of these other women in the last 3 years and is now struggling which makes me sad for him. For me, I have healed and am at peace with my life now. It took a very long time and still not quite finished letting him go, but there is life after living under the abuse of someone else's addiction. Most days now, I can honestly say I don't think about all of the damage or him and am happy most of the time now with normal stress. So hang in there.

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