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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 5:58 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2016 6:58 am
Posts: 6
My female partner of nearly eighteen years has struggled with SA all of her adult life. She has not been capable of being faithful in our relationship despite her love for me. Her behaviours have been outrageous and to our mutual detriment. There are not many men around on these forums that have a female SA. Although the emotional and developmental causes of SA are the same regardless of gender, the damaged caused to a male partner have specific nuances. My partner is now in healthy recovery (as am l). I would be very interested in "comparing notes" with other men with SA female partners to mutual benefit and understanding.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 7:28 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 577
Midnight - There have been male partners here on RN. Not many, though, and none currently posting.

I agree with you that there while there are so many common issues for the addicts and partners, regardless of gender, that there are important differences for male partners. I can only hope that some of the male partners who are still reading might post so that you can connect with them.

I am relieved to hear that you are both recovering and healing. It's a hard road.

With deep compassion,
dnell


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 10:14 pm 
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Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 10:04 pm
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I am a male with an SA/LA female spouse. Though I am still kind of new to the forum, I would enjoy and could use some insight from others in the same situation. Male partners do have a harder time with information about our particular situation. Though I'm betting there are more men in this situation than will ever be known!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:41 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2016 6:58 am
Posts: 6
Hi,

Thanks for your reply. I totally empathise with you, and agree that male partners of female SA's keep a low profile due to the stigma attached etc. I have been battling against the SA of my partner for ten years after my first discovery. I then believed her to be sober and in active recovery only to find more devastating news of her infidelity in May 2016. We are both working hard on our recovery now and I am beginning to see the real person with the emotional maturity to understand her behaviours and a clear appreciation of her values and boundaries. We are both active on the RN Couples program (which is excellent) and she has been seeing a sex therapist weekly for the past fifteen months. I am gradually believing in myself again and have successfully detached my recovery and health from my SA partner. However, i still feel deeply embarrassed and emasculated by her acting out. I understand the addiction on an intellectual level, but it is difficult if not impossible not to take her infidelity with multiple partners personally!!

If you think that communication between us could help you, I am very happy to share my experiences to mutual benefit.


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