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 Post subject: excursive 9
PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 1:01 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:33 am
Posts: 44
A late respons but I quickly wrote down my respons to the exercise on paper and forgot to transfer it to the forum. However..

The exercise helped me to feel, it allowed me to be emotional and to mourn.
I felt sad and angry and spontaneously I have no idea why I gave/give him so many chances.
Im disappointed and worried, and after the exercise I felt so little hope.
I don't wish that anyone have to go through this shit.
I feel sad very very sad. I realise that I carry a burden of sorrow that I seldom let out. But when I try to explain my story from this other story it was like open a tap.
I think that it would be healthy for me to allow me to mourn a little bit know and then, its OK.
It's also OK to be angry, frustrated and go through periods of despising, if I fell and talk about all these emotions they will fade
and when they fade I live up again


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 Post subject: Excercise 8
PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 11:57 am 
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Joined: Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:33 am
Posts: 44
I dont know why I have jumped this exercise but.....Here I go:

Exercise 8

1.Joy- This is not easy for me right know. I struggle with myself to feel joy. I have a crises with myself and have low energy and a kind of sadness in my soul. We both try to find happiness and do things we like together, but it’s much easier to experience joy with other people, with my friends and people at work or together with my children. I have noticed that sometimes i laugh and feel joy together with others its much easier. In a way I think something protect me from have these feelings and experience together with my husband. I probably protect myself from being hurt again and yet I can’t feel joy with someone who leet me down. I can’t do better right now. I’m also hurt by the fact that he still don't share and stopped following the recovery monitoring program this winter after going thru the hole program and had some relapse without telling. He told me month later under pressure, when I was desperat and asked him over and over again what was going on and why I feel so lonely in our relation. why he was not present. I have problem in feeling joy with some one who let me down over and over again.

Sincere support- This is easier. I’m really interested in him and want to share life and thoughts with him. I often encourage him to share with me, his feelings, his success, his struggle and his slips. I often tell him that I want to share life with him and this is impossible if he won't share. I give him opportunity to talk without interrupting. I continuously tells him how important it is to me that he share without me asking all the time. He has a great tendency to share exactly this I ask for when ask for it and i feel so tired. However last week he shared for real his struggle and feelings after doing his monitoring, its good, really good, but I have so little hope left. I have seen him start up so many good habits and being open in periods but so far it has always faded away and after some time he shares less and less and in the end I have to ask and remind him to share the real him. He is an expert in fool himself. He can so easy think that the share because he told me what he did at work, what they struggle with at work, what he does paint in the garage and so on. He doesn’t notice that he stopped sharing his thoughts, feelings and dreams, he just talk about what happened and what he do (the surface) and in al this it is easy to not talk about certain happenings (things he is ashamed of, things he ”don’t do”)

2. I still have like a parents roll. I help him to stay on the path but Im so tired of this and so sad. I want him to stay on track by himself. I am like a parent who need to tell my husband that he lost the track again. I don't know but this far its like he don't understand that he lost track. It’s like he convince himself that he is almost on track and everything is Ok. I don’t know if this is a mistake, probably. I don’t know if it is a mistake to tell him that he lost track or if it is a mistake to wait and hope that he will se that he lost track and come back to me and share by himself, because so fare he have never done this. I don't know if I give him to many chances or if I’m to tuff when I require him to be honest and share with me no mater what he has to share.

3. Right know I don’t know if I’m doing anything good. Im so tired and sad. I have given him so much love, support, role modeling, understanding and mercy. Perhaps I will work more with accountability:

”While this likely wouldn't be the first need recognized by your partner, it is never-the-less true: your partner needs to know that he will be held accountable for his actions. That what you say (within reason) is what you will do. That what he does has meaning. Has consequences. Like a child, your partner will likely test these initial limits. Enforce them with fairness and confidence. Take your emotions out of the equation and allow your partner to make the direct connection between his actions and the consequences that result. This is the best way to manage ongoing behavior

I think I will concentrate my efforts to this.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 5:21 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:41 am
Posts: 190
I would expect her to fully commit to her own recovery. To take responsibility of her life and her actions. To be brave and sincere. To challenge her old ways of managing her life. To embrace new ways of managing her emotions. To be open and involving of me. To let me know of her struggles and of her successes.

To trust me with what has been and what has been tough today. To dare to say what's on her mind without thinking about how I would react or respond.

I would like her to always answer when I called when I had doubts. I would hope that she would support med when I had my deepest doubts. That we were in this together.

To allow me to have doubts and low energy without drawing conclusions that my love for her would be gone or that our marriage would end.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2016 6:13 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:41 am
Posts: 190
This was a really good exercise that both of us enjoyed. It took a lot of time to actually complete. We managed to get through two or three categories each time (out of the 15).

Be patient doing this. You will get more out of it then.


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