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PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:46 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 11:14 am
Posts: 68
Just getting our Healing Thread started! :g: :g: :g:


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 11:00 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 11:14 am
Posts: 68
I am writing this in reflection from doing the exercise months ago. That is critical to understand as I am going by recall (which may be inaccurate), and I also have had experiences since that time that I am sure affect what I say (months of hindsight).
I recall being sorely disappointed that my H did not directly state the letter was done (how can I be challenged with NOT looking for a letter I was not even sure existed yet). When I re-read the exercise I will admit it does not directly state for H to notify me it was done. But it took weeks for H to write the letter & I don’t think I was challenged by not knowing when.
Over those weeks I thought he would be doing the letter, I did ruminate somewhat. I did think of it as an opportunity for disclosure (my H has never disclosed anything I did not directly find out myself). But I did not look for the letter, and walked away from the area where he keeps papers. The only reason I found out the letter & 3 day wait was done is because I asked, and I was told it had been done over a week ago. Not good.
Since that time things have come out that were done that my H says he does not recall (one example is my H giving a woman whom he had a 2+ year online and sexual relationship with a Valentines day card - from before the time he has admitted to being involved with her, even insisting he recalls nothing - even up to now months later - though he has seen the proof). It is not even possible that my H wrote everything down as he claims he does not recall that and so many other things.
Bottom line: I am confused at best. I do not believe my H listed all compulsive/destructive behaviors. If faced with the knowledge the letter was done, I am not sure whether I would be able not to look for it and not read it. Not sure what all that even means.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 11:05 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 23, 2011 8:59 pm
Posts: 22
Exc. 1
When starting this exercise I felt fear and extreme hesitation at first. Although my mind and mouth had stopped denying my guilt and disclosed the truth, my hand did not want to write it. My eyes did not want to see it being wrote. My heart and soul ached with every word scribed onto the paper. The addict in my head screamed with every word to stop, but with each sentence finished the addict lost power and I finished. When it was done though, I felt such a heart crushing weight lifted.
This Letter was truly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I am relieved… it is the first step to a better, healthier me and a truer, happier life with the one true woman of my dreams.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 11:29 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5200
Welcome to your couple's workshop.

Be well

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 06, 2015 4:29 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 11:14 am
Posts: 68
!D So sad. I worked hard to give my partner time to recover and heal, and to heal myself. I so badly wanted us to work through this. He swore he loved me and wanted to stay together, that he was headed the right direction and getting better, but I was not seeing the changes that would make me believe it. He actually had decided to keep replaying the same games, even harder this time. He had learned from his 'mistakes' in getting found out, and took extreme steps to do things differently so he would not get caught again. But we all know that never works for long. So I got yet another email from yet another jilted lover. The end result is that I had to end our relationship to stay sane, and though it has been nearly a year I am still in great pain. The love a love-addict gives is intoxicating, separating from a partner who has fed you that love is incredibly painful. I have to keep reminding myself that though there were many things he did that fed me, the awful truth is that was likely as dysfunctional and as much of a game to him as his online games with other women. I cant even begin to describe how difficult this has been and continues to be. I just wish I could find relief from the pain.


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