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PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2017 11:45 am 
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We are here


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:12 pm 
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I prepared a nice meal for my wife. I fed her the meal. It did not feel like a challenge because I have been feeding elderly people who are unable to feed themselves for a few years now as part of my job. I think she felt it was strange because she had never had someone feed her a meal before. I then read from Dr. John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and we discussed some of the questions the book asked us. I then brushed my wife's hair and brushed her teeth. Again, these are tasks that I preform as part of my work as a CNA, so performing them for my wife didn't feel weird or difficult in any way. I know if there was ever a situation that required me to care for my wife in this way, I would be more than willing and able to provide her quality, loving, holistic care. She had mentioned a movie that she really liked from her childhood and I put it on so we could both watch it. It was nice to provide her with a nice evening, and I hope she felt cared for by her husband. Providing care such as feeding, and help with activities of daily living does not feel like a burden to me. I feel honored to be able to participate in caring for my wife, and hope to rebuild a sense of safety and trust with her. I hope that she recognizes that I would care for in any way that was needed.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:37 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2016 12:23 am
Posts: 39
Exercise 2

Just realized I never posted about my experience. I enjoyed very much the night my husband cared for me. He made really nice meal of salmon, kale salad, and potatoes. It was delicious. I have not had another person feed me since I was too young to feed myself. It was awkward relying on someone to do something I am fully capable of doing myself. He was attentive and willing to feed me what I wanted and at the pace I requested without complaint. Having my teeth brushed was just weird. My husband found a montage of cat videos (we are cat people) for me to watch while I sipped a glass of wine after work while he cooked. It was nice to just sit back and relax and let him do everything. He read a section of a marriage book we own, after reading it there was a short exercise that we did together. It was nice to give our marriage some attention. Then we watched a movie that was one of my favorite movies as a teenager that I haven't watched in years called The Man in the Moon. I really enjoyed watching this again and I enjoyed that my husband also enjoyed it.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 2:32 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2016 2:48 pm
Posts: 54
exercise 3

Values:
honesty
loyalty
compassion
understanding
kindness

Behavior/consequence

Allow me to speak my thought and wait for me to finish. I will politely ask you to stop talking and allow me to finish.

Only speaking negative thoughts. I will politely point it out, and ask you to speak at least on positive statement.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 3:33 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2016 12:23 am
Posts: 39
Exercise Three

Healing Contract

Values:

Honesty
Integrity
Kindness
Loyalty
Fidelity
Accountability
Caring

Boundaries:

1 - No viewing or possession of pornography either online or magazines, etc.
Consequence: If he tells me he viewed pornographic material, we will have a discussion about it and search for reason he chose to view and what can be done to prevent this in the future. If I discover on my own, this means he is hiding it and is lying to me. Sleep in spare bedroom for 2 weeks.

2 - No sexual contact with anyone outside our marriage.
Consequence: If he comes to me and discloses this to me himself, we will have a discussion about it, determine what led to the event, what can be done to prevent this in the future. Sleep in spare bedroom for 3 months. If I discover on my own, this means he is hiding it and is lying to me. Divorce.

3 - No secret email accounts, no craigslist viewing/contacting, no accounts on other forums such as adultfriendfinder, etc.
Consequence: If he comes to me and discloses this to me himself, we will have a discussion about it, determine what led to the event, what can be done to prevent this in the future. Sleep in spare bedroom for 1 month.

4 - No lying about other addictive behaviors involving substance use, i.e., alcohol, marijuana, adderall, or any other mind altering substance (this includes lying by omission).
Consequence: If he comes to be and discloses it to me, we will have a discussion about it, determine what led to the event, and what can be done to prevent it in the future. If I discover on my own, sleep in spare bedroom for 2 weeks.

5 - No lying about other subjects not related to addiction (this includes lying by omission).
Consequence: If he comes to be and discloses this to me himself, we will have a discussion about it, determine what led to the event, what can be done to prevent this in the future. Sleep in spare room for 1 week.

6 - Blaming me for addiction.
Consequence: Sleep in spare room for 2 weeks.


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