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 Post subject: Kitti's Recovery thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:03 am 

Joined: Fri Nov 24, 2017 4:14 am
Posts: 1
Lesson 1.
A)Recovery keys:
1)I think that I am actively committed to change, although my behaviour affects my family and that is partly the driving force for wanting this recovery, that driving force is personal, those affects hurt me. When I lapsed a few days ago it was dramatic that husband found out and reacted to it but it wasn’t guilt or shame so much that hurt it was the feeling of pain from hurting him. I am driven to change as it affects me deeply, A friend (an ex Daddy Dom) called me a slut. I am committed to not being a slut, that is my motto now “I non erit meretrix” I am not a slut and I tell myself that everytime I feel like weakening
2)I don’t feel that guilt or shame does sabotage my commitment to change, in a way it strengthens my will and commitment. I am not ashamed of what I was, a submissive addicted to love and attention. To me there is no shame in admitting to this addiction, it is facing the problem and taking action.
3)allowing myself time to change is more of a problem. I am a hedonist, I want things now, I want change overnight.. Realistically I know that this is unreasonable and recovery doesn’t have a time limit. I am aiming to keep my addiction in ‘check’ while working on a full healthy recovery.
B)1.I want to focus my energy on other things, not thinking about being loved or receiving attention
2. I want to be self reliant
3.I don’t want to feel shame or guilt anymore, I want to be open and not worried my husband might find out something
4.I want to feel proud of myself
5. I don’t want to be a slut
6.i want to be the confident educated woman I was
7.i want to change my life for health reasons, the worry and deception is not good for my gut health, it affects my digestion, my sleep, so many aspects. addiction/weakness is strong/dominant men – BDSM Doms and Masters, I want to make a permanent change in my life to recover and never again experience the physical, mental and emotional abuse that these Doms use to ‘break’ their subs.

c. I see the beauty in that child the self-confidence, she stood tall with a smile on her face and long blonde hair, my addiction took to men who ‘broke’ me who decided I wasn’t good enough to be loved or wanted how I am naturally, I sit here hunched up with shorter red hair because that is what Master demanded. That very word motivates me to change now, I didn’t need a Master telling me what to do then, I just needed guidance. I want to become her, the pretty little blonde child again.

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