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PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2018 1:25 am 

Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 3:25 am
Posts: 4
My partner was under threat of blackmail 2 years ago from a woman he had met in a hook up site. He was extremely distressed and was forced to confess to me that this woman existed and was threatening him. He also confessed that he had taken her to our private country cottage to have sex. I was traumatised at the time, but he managed to convince me that he had learned his lesson and gave the impression he had never done this before and just wanted to try it out. Although I was extremely angry, I forgave him, and life carried on.
Four months ago, my partner started losing the plot - getting incredibly stressed and yelling at my daughter and I - which was not typical. About 2 months ago he confessed that he had been told by the doctor that he had herpes and started taking tablets for this. 6 weeks ago I got the results of my cervical smear test - they called me up and told me I also had Chlamydia. I confronted my partner who confessed that he had been continuing to see women, and that he thought he had a problem and he couldn’t control it - sex addiction. I went into shock for about 4 weeks during which I just felt numb and angry. I went on a road trip to try and get in touch with what I was feeling, and when I got back, asked him to give me his whole history. The extent of it was shattering, throughout our whole relationship - holidays, giving birth to our daughter, everything, he had been seeing women who he cultivated on hookup sites. This apparently involved a lot of money - I don’t know yet the extent or where they went or even how the heck he carved out the time to see the women. I have been walking around the last few days feeling like my life has been a sham, and as if I have been kicked in the guts. I thought this was a person who could love me and who came from a happy stable loving home - unlike me.

PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2018 6:23 am 
Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 671
Dear Celestial - Welcome to Recovery Nation. I am sorry you need to be here, but this is a healing place to be.

You are not alone. The partners here understand what you are experiencing. I found the lessons to be very helpful and encourage you to continue to do them. The partners community forum is also an excellent resource. In my case, I sought counseling from a trauma therapist.

I can still remember the shock I felt after discovery of my husband's secret life. The lessons will help provide a way to regain some emotional equilibrium as you begin your healing. It takes time, but we can heal.

With deep compassion,

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 2:04 am 

Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 3:25 am
Posts: 4
Part 1 Lesson 2
This took way longer than I thought it would. I have really struggled to think about what my values are and how They might have been compromised, but here goes with the vision - I already felt that I had developed a strong life state through my Buddhist practice, but this was such a shock, it has taken me 2 months to be able to function semi- normally again.

I will respect the Buddha nature inherent in all living beings including everyone I meet each day. To sustain my life state I will chant twice a day, and work hard to reach my fitness goals.

I will focus on my vow to work for the happiness of myself and others. I will be the bright light of hope for my family and those around me.

I will Maintain close relationships with all my children and support them on their life journeys with at least a weekly check in.

I will build a warm, loving and intimate relationship with my partner so we can be a true team facing life’s challenges and joys over the years.

I will Support my friends and family through their own personal journeys and Have a fun social time with them.

I will support women in our community especially where I can help them to overcome dysfunctional relationship issues and build happier lives.

I will create a self sufficient life and house that will become a sanctuary for myself, may family and our community.

I will help to develop the native and wild parts of our farm so wildlife can flourish

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