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PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 5:20 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2015 2:51 pm
Posts: 65
Sometimes I come on here hoping for an outlet, just to "talk" (type) and connect with people who are in similar situations to mine. There isn't a lot of activity on here some days or active members it seems (maybe that's a good thing, I don't wish this one anyone), but anyway, just for the sake of chatting, how is everyone doing today? Has it been a rough day? Easy day? Enlightening day? How are things today with you and your partner? How is your mental well-being today?

_________________
"Flying like a cannonball, falling to the earth
Heavy as a feather when, you hit the dirt
How am I the lucky one?, I do not deserve
To wait around forever when, you were there first
First you get hurt, then you feel sorry."


-Cold War Kids


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 5:43 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2015 10:30 am
Posts: 95
Hi Need-Hope,

It may not last, but I'm feeling relatively strong today. I reached a bit of a turning point in couples counselling last week and let out a lot of pain and anger that I had been holding back, because H has been struggling so much with his own emotions. Expressing those feelings seems to have made me feel more able to cope. I am also nervous about Christmas, though, and not sure how it will go. H has been dreadfully low recently and I'm really hoping he can hold it together enough to give our kids a nice time.

How are you?

B.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 7:23 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2015 7:39 pm
Posts: 29
its nice to be able to chat (type) to others when all alone. Today was up and down. I went for a run this morning and that is the first time in 1.5 months that I even had the desire somewhat, so I made myself as the sun was out...but after I became down knowing my H (not living with me now) is going away to see his new "girl" that he denies, but I know for fact! then he will rush back to come to see his daughter on Sat for her birthday dinner, that she doesnot know he is coming. She does not want anything to do with him, and I made the mistake of telling him what we were doing. its her 25th bday. She suffers from anxiety/depression, and this has topped it all off....It hurts me so much that this addiction is so strong that he cannot see that it is why he is "seeing someone else" this is acting out still, but I suppose it also can be he is just moving on and wanting to "forget" this mess he has left me in. He has so much practice at dealing with so many different lives at the same time, I guess that is a drug for him too, lying all the time to everyone....Anyways, thats my day and thats my vent too thanks for letting me have the opportunity....


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 12:45 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 4:40 am
Posts: 67
Most of my day went pretty well. Had the office Christmas luncheon today and I had a really great time. That is how most of my days go now. I can relax and live in the present during the day. I talk to my husband on the phone, and the conversation goes well. But then he comes home. And something more often than not triggers me, and I'm back to crying and questioning him. He tries to help me until he gets flooded and shuts down and sits there with a stupid look on his face. One of us should walk away at this point to cool down, but we don't, so it becomes a loooong night. That's what happened tonight. :t: I think the problem is that my husband himself has now become a trigger. It stinks. I'm trying, he's trying, but it may not be enough.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 4:46 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2015 10:30 am
Posts: 95
Needsupport, it's good that you got out for a run. Sorry to hear your daughter's b/day is going to be so fraught. My son's b/day is on Saturday too! He's only turning 13 though.

babylex622, I know what you mean. H is away every week from Mon-Fri and I can cope ok during the week, but when the weekend is getting closer, I start getting more tense and every w/end usually involves one of us crying at some point. It's exhausting.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 8:11 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2015 2:51 pm
Posts: 65
Beachcomber]It may not last, but I'm feeling relatively strong today. I reached a bit of a turning point in couples counselling last week and let out a lot of pain and anger that I had been holding back, because H has been struggling so much with his own emotions[/quote]

I hope it does last! Feeling strong is a positive.

[quote="needsupport wrote:
I went for a run this morning and that is the first time in 1.5 months that I even had the desire somewhat, so I made myself as the sun was out...but after I became down knowing my H (not living with me now) is going away to see his new "girl" that he denies, but I know for fact! then he will rush back to come to see his daughter on Sat for her birthday dinner, that she doesnot know he is coming.


Ugh that's rough. Glad you got the desire to go for a run, those endorphins might be good. I should try running again. Sorry the good feeling got dampened by your H.

babylex622 wrote:
Most of my day went pretty well. Had the office Christmas luncheon today and I had a really great time. That is how most of my days go now. I can relax and live in the present during the day. I talk to my husband on the phone, and the conversation goes well. But then he comes home. And something more often than not triggers me, and I'm back to crying and questioning him.


That does suck. I feel the opposite most days. I can see my H as a real person with value, and as the man i love, when he's in front of me. When I'm at work or he's at work my mind wanders and I think about all the things he's done and I wonder how we will ever get through this.

_________________
"Flying like a cannonball, falling to the earth
Heavy as a feather when, you hit the dirt
How am I the lucky one?, I do not deserve
To wait around forever when, you were there first
First you get hurt, then you feel sorry."


-Cold War Kids


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 8:22 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2015 2:51 pm
Posts: 65
I'm not sure why my post came out all weird. The quotes look fine in edit mode. :pe:

Yesterday was an OK day for me. I only had mental images once and I tried to push them away. Ive gotten a lot better and not taking all my aggression out on H via text.

My kids were not the nest behaved yesterday so that stressed me out a bit but maybe it forced me not to focus on the SA topic.

_________________
"Flying like a cannonball, falling to the earth
Heavy as a feather when, you hit the dirt
How am I the lucky one?, I do not deserve
To wait around forever when, you were there first
First you get hurt, then you feel sorry."


-Cold War Kids


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2015 2:00 pm 
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Partner's Coach

Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:36 pm
Posts: 1291
I've been a lot better lately. My ex-husband has made a very luke ward statement of wanting to get back together. It's what I wanted for so long. Then last spring after I had filed divorce in January, I decided I needed to do everything I could before I let go and asked him to reconcile. He went back and forth. I finally took that as an answer and felt really free and that I had truly done everything within my power to save our marriage.

It's been interesting watching myself since he said he wanted to get back together. I've saw the familiar anxiety rise one day and realized I didn't have to go there. If he wants to get back together, I've made it perfectly clear numerous times what I'd need, so the ball is in his court and no reason at all for me to be anxious about that. I'm also underwhelmed by his luke warm statement about reconciliation so feeling pretty strongly a close relationship with him now is not in my best interest. I do care about him but am unwilling to jump back in if what he's offering is the same half-hearted investment he's offered before. I am content with my life now and not willing to turn that on it's head.

Something else I've been thinking about is how unbalanced my work has become. I've felt overwhelmed lately and haven't had much time for anything else. Soooo, I decided today I am going figure out how to get balance back into my work life. I most definitely do not want to life to work.

And my son with autism....facing some intense stuff with his schooling and will need to work with his dad, my ex-husband. We actually are a good team for him. Our son is one of the only areas I've seen my ex grow and develop. It's stressful but I feel we will be prepared to face what is coming.

Thanks for asking the question. :g:

_________________

"What day is it,?" asked Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 5:03 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2015 10:30 am
Posts: 95
CoachAutumn, the strength and resolve in your post is inspiring and encouraging. I hope to be able to get there one day.

H is coming home today for the Christmas break - two weeks together ahead, the longest block of time that we'll have spent together under one roof since D-day (he works away from home). I'm feeling a lot of trepidation about how it's going to go. I've been expressing my needs to H a lot more in recent weeks and have put it to him that he needs to do better if he doesn't want to lose me as a friends, on top of anything else. He seems to be responding, but it's hard to know if that's real or if he's just pretending really well, like he used to. We'll need to have some talks over the break and I'm anxious about that. I'm trying to focus on just being a friend to him for Christmas and have asked him to do the same for me, to take any pressure off to try for more. The weather is horrible here at the moment (Ireland) and the ever-present rain means that we'll potentially be cooped up in the house a lot.. I'm going to try to get us out as much as possible, and do things for myself like getting to the gym, meeting up with friends, etc. Overall, I'm feeling quite nervous and anxious about how it's all going to go.

B x


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