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 Post subject: babylex and doom thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 6:35 pm 
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new thread for couples responses


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 9:03 pm 
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caring exercise 2

My husband planned an evening for us without any input from me. He picked out my clothes, helped me dress, put me in the car and took me to dinner at a place we have never been to before. It was for Fondue. He ordered everything for me, from my drink to all three courses of the meal. It was really sweet, to see him be nervous about his choices. I could tell he really put a lot of thought into the planning. He picked things that I really liked, and it made me remember all of the really good things he has done for me over the years. It also reminded me of how well he does know me, even if right now we feel like strangers. The meal took almost three hours!!! It didn't seem that long though, because we didn't run out of things to talk about, it wasn't awkward at all. In many ways it was like a first date though, which was a very odd sensation given that our first date was almost 24 years ago.
I guess we broke some rules in that we ended up feeding each other from the Fondue forks. When we got home, he did attempt to brush my teeth, but we couldn't stop laughing. It was very weird because it was how we brush our young son's teeth....so it was awkward. But the overall night was really enjoyable. I loved having him take care of me, knowing he had planned the whole evening for me, and what I would like. His effort was very obviously genuine, and it made me feel special and hopeful.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2015 3:16 pm 
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I felt a ton of anxiety leading up to our evening because I really wanted to it to be perfect and wan't exactly sure of the exact guidelines to follow. It was really exciting to go on a new adventure together and it felt like a first date. I was nervous trying to impress this beautiful woman.

My newfound authenticity was exciting to share and I was truly there with no deception, or urgency to portray anything but my real self. This is how I should have always thought, however, it was amazing to finally understand how to connect with my wife on a new level that has the potential to bring our relationship a better place.

I wish I had played it cool while teeth brushing, but that was definitely the strangest part. Even though we broke several of the rules, it was a great evening and I look forward to dating her again. Perhaps someday I can ask for her hand in marriage.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 14, 2015 2:32 pm 
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Couples Exercise 10:

It is very difficult to prove, but it is mandatory that I see a true commitment from my partner. I would need to rely on my intuition and understanding of my partner to guide me through the process since there is little evidence to be shown for results. If I suspect any deviation then a lie detector test is the only true way to expose undisclosed relapses and may be needed (perhaps annually) to monitor progress. ANY evidence of dishonestly may result in termination of the relationship since it is an indication that the maturity level for a true relationship is not there.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2015 8:37 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 4:40 am
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Exercise 8
1) In your Couple's Thread, discuss ways that you can practically implement the insights offered in this lesson. For instance, how might you integrate joy into your relationship now, as a part of the healing process? How might you offer sincere support to your partner's efforts to change his life (as opposed to patronizing support, pressured support, etc.)?

I can integrate joy into the relationship by letting go and having fun with my spouse. We can do things that we enjoy doing together, like hiking and playing with our son. I can also show him that I appreciate the little things he does, and always has done for me. By showing this, it should help bring joy to the relationship.
I can offer support to my partner's sincere recovery efforts by listening, and not making any snarky comments. Just listening, and telling him I'm proud of him.

2) Examining your current role in your partner's recovery, what mistakes have you made? Are there any you might still be making?

I have expected him to realize how badly I'm hurt and to be supportive of me. Not close down and shut off. I see that he can't really give me the support I need, and I can't be angry at him about it. I have also made the mistake of doing too much, being too invested in his recovery, rather than just being supportive. I have also gotten angry in the past when he says how hopeful he is. I felt like, since I'm miserable, he should not be happy. That is one I still have to work on. And I have to try not to roll my eyes and sigh when he talks. I have to try and detach from my emotions so I can offer support, without my anger/hurt getting in the way.

3) Describe the things you ARE CURRENTLY DOING to role model healthy partnership skills.

I'm trying to be open and honest in my communication with him. I'm also really trying very hard not to be judgmental and listen to his point of view, which is new and difficult for me. I'm definitely a "RIGHT FIGHTER". I'm trying to compromise. I am also trying not to take offense to everything he says to me. I tend to take things that aren't personal, very personally.


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