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PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2016 4:52 am 

Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 6:50 am
Posts: 80
Hi there
I am bothered by this and having a definite values clash as a result. (Values in terms of standing up for what I believe is right (equality), keeping the peace, being honest in my interactions with people).
My brother in law, who visits frequently (every other weekend at least, for the weekend) is in a new relationship, and based on what he posts on Facebook, they as a couple are heavily into BDSM, with her being the submissive.
I have thought about this long and hard and tried to educate myself about the lifestyle (because I felt I should try and understand it, and my gut reaction to it), read all the splurb about how empowering it is to a submissive to be totally dominated, how the submissive actually holds all the power etc etc. I have tried to determine if I am just being a prude, and I do think there may people for whom that could be true, but, unfortunately, knowing my brother in law and all the issues he has, and knowing that this girl has been diagnosed with Bipolar 2, and is/was a "cutter", this sounds like some sort of recipe for disaster.
Fortunately H is not on Facebook, so he does not see the images liked and shared by some of the communities his brother is involved with (I guess I am a bit afraid that if he did, he would find them arousing and his brother's involvement in this would tempt him to be curious about it?).
What really incensed me today, was a post about the "purity" of owning a slave girl, the pleasure of owning a woman fully, and how it is the true meaning of manhood and virility (urgh, yuck).
I have blocked his posts from my view on Facebook, but I am having a serious values clash - not to mention difficulty in interacting with him, I guess I have lost a bit of regard for him.
I have mentioned some of the milder FB activity to my H, and he just says it is none of our business... And I guess it is not.
But I am having a hard time just letting it go completely.
I guess it is one of those things I need to sort out for myself, but feel like I need to voice it to someone, just to get it out there...

PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2016 6:20 am 

Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:38 pm
Posts: 67
IMHO all that stuff about how it is empowering to be submissive is the typical addictive minimisation, justification and twisted, confirmation-biased thinking to justify abuse. I too would be very disturbed. But other than checking in with the 'victim' to ask if she's really OK with it Im not sure what else you can do other than unfriend on facebook so you don't see that stuff any more. He's not going to stop until he hits bottom so you cant influence him. But I would say if you can't tolerate him and dont want to be round him then dont compromse your values just to please your husband. We all did enough of that. Big hugs.

'The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows'. Buddha.

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