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PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:46 pm 

Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2016 5:05 pm
Posts: 22
I am asking this to anyone who it interests generally .

Though specifically our attitude to guilt was one of the key points in lesson one . Why was that exactly ?
Is there any particular thread here that deals with guilt ?

Is guilt 's function thoroughly debilitating or is it suposed to be motivating ?
Personally in lesson one I made a distinction between shame and guilt . Guilt often taking us an incessant bad feeling
for me with porn use its almost the voice of desperation saying there you go yet again that's the way you are making me feel guilty for who I am rather than what I did.

Its clear that for many porn use is not addictive and those people sometimes shrug it off as not being particularly important per se.
Perhaps their right , if I could more readily take or leave it I would not feel so guilty .
Point being its the fact that we can't take or leave it and thats why the guilt does attach to the identity "this is who I am" and not merely what I do .

Second question on guilt is : Is the guilty feeling after using actually a kind of sought after pay off . It s a really heavy intense thing that we loathe yet people seek many things they loathe as pay offs . I mean in the sense of how people seek things that confirm low self esteem because that is what they are at home with .

I remember prising open the the exit door of an X film cinema when I was fourteen and went down the steps heart thumping
There was a real buzz going into that charged atmosphere something ever so naughty was going on . That night I felt devestated by guilt but the whole think was a massive frisson

So if the guilt can be seen as pay off/ reward that means guilt can actually be a motivating force to use porn ??

Amercia is where there's the big porn industry its also where lies a huge puritanical streak . I dont believe they are two diametrically opposed kinds of people its more like they are antagonistic forces in the same mind ?

SO while I m interssted in views on any poit here .
I 'm especially wondering why " guilt " figured in lesson 1 .?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 5:06 pm 
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4026
Location: UK
Hi P
good post and great question
I 'm especially wondering why " guilt " figured in lesson 1

Guilt and Shame are emotions that bring with them intense negative feeling
such feelings can be used by addicts to excuse ourselves and to encourage denial
"Oh I am an addict but I'm not that bad"

So guilt and shame are brought in right at the commencement of our journies and we are asked to put them to one side
put them to one side because we do not want them to hamper our recovery
We need to commit ourselves to building a healthy life — rather than getting distracted by whether or not we are worthy of such a life

as we progress we discover that we do not have to feel guilty or ashamed for our behaviour; quite the opposite.
but in doing so we need to completely face, accept and own our past

I do not wish to get you too far in front of where you are but when you get there you will know that 'life after recovery' includes
Joy , Pain , Stress ,Harmony,Success ,Failure ,Anger ,Shame ,Pride ,Accomplishment
...any and every other possible life experience
In other words, 'life after addiction' is just life. but believe me it is a life worth living

the programme does bring shame and guilt back into focus, but for now
put it to one side
hope that helps

Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo

PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 2:49 am 

Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2016 5:05 pm
Posts: 22
Kenzo : Thankyou for your informative reply.

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