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 Post subject: Beginning again, again
PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2016 8:29 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:52 pm
Posts: 107
I will be starting the Healing Workshop again. 6 mos ago, or so, my husband had a 3month relapse. He promised to re-do his Recovery lessons. Its clear that, although he maintained abstinence for a few years, he has not matured. There are many underlying problems that haven't been addressed. Of course he didn't follow through on that promise but told me,unsolicited, that its still "on his radar." Just the day before yesterday I realized that I'm a victim of emotional abuse and gaslighting. That doesn't seem like much of a revelation but, apparently, 25 years of loving an addict has fogged my brain. This is very alarming to me. I guess I still have underlying problems that need addressed too. I would almost swear that I'm invisible.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2016 11:22 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 661
sameoldsameold - I am relieved you will be restarting the partner's workshop. I can completely empathize with you about the awareness of being a victim of emotional abuse that includes gaslighting. It took me about a year of really good therapy to understand my reality. And, it's a shock, isn't it? But the workshop and therapy helped me to focus on myself, and not on my husband or my marriage. It is crucial to my well being and health to continue to focus on me. I have found a return to joy and serenity by continuing to detach and make all my decisions based on my self interest.

Our healing is easier if our partners get into sincere recovery, but we can't wait or depend on them to do that. We must make our healing journey ourselves. Maybe our partners can join us in health at some point or maybe not, but I have learned I can not be held hostage to my husband's immaturity. It's taken me a while and I'm not done yet, but it feels so much better to unburden myself of his stuff.

In solidarity,
dnell


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