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PostPosted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 7:48 pm 

Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2015 2:51 pm
Posts: 65
I actuay JUST posted in my lesson response that I wish my husband would act like the SA described first. Immersing himself in recovery, reading all of the books, etc. This is a little bit reassuring that not all recovering SAs have to act like they're obsessed with recovery.

This is from the recovery board so don't reply there by accident.


I found it helpful anyway.

"Flying like a cannonball, falling to the earth
Heavy as a feather when, you hit the dirt
How am I the lucky one?, I do not deserve
To wait around forever when, you were there first
First you get hurt, then you feel sorry."

-Cold War Kids

PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 8:21 pm 

Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2014 5:45 pm
Posts: 45
Thanks for posting that link. I found some good insight. I did feel in the beginning of my own "recovery" as the partner of an addict that some how I was supposed to passionately seize the 12-step mentality, repentance/growth. This is ironic since I am the "partner" and not the actual sex addict. It was a huge slap in the face when the sex addiction counselor for my hubby asked me if I was ready to work on the relationship… wow….. I felt cornered like if I could only notice my husband's good behavior that should make up for his mistakes and we could begin moving on. It made me feel responsible for where the relationship (and he in his recovery work) was going to go next. It was like the counselor and my husband were saying to me "be more passionate about this/how can you be indecisive about whether to continue this relationship/he worked very hard for this". Recovery is not a check off list. Recovery should change the very nature of introspection.

In the end, I'm so glad I have taken the slow, methodical steps for my own growth. Growth is the constant questioning. It's doing the work when no one is watching. I have always had that inside of me and I continue to exhibit those qualities as the partner. Indeed, years later I am still the one in counseling.

Anyway, this was a great reminder about how recovery plays out. Thank you.

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