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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 10:57 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
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:g: :g: :g: Thanks.
Nellie


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 10:28 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:34 am
Posts: 285
Location: U.S., Inland Northwest
When you feel like quitting, think about why you started.

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.

I like the idea of this thread I've never checked it out before. Wonderful words of hope and wisdom here!!me77

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Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
People will hate you, rate you, shake you, and break you. But how strong you stand is what makes you – Unknown.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 9:44 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:19 pm
Posts: 452
Boundaries

I allow myself to set healthy boundaries.
To say no to what does not align with my values,
to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me in remaining
healthy,
honest,
and living a life that is true to me.


Found this on Pinterest and thought I'd share ♥

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"You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author. You write the story. The pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose." Lisa Nichols


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 11:57 am 
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:g: Nice. Isn't it fun when you find inspiration where ever you look.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:48 am 
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Posts: 276
I thought I'd share a link to a wonderful series of lectures given at Harvard by Tal Ben-Shahar, who teaches positive psychology.
Very inspiring. :g:

First lecture :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwUecXRvnS0

The second lecture is available here :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IGGKXijqx0

There are many more on youtube.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 1:34 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2011 4:31 am
Posts: 322
Something very cathartic happened today. Thank you RN!!!! I know you helped. Seems when I talk about myself subjectively, ie "When you do [....] I feel [....]" etc. that goes over WAAAAY better than accusatory judgments such as "You did [.....] because you don't care about me" and that sort of thing. And it works even with the strongest remarks -- of course, my H is probably able to listen better now that it is 3 years post dday and he is growing as a person.

But today I said, "I realize that one of the reasons I felt so hurt, besides the time your SA took away from relating to me, and the sex you could have chosen to have with me when you were elsewhere, whether it was the single occasion with the "crack h-" or the one you saw for 11 years -- when you AO with ANY of them it made me feel like a sexual failure, like I couldn't please you, even though I always tried to be ready, willing, and able to give you whatever you wanted. You know I always wanted to make you happy. And the AO made me feel like a sexual failure."

And he listened. He didn't get angry. He didn't judge me. He didn't defend his actions. He didn't try to explain any of it. He just listened and reached out and held my hand.

And I felt cared about. I felt valued. I felt understood. And somehow, being able to own the pain (another person's postings about that helped me discover part of why I was having trouble letting go of it), and then tell him about it and know that I was heard, helped me let some of it go today.

So after I talked to him, I left to go about my tasks and errands for the day, and went about my day doing usual things. But something had changed. I FELT different. I suddenly felt so much lighter, so much better about ME.

It's like some cloud had lifted all of a sudden (even though it was a cloudy fall day outside). I had a lively step, even though my foot has been hurting lately. But it didn't feel quite so bad.

I had a healthy lunch including a salad and fresh fruit. I chatted with some acquaintances. It was pleasant. A woman was there whom some people talk about negatively. I went and chatted with her, asked her how she was doing, treated her nicely. She gave me a hug and offered me some food.

A little while later, I noticed myself in the mirror and for once I LIKED what I saw.

Yesterday, I thought I looked ugly. Today, just a few hours later, I seemed to look so different. I thought my hair was beautiful. I thought my face looked lovely. I thought my skin reflected how healthily I have been living lately.

Later, after walking, I sat down to take a break and I noticed a lovely tree with its graceful huge limbs and yellow autumn leaves -- and shared what I saw with a stranger who said, "We should pay attention to things like this more often." She gave me a big, warm smile as she went on her way.

I went for a long walk. I rested. I undertook a new project and felt excited about the possibilities for that. I went to the fitness club and worked out so hard, sweat was pouring down my face. I felt invigorated. And then peaceful.

I bought a cute little whimsical decoration that made me happy.

Then when I finally reconnected with my H, I thanked him for listening earlier. I told him how much that meant to me. And I could see in his eyes he was happy too. I said that I am finally feeling differently. Finally starting to put the (we call it "crazyism") in the past.

And I started really feeling that I could relate to him in the present (without that past coloring our interaction like some dreadful ball and chain). And we were both able to relate spontaneously, and with some real energy -- which is amazing since he is really sick.

He even told me that he was looking forward to my return and that he was happy to be spending time with me. And I know he meant it.

Something very powerful and magical seems to happen when a person just listens -- at least that's what happens with me. Listening. Just listening. It was a quality that attracted me to him in the first place. :sat: And something that he obviously is quite capable of doing when emotion doesn't get in the way. I was very happy to see the path he is on today. And I told him that too -- how much I like relating to him when he lives healthily. How much I like his sweet personality re-emerging.

And I am now really starting to focus on me and that is making a big difference too. Thank you for the continued advice, everyone, to focus on me! It's so empowering! Thank you -- it was hard to see the benefit when I was snowed under with emotions swirling like a hurricane in my head -- and in my heart. But now I am realizing how important it is -- no, how ESSENTIAL it is -- to focus on ME!!!:g:

I wanted to share this with everyone at RN. :ex:


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:07 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:34 am
Posts: 285
Location: U.S., Inland Northwest
Heathlove,
This is great news! It actually brought a tear to my eye because I know exactly what you mean. I have been here too. It is very invigorating! Props to you and your H!me77

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Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
People will hate you, rate you, shake you, and break you. But how strong you stand is what makes you – Unknown.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:18 pm 
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Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2011 2:49 pm
Posts: 1626
"One can choose to go back towards safety or forward towards growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again."

- Abraham Maslow (creator of the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs)

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"If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where do you expect to find it?" - Dogen

"Be a lamp unto yourself." - Buddha

"The obstacle is the path."


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:12 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5200
I tried to make this one my signature, but it was too many characters. :s:

"The stone and the tiger have no choice of life: the stone must gravitate and the tiger must pounce. Only human beings are faced with the mind-boggling responsibility of having, at each and every moment of their lives, to choose what to do and what to be. It is both a necessity and an invitation." -Jose Ortega y Gasset.

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Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 10:33 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:19 pm
Posts: 452
Read this and had to share - ♥

Never apologize for what you feel.
It is okay to be sensitive. It is okay to be "Emotional".
It is okay to to be sad, afraid or uncertain.
It's okay to cry.
It doesn't mean you are being negative.

It doesn't mean you are weak.
It takes great courage to be able to understand;
Accept and acknowledge what you feel.
Only then you can Face it, dis-empower it - and Let it go.
Never suppress your feelings because you are too afraid of
what others will "Think" of you.
You can Choose to make Positive Choices.
And Change your "Response-ability" to your Feelings.
And Transform them into a Beautiful, Positive Power.
Beyond anything you have ever imagined.
You are stronger than you think.
Let the Love and Peace inside you, awaken.
Let it Begin to Heal you.
Love yourself and have Faith in your Journey.
Life is waiting ... ♥

~ © Kiran Shaikh 2012

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"You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author. You write the story. The pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose." Lisa Nichols


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 2:33 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2012 4:44 am
Posts: 276
Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

Martin Luther King


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 12:26 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
Posts: 3834
Hope you have all read Coach Sue's most recent contribution here. Quite wonderful. "Love yourself and have faith in your journey."
Nellie James


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:53 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
Posts: 3834
“We cast a shadow on something wherever we stand,
and it is no good moving from place to place to save things;
because the shadow always follows.
Choose a place where you won't do harm - yes,
choose a place where you won't do very much harm,
and stand in it for all you are worth, facing the sunshine.”

E.M. Forster, A Room with a View


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:10 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
Posts: 3834
Quote:
I HAVE FOUND THAT THERE IS only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: to love yourself. When people start to love themselves more each day, it’s amazing how their lives get better. They feel better. They get the jobs they want. They have the money they need. Their relationships either improve, or the negative ones dissolve and new ones begin. Loving yourself is a wonderful adventure; it’s like learning to fly. Imagine if we all had the power to fly at will? How exciting it would be! Let’s begin to love ourselves now.

Here are 12 Commandments to help you learn how to love yourself:

Stop All Criticism.Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Forgive Yourself.
Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.

Don’t Scare Yourself.
Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle and Kind and Patient.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind to Your Mind.
Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself.
Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself. Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving to Your Negatives. Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care of Your Body. Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Do Mirror Work. Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say, "I love you, I really love you!"

Love Yourself . . . Do It Now. Don't wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin now—and do the best you can.

Have Fun. Remember the things that gave you joy as a child. Incorporate them into your life now. Find a way to have fun with everything you do. Let yourself express the joy of living. Smile. Laugh. Rejoice, and the Universe rejoices with you!

Louise L. Hay, the author of the international bestseller You Can Heal Your Life


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 2:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:19 pm
Posts: 452
:g: :g: :g:

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"You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author. You write the story. The pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose." Lisa Nichols


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