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PostPosted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:23 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:51 pm
Posts: 22
Hi everyone,
My fiance and I are finally seeking a therapeutic regimen and so are having sessions at a few different places to try to find one that fits. I am wondering if anyone has any experience at any of them and can report back? We went to the Sexual Recovery Institute - sexualrecovery.com, and the the Center for Healthy Sex centerforhealthysex.com- and next week we go to see Thuy Bui at Life Design Centre - lifedesigncentre.com.

Has anyone been to any of these places or heard anything about them? So far none of the people I have spoken with at the centers are very familiar, if at all familiar, with Recovery Nation (bummer). I am really concerned with going somewhere where the therapists are very knowledgeable about sex addiction because our past therapist experience (with a trained sex therapist) I feel may have done more harm than good for me - which is why I am sticking to sex addictions centers. I want to make sure to go somewhere where they understand how far my fiance will go to evade real honesty. But these places feel a teeny bit like factories - and I want to make sure that we aren't just a dollar sign for them. Hence, I'd love to hear if anyone has any personal experience.

Also, the first two places strongly recommend a two-week outpatient program that is super expensive. It would be a huge undertaking for my fiance to attend (time off work foremost, then the cost) - but does anyone have any thoughts about how important that kind of thing is? If it will help us leap to a healthier place, then I'd sacrifice anything to make it happen, I just don't know how much to believe in it. Does anyone have thoughts about intensive outpatient programs?

Finally, I am a little worried about how to make the decision about where to go. My first instinct is to go wherever my fiance prefers because my priority is for him to heal, grow, open up, do the work, etc. But then I worry that that instinct is yet again putting my needs behind his - and that he might default to pick the place that feels like it will be the least work (he is the man of least resistance - which I see now is a part of this whole package). On the other hand, if he isn't completely comfortable and trusting I don't see how he will do the work he needs to. What do people think? How did others go about picking couples therapists or centers?

Thanks everyone - I have a zillion more questions but this will help for now. Keep on keepin' on!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:58 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 9:03 pm
Posts: 119
Location: Merida, Yucatan
My wife and I went to The Meadows in Wickenburg, Az and loved it. The couples workshop (one week) is great for learning how to communicate. The sexual addiction workshop (also a week long) changed my life. They also have a workshop (or did in the past) for partners of sex addicts. It is in the middle of no place so there are zero distractions. You stay in one of The Meadows hotels/motels and everything is private. You can call them and talk to an 'in-take' person and they are very friendly and open to your questions. it is priced about the same as other places but well worth the price.

With all that said - I learned a great deal from The Meadows (as did my wife), but I have learned more from RN on how to manage my emotions, life and rituals associated with SA. This is a great site!

_________________
People in general eventually do the right thing, after they have tried everything else.
Paraphrase of Churchill


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:54 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:51 pm
Posts: 22
leroyo-
Thanks so much for your insight! The Meadows looks great - and is actually less expensive than the local programs I was looking at. I read your response to my partner, and I am hoping it will motivate him to get more involved with RN :)
I'm wondering if you'd be willing to answer a couple of questions about the Meadows program...

Regarding the Couples week - do you think it could be enjoyable if the couple isn't currently in a very positive place? My partner and I seem to be having a bit of a breakdown rather than growth (i'm hoping it is just a stage in recovery) - but I'm wondering if it would be better to do the Couples week when we are in a better place.

Regarding the Addiction week - I'm wondering if you feel it would be as revelatory if someone is not in the beginning of recovery. My partner has been through some therapy and some reading, etc. It's not all new by any means. Would you still recommend the sexual addiction workshop?

Thanks so much again! It was great to get your response.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:22 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 24, 2011 12:44 pm
Posts: 92
Hi PushingForward,
I just read these posts yesterday & I don't respond very often on this forum, but after thinking it over I decided I should speak up. I am a retired therapist with previous experience in all kinds of mental health situations including lock-down & voluntary on-site residency, etc. And I'm married to an SA, which I only discovered within the last few years. I was so shocked (how could I not have seen this!) & hurt, etc.!! But, I shopped & found RN. It made the most sense to me, plus it was free to try. I very quickly realized that what my H did was TOTALLY up to him. I had to take care of me. Get very concrete: list my values, set healthy boundaries & communicate these & uphold them! My health is up to me. Even if that means that eventually this (very long) relationship ends :t:
Here's my 2 cents about your situation: I would not attempt an expensive, live in, option. I would recommend that you do the RN Partner's workshop (U could always choose an expensive option later, if you still felt it necessary).
What your fiance does must always be up to him (no matter how much you wish this weren't so...). After you get your values in order in the Partner's lessons & set your boundaries, communicate this to him. And keep doing the lessons! Use this forum for support. It's free (if that's the route you choose), can be done where you are, at all hours (convenience). BUT what he does is & has to be up to him!! It took my H many months to get serious about doing anything!! And addicts are very good at lying, playing games, etc. Don't fall back in the trap. Several lessons in the partner's section are about the concrete changes you should be seeing if your partner is serious. (Not what they say, or the promises they make, etc. --Addicts are very good liars!! They will always tell you what they know you want to hear to maintain "their game!!!")
Bottom line: U R the only one you ever have any control over!! Do the work & research for you. Leave your partner to do their own work OR NOT. It's their choice (not yours). And use this Partner's forum for support. We've all been there!! --Awake1


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:46 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5200
I would also like to add to this conversation that there is a difference between therapists who deal with "healthy sexuality" and therapists who deal with sex addiction. There is a huge gap between the two schools of thought, from my experience (although I do not know anything about the ones mentioned here). Many "healthy sexuality" type programs do not necessarily factor in sexual addiction issues into their curriculum. I have sat across a couple different "sexuality therapists" who have basically told me that there is nothing wrong with porn, and maybe we needed to "spice up our sex life". :ni: These therapists clearly had no understanding about sex addiction. Further, even if addiction was not part of the picture, they had no sensitivity to my personal values surrounding the issues of pornography, and basically told me that I was wrong. So, as previously suggested, make sure you do your research and find the right fit for you.

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Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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